The Chronicles of Kris

The ‘Brother’s Keeper’ Chronicles of Kris – 08.17.11

2011-08-20T09:22:00.000-07:00

Hi Family,

August has been a great time of preparation. No matter how far my college graduation date drifts away, September will always be 'back to school' time, another reminder to get things right in the Fall 2011-Spring 2012 academic calendar year. I didn't have a summer break but I have gotten time to uncover more of my deeper goals as it pertains to life.

I get most excited about being creative but lately I've added a new prayer of vulnerability into the mix. Talking about work has become my 'go to' conversation because that's where my comfort lies. I feel very at ease with the flow of my creative journey but let someone ask about my personal life and I get giggly or start to talk fast, usually ending with an 'I Don't Know.' :)

I do not remember the last time I spoke to my father on the phone or in person. I'm actually trying to jog my memory right this second and I can't quite picture our last outing. For those who do not know, my father has lived in Los Angeles most of my life and ha, of course lives less than 5 freeway exits from me now. Even with this physical closeness, nothing has really changed. We saw each other a few times at the beginning of the year and hit some bumps so I just dropped it because I wasn't interested in being an emotional mess and clouding all the other clear progressions in my life.

So that's been it...

My father began texting me two weeks ago. I wasn't quite sure why. Maybe he noticed that my little brother and I had become Facebook friends. Or maybe he received my email blast that Born to Dance is now on the air. I had no idea why he began asking questions about my whereabouts. But after a few days worth of texts, I asked if we could meet. He seemed thrilled about that so he invited me to go bowling.

So on Saturday, I had a first. I bowled with my father and had a great time laughing and joking. I brought a friend along and he brought two of his family friends who were around my age. There were lots of thoughts running through my mind that night. Mostly that I have a really difficult time looking at him for longer than 4 seconds, and that I turn my body away instinctively. It's interesting observing myself while actually in the moment, learning a new side that I don't even know of myself and understanding that even while being pleasant, I've definitely built a wall. I recognize the complexities of repair, and I wonder if I'm willing to walk down that road. Secretly or not so secretly, I gave a silent ultimatum...if he came around by April, I'd consider it but if not, I'm not sure I can keep reopening a huge wound.

However, I did think of something else. Am I or have I held people hostage with the ways they used to be as opposed to the ways that they are? Do I have it in me to start anew? Have I given someone the cold shoulder to avoid being bruised? I realize I've developed terms of engagement and relationships don't work that way.

So for now, I'll take each moment as it comes. I really enjoyed the outing. Period. But I realize how nervous I am of being critiqued and picked apart, knowing that he probably feels the exact same way. The friendships and family relationships that have stood the test of time have remained unbreakable because of unconditional love; the ability to be completely unedited and have that person love you for you. The reasons I enjoy speaking about 'work' is because I haven't made moves that I'm embarrassed about (yet). But maybe in my personal life, I've done or said things that make me look really silly, or really open, or really mean. But I strive for unedited relationships in every area of my life. I don't strive for perfection in any area, I just desire excellence. And being my best self includes not leaving out details for fear someone won't like what I have to say and in turn, walk away. So if I'm distant, that's probably why...I'm afraid I'm gonna say something and my father (or said person) won't fight for me...but heck, I actually do walk away from him. Epiphany. I am working on breaking down my walls so that perhaps when our hearts are prepared, we can break through a wall together.

After my outing with my father, I sent this to my best friend:

Thank you for allowing me to be 'unedited' with you all of these years. I hope that I have been the same for you, and if I have not than I deeply apologize. I pray for you everyday, that you will feel free to live and be whatever your heart desires. I understand why we are and have always been friends. I am blessed to have you and others in my corner that I truly feel at home with wherever I am. Somewhere along the way we get lost in trying to be heroes for others and I thank you for just loving and accepting me for me.

So with that said, I thank you for allowing me to share with you. And I truly truly hope you'll continue sharing with me. Here's to breaking down walls so we can see rainbows and feel the sunshine that's here for us all.

Love Always,

Kristen Victoria

The 'Super Power Source' Chronicles of Kris - 04.07.11

2011-08-11T08:21:00.000-07:00

The ‘Super Power Source’ Chronicles of Kris – 04.07.11

Happy Thursday! It is a great day to be alive. There is no mistake that we are chosen to be here, living and breathing, in this present moment. I am so full right now, knowing that you and I have been specifically selected for this time. There is something that we are being developed to become, something that we are being prepared to do and share with this world!

Last week I began my new position as Story Editor for choreographer Laurieann Gibson's show 'Born to Dance.' The premise is one we've seen before - she selects 20 girls to live in a house and battle to become the next superstar dancer BUT the execution is one I have not experienced. Since day 1 of auditions, Laurieann has told the girls that the show is not a competition. It is only a confirmation that you are who God created you to be. By showing up and stepping out on faith, you made the first step for yourself no matter what the outcome. Let this be a reminder that you are great, have always been great, and will always be great. Just stay focused and do the work.

My weeks consist of watching footage and crafting the story lines but I cannot get through a day without acknowledging the blessing of continually being in His presence, knowing that I have been chosen to listen to, receive, and offer up the energy that so wonderfully fuels my life. This time is not about my life at all. I am being armed; It is about growing stronger in the gifts that must be used to forward this world. We are being developed to be the difference.

Laurieann touched upon something that really moved me yesterday.

‪Your teachers were probably intimidated by this star so they didn’t know how to inspire you properly to remain great. So you stopped fighting so you’re dimmer, you stopped fighting so you quieted yourself down, you humbled yourself…You didn’t want to lose friends so you got a little more polite. You wanted to make sure they were ok. So now you’re small, still bigger than everyone else but saying, ‘Do you like me? Oh, I’m not that great, I promise you I don’t know what I’m doing'…break free from the bonds of mediocrity!

I almost fell out when she said this. When I think back on my life's experiences, there are times when my heart just HURT because I did not understand my place in this world. I felt awkward because I didn't want to offend anyone. Why do I always have to be the one creating or trying to change something? I asked God why do I have so many goals and everyone around me seems comfortable where they are? Am I crazy for feeling there is more to life than this? SIMPLY, THERE IS MORE FOR ME TO DO. We live in a world where everyone compares their own success, self worth, ability, gifts to the next person but there is no measure for what God has given to us as INDIVIDUALS.

We are here to change the atmosphere.

Whether you are going through a trial or a triumph right this moment, know that you have called this time into your life. Trials are opportunities to grow, to take a step back and honor God and your gift, to say - I will not allow anyone to misuse my gift. I will step out on faith and activate the power that God has given me! I will activate my greatness in every choice that I make. I will let go of the people who do not encourage my growth. And I will challenge myself to reach my maximum! And triumphs are moments to celebrate and to honor ourselves and our higher power by giving back.

I feel so much closer to my family and friends now than when I did at home and more than likely, it's because I am growing in my fearlessness. I am developing strength and vulnerability in a new way. Don't pacify your greatness for fear that you will be alone. You will never be alone! Not only do you have God, but you also have me.

Once you are given the gift that was purposed for you, the gift is perfect. Is there something nagging at you that you've always wanted to do but have never done? Will you take the first step and activate it? I've attached even more quotes for you. Be blessed and have a wonderful weekend.

Love Always,

Kristen Victoria

The 'Y=MX+B' Chronicles of Kris - 10.03.10

2010-10-21T22:56:00.000-07:00

Good Morning Shining Stars!
I am so thankful to see the first Sunday of October. September was a full month - one of accomplishments, transition, and continued analysis. After many months of planning, I achieved quite a few major goals including launching my debut web series Sellout on http://www.visiontube.tv/, successfully executing the http://www.visiontube.tv/ launch event, finalizing the feature version of Sellout and sending it to the Cosby Writing Fellowship, and producing my reel - www.vimeo.com/kristenvcarter. It's a really awesome feeling to check off goals as 'done' and 'in progress.'

Even with hitting the goal list and checking it twice, the most humbling part isn't so much the success of reaching the goal, although it is a proud moment, but understanding the bigger picture. It takes a village to move mountains. It takes love, support, and guidance to cross one finish line and walk to another start line. It takes emotional and spiritual growth to achieve in the physical realm. Our physical accomplishments are only reflections of our continued spiritual work and inner-most progress. I have taken a good, hard look at myself and just said, 'wow.' At the most financially challenging point of my life thus far, I am most creatively open. I thought last year was transitional, hmph, but I was just being prepared for the many changes of this year. This has been a phenomenal year because I was prepared for it. I was weight training so that my spirit could remain a little stronger, I could love a little harder despite what situations I face, and I could walk more confidently through the rain and the sunny days.

I hope the same for you. I hope that my weekly ramblings are received in the spirit in which they are written. If I want you to internalize anything, it's to step out on faith and let the miracle happen. It's to trust ourselves more and walk in the light and love that we are...we are bright beams of light, placed here to impact this world in various ways...if we only believed in the gifts and talents that we instinctively possess...

So, does anyone remember the Straight Line equation aka the Slope-Intercept Form? Last week, I substitute taught at a Public School and my Math student asked me about the 'M' in the equation. What does that mean? Although I haven't touched this equation in over 8 years, it all came back to me in a second. 'M' refers to the slope of a line, more specifically the rise (vertical growth) and the run (horizontal growth) of a line. I explained the entire equation to her and immediately thought about personal growth. When we focus upward and onward, we soar. When we challenge ourselves physically and spiritually, we mature. The maturity is so evident that people can see our exponential growth. They can see that we are rising and running, as opposed to remaining stagnant. Is your life on slope? What are you doing to rise and run so that your lifeline continues to grow?

At this moment in my life, I am (as I said in the last Chronicles) focused on the following - I am a patient person who is always on time. I will add another line to this. I am a forgiving person who sees the good but is aware of the other elements of life. My intention is happiness. My intention is understanding. To get to my greater good, I must be more accepting of people, I must be less judgmental and more open to the world WHILE still remaining clear on what I will and will not accept in my life.

I had a really interesting week. My emotions were all over the place as I observed various situations for what they are and observed my instinctive reactions to them. Very rarely are my emotions scattered but it's not a coincidence that I faced these challenges as I celebrated one of the biggest accomplishments of my creative life thus far. So here are a few challenges - I am not happy when people want me to understand them but could care less to understand me. I am not happy with the state of the Black community (more specifically the Black family and male/female relationships). I am not happy when people waste my time and their own, when people take my kindness for weakness, and when people don't realize you (just like I) can be replaced so stop acting up! (Within the last two weeks, I have a new found appreciation for Beyonce's Irreplaceable AKA To the Left. I hated that song two years ago.)

However, I am happy when I can stay calm a day longer. I am happy when I can take a moment to reflect and try to see the lesson in a situation. I am happy to be challenged because without obstacles, I will not grow. I am happy to be at the helm of a burgeoning production as I prepare for bigger experiences. I am happy to learn and exhibit self-control during a chaotic time. I am happy to be a better me. I am happy to be happy in this moment because I control my happiness. Balancing the different emotions and circumstances of life is a juggling act but we can do it!

I will not learn to rise and run if I don't stay focused on the exponential growth. So although I was emotionally tried this past week, I am happy to learn, grow, and transform into my best self. Where's Oprah? I want a hug! Actually, I seriously do want a hug. :)

I love you all.

XOXO,
Kristen Victoria

The ‘Ground Rules’ Chronicles of Kris – 09.17.10

2010-10-21T22:50:00.000-07:00

Happy Friday!
I am wide awake, patiently waiting for The Cosby Show on Nick at Nite. I can't believe the programming department has limited Claire and Cliff to one hour a night! I don't want to watch The Nanny or Family Matters. This is a travesty and the main cause of decreasingly insomniatic habits.

Let's get right to it. Recently, a family member of mine (close in title/role/name, but not so close in actual relationship) has been contacting me incessantly. (S)he has been extremely persistant about my participation in a professional project. Although I do reply to his/her emails to offer minimal advice, I am not interested in doing business with this person at all. In my eyes, we can barely handle our personal relationship, let alone money politics. I don't know what's more agrivating - not hearing from someone at all or only hearing from them when their hand is out. This pattern became very obvious to me a few weeks ago and after that revelation, 'something' told me to keep my mouth shut while I was experiencing it. 'Don't react, don't mention the situation to anyone, and don't analyze it. Make no judgments and just give it some time.' The person called me that weekend and said (s)he just wanted to say hello. I really appreciated the call and at that time, (s)he asked that I partner on the project. It wasn't a pressuring ask so I said I would give it some thought. I am going to eventually say no, according to Kristen 2010. Maybe that'll change in 2011. *shrug* When I got off the phone, I thought of a few things.

We're two people, coming from two points of reference, who do seem to want the same end result - a growing communication level and relationship. However, we have very different (and somewhat conflicting) modes of operation. Through the years, I've fought about the M.O. as opposed to focusing on the end result. Wait, I'm being too nice. Quite frankly, it is very hard to be the bigger person when you feel that person should try to look at the entire picture. So, as the weeks go by with emails and asks, I am growing in my use of the word NO with a pleasant tone. I am learning to say HOLD ON, WAIT A MINUTE, GIVE ME A SECOND, I AM NOT INTERESTED. And I am loving it.

I am learning the power of acceptance and self-control. I am learning to see people for who they are in this moment as opposed to referring to the past or getting emotional because they don't understand where I am coming from. This kind of growth feels so good. By controlling our emotional responses, we show people how to treat us. I will not be overly emotional. I will not pick a fight but I am also not going to be used. So I will pick up the phone when I feel like it and I will answer emails when I get to it. And you will respect that because I am respectful when standing my ground. If I feel like chiming through or not chiming through, I will follow my instinct because I am determined to only do things that make me feel good.

Maybe I am experiencing this to really internalize that it is necessary to set boundaries with those we come in contact with in any relationship. I have developed the following mantra - I AM A PATIENT PERSON WHO IS ALWAYS ON TIME. AHEM. I AM A PATIENT PERSON WHO IS ALWAYS ON TIME. In order to get to the next level, I must challenge myself to be better when I know I 'get it.' I must not react to old emotional triggers because there are new, more mature ones. 'Try to work on my patience' has been on my yearly goal list for over 10 years but I never mastered it. But I've come to acknowledge that I was trying and not doing; I was saying it but definitely didn't act on it. By trying, I was giving myself the option to give up and do what was natural for my old self.

It's a new season, a time to reinvent ourselves and get rid of old ways and baggage that aren't producing positive and happy results. Who's ready to move onto the next and set some ground rules?

XOXO,
Kristen Victoria

The 'Visiontube.tv' Chronicles of Kris - 09.07.10

2010-10-21T22:48:00.000-07:00

Good Morning!
I hope you had a great, non-laboring weekend. I'm sleepy but not without good reason and great things to do today! I woke up with our family on my mind because it is with great excitement that I announce *the launch of visiontube.tv.*

Visiontube.tv has been in the oven for quite some time and we cannot wait to unleash the projects that have been stirring in the pot. A few of you have been here since the beginning as I ran ideas by you, some came into the fold as I was brainstorming and beginning this journey, most of you were around as I started and stopped and started again, until the ball of energy rolled up to get these works off of the ground.

Thank you for your words of encouragement, your inquiries about 'When will see your work?' even when I wasn't quite sure, and your friendship for seeing me through to this stage. Family comes first so you all are receiving the first visiontube.tv blast ever. Get excited...LOL. (A few of you may receive this information again later in the day.)

There's more to come. Thank you for your support!

******
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

THE LAUNCH OF VISIONTUBE.TV –
A NEW DESTINATION FOR ORIGINAL WEB CONTENT

WEG Media Inc, JazziDreamer Entertainment LLC, and MarchWealth Media are proud to present the debut of visiontube.tv, an online channel dedicated to original programming. The official site launch is Thursday, September 30th!

Visiontube.tv is the brainchild of Emmy Award winner Charles E. Williams. Jr., who is also the founder of WEG Media Inc. He has partnered with Kristen V. Carter of JazziDreamer Entertainment LLC and La Shell Wooten of MarchWealth Media to create a slate of innovative programs which include scripted, reality, and talk formats for the Fall 2010 - Winter 2011 season.

The first release on the visiontube.tv slate is the dramatic web series entitled Sellout about a Harvard graduate who returns to his hometown of Harlem, New York after the death of his mother. Sellout marks the directorial debut of screenwriter Kristen V. Carter. The series stars Pierre Downing (BET’s Harlem Heights), Kimberly Holloway (Duane Reade’s ad campaign), Matthew Jenifer (better known as lyricist SahRil), and Kristine John (Tony Clomax’s 12 Steps to Recovery). Sellout launches on Thursday, September 30th and will premiere a new episode every Thursday.

Visiontube.tv will continue into October 2010 with a premiere lineup of programs which includes the talk show Journey into Manhood: A Conversation. This series features a group of men challenging the current state of relationships, family, and education. Journey into Manhood: A Conversation is a prequel to director/producer Charles E. Williams, Jr.’s rivoting documentary Journey into Manhood, which asks the question ‘What Is A Man?’

Screenwriter La Shell Wooten will debut the web series Slipknot, a family drama about a divorcing couple who is struggling to keep their family intact. The series features an ensemble cast including Anthony Laurent (Third Eye Productions’ Jackpot), Vanessa Evans (director, Talking Drum Theatre Arts Program), and Marjuan Canady (Sepia Works' Girls! Girls? Girls). Slipknot, directed by La Shell Wooten, will launch in December 2010.

Visiontube.tv is a premiere destination for original programming addressing contemporary issues. Stay tuned for updates on new content and partnerships throughout the coming season! For media inquiries and information on the company, contact Kristen V. Carter at kcarter@visiontube.tv.

‘We are what you watch.’

The 'Workout Plan' Chronicles of Kris - 09.01.10

2010-10-21T22:42:00.000-07:00

Good Morning September!
Ah man, Summer is officially turning into Fall. I'm not too happy about having to switch out my wardrobe but Summer has been very good to me. Good enough that I don't mind being passed along to the next season.

This past weekend, my mom, uncle, and I road tripped to Georgia to surprise my grandmother and my great-grandmother. I'm so happy that we were able to sneak up on Nana for an early birthday surprise, as her big 7-0 falls on September 7th. Amidst the family fun, a 'down home' fish fry, and Scrabble challenge against Mom (my great-grandmother) and Mommy, I was able to do some reflecting. I mean, when am I not reflecting? It's just what I do! No matter how short a visit, I am always able to hear my great-great grandmother Granny's voice in a very special moment.

As I was brushing my teeth at 5:45a on Monday morning and preparing to leave Newton, I started thinking about a conversation I had with a good friend of mine last week. In that convo, he expressed how shocked he was that I've always been shy of a 'relationship.' Not by situation but by title. I've managed to like alot of people, maybe even love a few but we've never really seriously been together enough for stamps or proclamations to the world. And just when I'm feeling confident enough to mention something, the situation fizzles or disappears. He told me that he felt that I am being 'saved' because there's obviously something great and filled with awesomeness. 'I can't understand why you would be exempt from relationships or ahem, complete heartbreak, so that's the best way to sum it up. You've never doubted being able to be happy with someone. You've never been down about it so when that time comes, it's gonna be amazing and you're gonna beam brighter than the sun.'

We spoke for another hour or so about it all and whether he knew it or not, he really eased alot of my frustration. I speak candidly and comically about dating because it feels like one big joke sometimes. But through all the laughter, there's a ton of learning and observing that I've done and I suppose that's all I can ask for. Learning of oneself. But there's always a nagging wondering - why does it seem so easy for someone to walk away from me?

As I washed my face at 5:48a on Monday morning, a voice just came to me. 'You've always felt like men run away from you, but they're actually getting out of the way. Although you may think you want them around, they're getting out of the way so that they aren't blocking what they (and you) know you want and deserve.' I kinda looked around because the voice was so distinct and LOUD. I could not pretend I didn't hear it. I just smiled because that's the kind of resolve I really needed, and I really hadn't thought of it like that.

I have always thought, 'I'm too much but I can't help it. Maybe if I dim my light a little bit, I won't be so blinding. As spoiled as I act with family and friends, I'm really not demanding in dating. Maybe I'm not demanding enough so I'm accepting tomfoolery.' All of these thoughts have been jumbled in my head for a while. But that powerful statement Granny made has kicked around in my head for the last 53 hours or so.

And you know what - if Granny says it, it's true. LOL. More seriously, if my heart says it, it's true. If I (and some of you) can really relate and absorb that, then it's done. I'm not surprised I've made peace and provided a few emotional closures for myself in this short time because those words are ringing in my head. They're sinking in and making sense to me in a way I probably wouldn't have understood if I was given the same wisdom at a different point in my life.

Things always work out, not the way we mapped out but always as they should. Let's just walk along the journey. My goal continues to to be that of 'Have more patience with myself and others.' So far, I'm making some headway. Of course from my impatient side, I haven't made enough progress...but I am getting there. :)

HAPPY SEPTEMBER EVERYBODY! LOVE AND HUGS ALL AROUND. XOXO TO THE FRIENDLY NEIGHBORHOOD. BASK IN THE GLORY OF YOUR LIFE :)

I am happy to be here in this moment.

Love Always,
Kristen Victoria

The ‘One In A Million’ Chronicles of Kris – 08.25.10

2010-09-02T23:59:00.000-07:00

Good Morning All!
I cannot believe how the heavens have opened up this week! I am solar-powered so my productivity runneth a bit low but I'm feeling good, feeling great...feeling great, feeling good, how are you?

Today marks the 9th anniversary of R&B singer Aaliyah's passing. Although I never proclaimed myself a huge fan in the 90s, I really did follow her career through the years and I've continued to celebrate her life and music as I've gotten older. She seemed to be somewhat of a quiet storm, one who blazed trails without having to craft a life made perfectly for PR campaigns. I wonder how she would have dealt with the overly-exposed pop world of today. I venture to say she would have been the youth's Sade, one who dips in and out of the spotlight but always does it with grace.

Aaliyah was one of the first artists of the 90s generation to endorse a brand (Tommy Hilfiger) and move into film. When I listen to her music, I realize just how ahead of her time she was. She may not have had the best voice or the hottest track out, but she had a strong presence in the industry and a voice that continues to be heard. Aaliyah's influence can be seen mostly in Rihanna and Ciara's styles, although I'm no longer impressed with their overall imaging now that they are huge celebrities.

It's interesting to witness how the lives of Aaliyah, Brandy, and Monica panned out. All of them are/were normal girls who just had extraordinary talent. I never knew all I wanted to know about them but as their lives have played out, we've seen the humanity in them - the growth, the heartbreak, the family ties or woes, the transitions, etc. In this day and age of music, the artists are so different. Everything is for show. Nothing is sacred. (Although I love Beyonce, I kinda wanna see her make a mistake. Even just a small one, just to show us that she's not a robot.)

In different ways, Aaliyah, Brandy, and Monica were my r&b heroes. Although Brandy was my ultimate #1 because she was the brown-skinned Cover Girl, I was pretty obsessed with Aaliyah's style; I never understood how she could be so cool ALL the time. I also loved the way she handled herself around the Super Friends - Ginuwine, Missy, Timbaland, & Playa.

Now that Aaliyah has transitioned, I am very happy that she was not around to be a part of the R. Kelly scandals. That would have been the worst. But I am most thankful that her music was pure and she seemed to really love the artistry, as opposed to the exposure. It was very nice to have an around the way girl just dancing and singing because it was a passion.

It'd be nice to see that again but we may never witness that kind of authenticity in pop culture again. Aaliyah is one in a million!

The ‘Reynold’s Wrap’ Chronicles of Kris – 08.17.10

2010-09-02T23:55:00.000-07:00

Good Morning Peeps!

How are you? I have so much to discuss with you, so don't be surprised if you receive multiple messages from me like rapid fire. As of last Friday, my show has closed up shop. We produced 91 really great shows that hopefully some of you got a chance to watch and if not, go to bet.com/thedeal. Message. ;)

A few months ago I shared that I had received a few opportunities simultaneously during this show's season. I felt like the universe was asking me if I was happy - after declaring to a friend days before that I wasn't, that I felt everything was all over the place. Well everything happens right on time. I needed that kind of jolt, that moment of reflection, because alot of times we're wishing and planning for the future so much that we don't STOP to take a look at all that we do have. It took the opportunity to weigh other scenarios that I realized I was content right where I was; that my contributions were valued, that I was growing more comfortable and confident, and that I was where I belonged in that moment...

The decision to remain still was one of the best decisions I made all year. I received plenty of confirmations that I made the right choice for myself, considering I've walked away with tons of experience, confidence, and even a few mentors. So as this show closes its doors, I am thankful I walked out with it as opposed to jumping out of the window prematurely. Sometimes it takes weighing situations to appreciate them.

So, although it's really annoying for people to ask 'well, what are you doing next,' that is the question I am faced with now. But in the meantime, I'm happily occupied with independent projects and JazziDreamer business that should fill up my schedule for the next week or so. Reading scripts, writing, taking meetings. This is what the freelance life requires. :) I refuse to ho-hum it because there's so much to be done...now I just have to figure out how to manage this time. If you know me, you know that I've become not that great at budgeting my time. I'm not sure when that happened but I'm working on it.

Sometimes writing to you helps me find the rhythm for the day. But alas, I have another topic to dive into. See ya in a few minutes! And check out my writing/production reel on http://www.vimeo.com/13940419. Updates are coming this week to www.kristenvcarter.comAND my web series Sellout is on its way before September's out. I can't release the date yet but AJAJAJA!

Love you all,

Kristen Victoria

The 'Time & Space for The Unholy Servants' Chronicles of Kris - 08.02.10

2010-08-19T07:45:00.000-07:00

Happy August!

I hope all is well with you and yours. I guess we're gonna just blink 2010 away, huh? From the looks of it, this has been an incredible and progressive year for quite a few Chroniclers. Not without some blood, sweat, tears, and life lessons to boot! I am hoping that we stay on this kick and keep the energy moving.

I come to you very excited because I am waiting for my editor so that I can complete the final tweaks of my production reel and then update my website with some cool video clips. Ajajaja. I can't wait for you all to see the magic that's the visual resume. I am so humbled. Recently, I went through my closets to find the footage and was so moved to physically see my progress through the years. I read several essays and journal entries and realized that I've pretty much always whined about something. Although I felt like a failing student and social reject in high school, I was never those things. I've always taken the journey to heart and I need to stop that! But as I look back and reflect on the times I thought I was the 'worst,' I was really dead wrong. I've always been better than good enough...it's so much easier for us to criticize and pick ourselves apart as opposed to poppin' our collars and being happy with who we are in every moment. So I hope that as we set goals, I hope you are also looking at the greatness that is inherently you.

So, I have even better news --- I am sitting at my desk listening to Lance Drummonds' debut album with Andre Cole's next chapter of his online book 'The Unholy Servants,' printed out and ready to go for my evening ride home!

If you do not know who these fine gentlemen are, first off - they are Chroniclers. And secondly (but really firstly), they are really great friends. I call Dre Day my 'mentor #3' because he's always willing to listen and give me great advice. While we worked on The Black Carpet, I harassed him about reading his screenplays and chapters of his book and he always refused. Well months and months later, this baby is online and ready for viewing!!! Andre is releasing one chapter every Monday during the summer. I'm not gonna tell you what it's about...I'd rather you support him on www.theunholyservants.com. :)

Lance Drummonds and I go way back to college talent shows! It's been a good little minute but after perfecting his craft and going back to the drawing board to master his songs and get them nice and crispy for you, his album 'Time and Space' is available online. Go to www.lancedrummonds.bandcamp.com. Please tweet about it, facebook, the whole shabang!

It is with pleasure that I share the good news. I know there are so many accomplishments that are hidden behind your screen names. But please, tell me/us/our family about them so that we can cheer together as opposed to always crying together. LOL.

Love and hugs,

Kris

P.S. By the time I blast the next Chronicle, my reel will be up. It's on and poppington! Tiger Woods ya'll!

P.P.S. The Chronicles of Kris web show may be back in production in the Fall. Stay tuned to these weekly messages!

The 'Relating 101: It's A Man's World' Chronicles of Kris - 07.26.10

2010-07-26T22:50:00.000-07:00

'It's tough being a woman cause at the end of the day, it's a man's world,' said my date. After almost two months of chatting, talking over the phone, and occasional outings, he decided to take me out to dinner. I've lost all zest for getting to know this guy in a romantic way but I do find him funny so I didn't mind going out to eat. But recently, I've been taken aback by his ways of thinking. He's recently expressed to me that women need to be ready, willing, and able to engage in whatever activity their man wants. However, when I asked him about things he does to please a woman on a variety of levels, he gave me a rundown of 'don'ts' when it comes to relating. Not only do I find this extremely selfish, I find it extremely laughable. My words: 'I am not the woman for you.' There is NO way that you are going to have full range of my friendship and already have limitations coming into any interactions with me. I asked him about his obvious double standards and he just shrugged his shoulders and kept on eating his dinner. 'It's tough out there for ya'll.' Although we don't fit in regards to desires in a relationship, I did enjoy the dinner mostly because as I've said recently, dating is an exercise. I feel like I'm being placed in a variety of crazy situations to test my self-confidence, my own security in my desires, and also just seeing what other perspectives are out here.

So onto the most hilarious part of the night...

When he dropped me off, he asked to park in my space. When he got out of the driver's side, I saw a little blue bag in his hand. I asked, 'What's that? I know that's not a travel bag in your hand!' He replied, 'Oh, I want to brush my teeth since we ate seafood.' Uh huh, whatever. I cannot believe that this guy really thought it was cool to whip out a travel bag. Why do you have a travel bag? We've gone out before and you have not whipped out your toothbrush and toothpaste. So clearly, this has worked for him sometime before! We're definitely not cool like that and if you thought something was going to happen, it sho' ain't happening now! Definitely not! (However, I was dying laughing at this.)

So when we got through my front door, I noticed he was taking off his dress shirt and I turned around. 'What do you think you're doing?,' I said again. He replied, 'I just wanted to get comfortable.' I just stared and chuckled at him. 'You can relax for an hour but you are not staying over.' Excuse me, what do you think this is?! When he finished brushing his teeth in the bathroom (ROTFLMAO), he sat down and told me that he liked how direct I was about letting him know not to get comfortable. He paused and then said, 'You've been telling me how dominating I am but really, you set the stage for the entire night. We sat outside because you wanted to, I turned the air conditioner off because you were cold, and I'll be going home and you had a good meal because you wanted that. You got everything you wanted in your own way.'

Well yea...I guess. But I mean, damn. This is my house! It is my world. Get right or get left. Get down or lay down!

We talked for a little while and then he got up and got ready to go. He said he wanted to see me again this week. I was pretty surprised because I made myself clear and our track record of getting together is few and far between. Oh well. Although pretty crass, I didn't take any of his actions to heart. If I had been in that situation in a previous season in my life, I would have made a big stink about it. 'How dare he show up with a travel bag? Was he just trying to do THAT and we've only gone out on a date once?' Uh, yes Kristen. Clearly.

But I think these randomly hilarious moments aren't showing me the game, but they are showing me myself. I am still laughing over the complete story. You'll have to call me for that. Some of those details can't quite make air without me crying from absolute hilarity! I am convinced I am not the only person going through these absolutely ridiculous scenarios.

XOXO,

Kris

The 'Summer Love Everlasting' Chronicles of Kris - 07.17.10

2010-07-17T17:24:00.000-07:00

Good Morning Family!

We are halfway through my favorite month - July, oh July! I love it because it's intensely hot and people do crazy things in the heat. Actually, people do real things in extreme conditions and I just marvel at seeing the truth come out. I have already jumped into a few 'out of pocket' moments and those 'WTF' (what the eff) experiences are the best! It's like looking down over the cliff and wondering, 'Is it safe to bungee jump? Will I have the time of my life OR the last time of my life? Well...here goes nothing or everything!' This summer I've devoted myself to doing one thing that scares me everyday and/or trying something I've never done before. And every time, there's that initial moment of fear or thought of doubt that plagues my mind. But then, I close my eyes, take a step, hit send, or lift my voice. And it ALWAYS works out. I walk into what I think is the fountain of love that keeps us moving and the world turning...

I've spent the last few months inhaling books and journaling in my mind. The time that I've taken to listen, as much as sharing, has been a great blessing. Continually, I've been drawn to one theme - 'love versus fear.' The art of allowing versus resistance, the art of flowing versus restriction, responding with your heart versus speaking with your ego - it's all the exact same thing that keeps coming around. I am so thankful for these love lessons because it means I am ready for them. We only get what we're ready to receive.

In May/June, I was approached with several offers out of the blue - various interviews, auditions, dates, living arrangements, and even a game show - WHEEL OF FORTUNE! (Can I get a whoop whoop?!? I made it through the final round!!!) I considered every single opportunity and played out various scenarios of how my life would change or how a situation would enhance my current situation. However, one experience in particular has really set a new tone for this time. While considering a new opportunity, I openly expressed my interest but said I needed a few days to thoroughly weigh my options before accepting anything. Now most times, I jump at new things. I'm very excited and ready for the next - because if it weren't for me, it wouldn't come my way - but this time, I stood still for a moment. I said let me catch my breath before I run off into no man's land. Instead of looking at all I'd be gaining, I reflected on what I have now in this moment. All that I'm learning, all that I'm laughing about, all that I'm inspired by...right where I am standing right now. It didn't take me long to acknowledge that I'm good. I'm happy.

I decided not to move forward with the opportunity for various reasons but mostly because I have more to observe and offer here. And within days of making that decision, it feels like the world just opened up. I started to receive what I felt was coming to me - more growth, more opportunity to be who I am and share more of myself. I'm so thankful for this time.

I say all this to say - I spend alot of time analyzing and figuring things out. I wonder what's gonna happen, what's the next step, how can I avoid pain to get to pleasure, typing and sometimes yelling, 'wait wait wait let me just talk to you RIGHT NOW cause I have to get this out right now' all exasperated-like...and really -

pause, *deep breath* and a moment to recite Whitley's 'Relax, Relate, Release'

I am looking around at the beauty of the here and now and I can say, it is ALL to the good! I think those Michael Jackson parties last month really got to me. I just let the spirit and Thriller move me and I ended up with a crick in my neck first thing Monday morning. :)

Continue to let your hearts speak, let love walk you through the journey, spend at least 10 minutes a day in your silence, and we'll be alright.

I love you all so much,

Kristen Victoria

P.S. If you need a good read, pick up Marianne Williamson's A Return to Love.

P.P.S. I'm such a geek. I wanted to relate today's Chronicles to Wheel of Fortune so badly and then I was like OMG, I can do a 'Before and After' category with this one. Who knows what 'Before and After' even means in Wheel of Fortune? :)

The ‘NST: Natural Standard Time’ Chronicles of Kris – 07.13.10

2010-07-16T09:48:00.001-07:00

Good Afternoon Family,

I meant to send this note a few days ago but I got caught up doing everything or maybe, nothing at all.

Within the past few months, I’ve had some really quirky dates. From meeting someone who literally passed out in front of me to someone who asked me to score our outing, it’s just been plain awkward. There have been a few normal souls and because of their normalcy, they actually seemed exceptional. But a breath of fresh air should feel like a nice merry go round, not a regular walk down the block. But for whatever reason, people just don’t act like they have good sense. I’ve been holding most of the hilarity from the Chronicles and throwing it into an outline for my next fun project. What’s a great summer without a short film to walk with into the Fall!

When outings go sour or things just get a little crazy, I’ve learned to repeat to myself, ‘Dating is an exercise, I am just strengthening my muscle. I am just strengthening my muscle.’ I don’t really get this whole dating/courtship thing but I imagine I’ll continue to keep going and not get it until eventually, some light bulb will come on. Or maybe no light bulb will come on. scratches head, kanye shrug

Wait, wait – let me backtrack. I’ve never really truly dated just to go out and meet new people. I’ve always gone out and kinda (without realizing) selected someone. Insert Chris Rock quote – ‘I want HIM.’ I’m sure there are a few reasons why that’s so automatic so I’m consciously working on that, realizing that we’re all a work in progress. Just because I want him, doesn’t mean he wants me now or at all. And I can’t nice someone into liking me. And I dog on sure can’t make it seem like I understand just so he’ll vent to me and make me the ‘go to’ counselor. So I will get out there and get more comfortable with myself and with others because that's why this time is here.

This level of experience, as opposed to agonizing analogy, is cool. I mean, I think I’d beat a broken record by expounding on the fact that our modes of communication aren’t really communication. As much as I love Twitter and Facebook for idle chatting during the day, a poke or a Direct Message hardly qualifies for special attention. So, how does this next generation of 20-something communicators thrive in an environment where we text instead of talk and retweet as opposed to write letters?

I’ll get back to you on that. All I do know is that the answers will only appear as I continue to live the questions. And most definitely, this and all else will happen in its own time.

Ahh, and what do we have here. A text message that reads, 'That's how you know a date was bad, no further contact afterward.' This was written by someone I went on an outing with over 5 weeks ago and never spoke to again. Sigh...shaking my head...Why?!?

‘Dating is an exercise, I am just strengthening my muscle. I am just strengthening my muscle.’

Workin' Day & Night,

Kristen Victoria

The 'Essence Music Festival 2000' Chronicles of Kris - 07.05.10

2010-07-16T09:46:00.000-07:00

Hey Family,

Happy Independence Day Weekend. I don't usually celebrate this particular holiday with a full weekend itinerary, but thankfully I did this year. On Saturday, I attended Brooklyn Museum's First Saturdays event for the first time ever and if you're in the NYC area, I suggest you check out the next one in August. Beautiful people of all shades - it is THE place to be if you wanna chill, listen to music, and meet some good folk. On Sunday, I had the pleasure of soaking in the sun on the water...I went boating in honor of a good friend's birthday and that was such a beautifully peaceful experience...aaaah! Shout out to chroniclers Patrice and Lance, who both rang in their respective born day(s) on the 4th of July!

On Friday, another chronicling friend Vernae texted me from the Essence Fest. Man, every year I say I want to go but always forget to plan a trip down there. During our short convo, I started reminiscing about the one and only time I traveled down there - I was 15 years old at the time and went down to Nawlins with my mom. If any of you ever decide to travel with my mother, you'll realize she likes to get into EVERYTHING. With her, it's not really a relaxed vacation. It's more like a checklist and the Essence Fest is her kind of party. The festival is full of seminars, booths, food samples, and concerts and back then, I was just tryna keep up. I was doing well - only nodding off slightly at seminars, agreeing to meet and greet with Billy Blanks & other authors, etc - until we got halfway through the weekend. After one of the concerts, we decided to go to an after-party. I remember standing in line with her, completely bug-eyed and nervous because I was so underage. I'm not sure if they let me in because I was tall and looked over 18 or because I was with another woman who was obviously over 21 and almost identical to me. But inside the party, I got my first taste of an older man flirting with me. I was two-stepping and here this bugger comes trying to get closer to me with every beat. 'Where are you from? Aaah, you can move.' I think paralysis set in with each question or comment and before I knew it, my mother yanked the back of my shirt. For whatever reason, I still gave a shy wave to the guy and breathed a sigh of relief that Jacquie Chavis pulled the Mommy card. On our way out, we took pictures with Robert Horry and went back to the hotel. By that time, it was 3am.

So, we went to a seminar the next day and I was pooped. I don't remember anything but cloudy vision and then changing clothes for the Luther Vandross concert. I was excited but I needed sleep...so I gave in to the Sandman's pleading and slept. The whole concert. Here we are in the 6th row and my head is bobbing back and forth. My mom nudges me, I jump up, snap my fingers for maybe 20 seconds, and nod off again. Then, a random guy asked if something was wrong or if I was sick. I said no, and went back to sleep. Apparently, my nodding was so bad that this man asked my mom if I was drugged. I missed most of that concert, although I did clap and scream when Luther shouted out the cue. :)

This was the first taste of night life and my first real bout with sleep deprivation. Fast forward to my graduation trip in 2006. My mom and I visited LA at the time and again, we had a pretty strict agenda. I held on until the very last day. We toured everywhere we could for a full seven days and that day, we took a trip to Disney World. After about an 1.5 hours of heat, I just had a moment. 'I can't take it anymore. It is too hot! I'm headed to the car.' LOL This outburst was followed by another declaration that 'I'm not going anywhere on our last night, I am tired and I want to relax.' (Love you, Mommy!)

10 years later after my first vacation - I can hang with the best of them BUT if I don't get at least 5 hours of sleep, I will be nodding off in any corner imaginable. I have passed out in diners, museums, anywhere that I can close my eyes! Thankfully, I was able to party this weekend, get sleep, play in the sun, and just nap for 5 minutes if need be. Honestly, I did fall asleep while waiting for dinner last night. Ahhh well...I AM still the energizer bunny!

Have a great week!

Life is our playground,

Kristen Victoria

The 'Playground' Chronicles of Kris - 04/19/10

2010-05-06T05:55:00.000-07:00

Hey Good People,
How are you? We're getting closer and closer to my favorite time of the year!! I love to roast in the summer, but there's something to be said for the momentum of Spring. Mother nature starts granting our wish to turn up the heat, and suddenly there's a boost, a feeling of rebirth that seems to come over everything. As the flowers bloom, I've felt a resurgence in my life, one that is welcomed and deeply appreciated.

During 1st Quarter, I was feeling hopeful but incredibly reconstructive. Because of that frame of mind - coming from a point of lack and 'regrouping,' I felt very needy. I need more money, more time to myself, more attention, more encouragement, MORE to 'get it right.' If I had X, I'd feel Z. When will I get (fill in the blank)? How can I get (fill in the blank)?

Upon expressing these thoughts to my mother, she sent me a Daily Word entry the very next morning that said three words -

I AM ENOUGH.

I stared at that email for a few moments and let those words seep in. I continued to say that phrase to myself during the day's journey, and my internal voice began to sing. I have near-perfect health, I have a supportive family, I have a home, a PEACEFUL home at that. I have love, I have true friends, and the honesty that I so desire from others, I have from myself and from my Source. In the days that followed, I spent more time basking in the glory of what my life is at this very moment.

I can't recall the exact moment where things started to click again - when I started to feel inspired and free to dream as opposed to fearful of my dreams. Hold on - when and why did that even happen?!?! Argh! When I absorbed the 'reality' of the world - when I began accepting the images of the recession, feeling for people who are depressed as opposed to acknowledging their circumstances and NOT taking on their burdens, when I was inspired to pull greatness out of others when they were not willing to do it themselves. I had a moment when I forgot the beauty of this life experience. The great reality that we all have the potential to create in and around us. The clarity of asking for what I want and expecting for it to show up in my universe. That's the life that we are all born to live!

So these thoughts spawned other heart-glowing experiences. In March, I hit the recording studio for the first time. I recorded my educational version of Ludacris's Pimpin All Over The World entitled 'Learnin All Over The World.' I wrote it in 2005 for my summer program's graduation song. I also was led to record a song called 'Roadblock.' I was pissed at myself for literally feeling like I hit a fork in the road and didn't know where to turn. I was upset that when I heard the beat, those words came pouring out of me as opposed to some happy-go-lucky song. I sang it against my 'wanna be perfect' side of myself, and vowed to never play it back cause those feelings are just silly...

When I got out of the booth, the engineer began talking about his career and he asked if I had read the book 'The Secret.' I blurted out, 'I have, but I think I may have forgotten it.' I took that moment seriously because that was my heart speaking to me. I really had forgotten the secret for a second! My heart was telling me to continue to seek and to pick up the book because just maybe it has something for me to absorb. I have read alot of 'Mind Body and Spirit' books in the past few months to get that thing back. To get that zeal for life to magically return...but everything is a process, everything is a cycle and it happened when I turned my perspective from emptiness to expectation. And funny, I finally played that song back this past Saturday and started laughing. What a difference a few weeks has made...I don't even feel that way anymore. As opposed to feeling a road block, I feel like the world has opened up...

I say all of this to say - let's make life our playground. I have remembered the greatness of thought, of perspective, of thankfulness. I am so thankful for this time, this space, and this moment...that I'm bursting at the seams. Now I have to settle into feeling great because it's a feeling I forgot. *shakes fist at 2009* Lol...let's continue to look forward, to take every experience as a learning tool that is preparing us for receiving greatness in every area. I realize now that things aren't so cut and dry, that we go through phases, that we can't take things so personally and that it takes time to heal, process, and run toward our joy. But when we do, people better start running with us or run off the road! WORD!!!

And on that note - love, laughter, and loyalty always! I love you all so much. (And for those speed readers, I hope this touches you too!!!)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B7Lj6xf9XPU

Love,
Kristen Victoria

The 'Snoop Dogg' Chronicles of Kris - 03.18.10

2010-03-18T18:57:00.000-07:00

Happy Spring Everyone,

Thank God for some sunshine. I don't care how long it lasts; warmer temperatures are here for now and that's all that matters. For those who don't know, I am hard at work on BET's The Deal, a hip-hop entertainment show that airs at 3am AKA the graveyard shift. I am very proud of our show because we're not just playing what's hot; we are showcasing many aspects of hip-hop and shining a light on mixtape artists, producers, executives, entrepreneurs, and even some culture. Clutch the pearls. (If you can, please DVR the show and spread the word.)

Last week, we hooked up with Snoop Dogg so that he could co-host the show. Prior to our tape day, I was a little nervous. I knew I'd have to prep him for his reads, etc and I'm always a little bit weary of 'high-profile' talent. They are usually pretty detached, moody, and they like to show off by singing and dancing all over the place while their team laughs at all of their jokes. But my producer quickly told me that Uncle Snoop is a ball of fun and will do anything that I ask of him.

Although reassured, I did get a little worried when Snoop showed up hours late and went straight into his dressing room to smoke. That dude is a straight chimney! I mean firrraaaaah. I thought maybe he'd be very mellow & kinda grumpy (I don't know a thing about smoking or smokers), but when he came out of his room, he was awesome and so sweet. He danced around, he joked around, he even messed up and said 'wait am I supposed to start off, baby girl'? Also, he didn't have enough clothing to change for three shoots so we thought he was going to stay in the same outfit for the second shot of the day. When we asked him, he turned around and said, 'I can't look like yesterday' and ran off to get a new jacket.

Besides getting a mean contact and smelling like weed on the way home, the experience was great and I realized why Snoop has been a mainstay for so long. He connects with everyone and makes people feel comfortable without being flashy, arrogant, or showy. And you know it's a good shoot when my staff (who are comprised of people who are 'unimpressed by fame') all got up to take pics with Uncle Snoop. By this point, I was holding in coughs because of the smoke but I'll do it for tha Doggfather.

Good times...

except for the fact that the train conductor started sniffing when he went by me to take my ticket! :)

The 'In Light of Dark Ways' Chronicles of Kris - 03.18.10

2010-03-18T18:55:00.000-07:00

Hi All,

So every morning before I get to shuffling papers, viewing tapes, and typing my life away, I check out the blogs to see what juicy foolishness has transpired since I left my desk. The other day my friend & chronicler Patrice (say hi, Patty D) sent me this link: http://www.crunktastical.net/2010/03/16/winso/. It's a candid interview featuring retired basketball player Winston Bennett as he discusses sex addiction. I'm assuming he's slept with over 1,000 women in his life after doing some math during the interview and all I can say is wow. Not only am I horrified about his experiences (and knowing that other people have to be going through this as well), but I was saddened by the woman standing beside him through thick and thin. Oh yes, he's been married for over 20 years and sleighing folks left and right. A 'stand by your man' kinda woman who's not standing for herself...

When the interviewer asked Winston's wife about her marriage, she said something like, "I know/knew this is something that God will heal in time." You know, I am definitely a believer BUT come on...I really get tired of people using their faith as a crutch for their weaknesses and ultimately an enabler for their pain. God doesn't want us sitting on our duffs waiting for Him to come save us from things we could save ourselves from. We are co-creators!! Although extremely difficult, we have to be mindful and act accordingly when things aren't in tune with our vibrations. You know it doesn't feel good and isn't helping your growth, so get gone OR at least try to find some inner peace. I doubt our Higher Power wants us suffering (especially in a carnal sense) in His name. To me, that's actually using our faith in vain. But again, who am I to judge. Watch this clip...I still think she needs to get the steppin!

There are so many things going on in the world. Family, how can we get back to center as a community? How can we look ourselves and our loved ones in the eye again? Let's work toward self-exposure, identity, and unity if we're going to move forward in any sense of the word.

P.S. This is a thought that I've been pondering lately. Does the story of Adam & Eve (and their descendents) hold us hostage as we seek truth or do those stories of sin, jealousy, good versus evil serve us as we seek freedom, peace, and truth? I have LOTS of thoughts on this topic and would love to dialogue. It's time for a get together/pow wow/forum. :)

Love you all.

Kristen Victoria

The 'Nike' Chronicles of Kris - 03.18.10

2010-03-18T18:52:00.000-07:00

Hi All,

We've got a lot of catching up to do. When the elders said time flies after 25, they were not lying. So with that said, I'm gonna try to bring everyone up to speed real quick. The last month seems like a big blur but honestly, there were some major accomplishments in 1st quarter '10. After a year or so of trying to figure out what to do with our works, my writing partner and I shot the first few episodes of our scripted web programs. We decided to turn my feature film and her pilot tv series into content that you can jump to & click on while you're bored at work. Chea! So I'll definitely let you know when our work is up and running online just for you! We are excited for the possibilities and of course, the continued learning lessons and growth.

It's funny to think about the ebbs & flows that my creative team has encountered and will continue to experience as creative beings. We've gotten things in motion, doubted, had schedule conflicts, gone back to the drawing board, had a productive meeting, cancelled shoots, started over, and then all of a sudden...something just clicked. It wasn't overnight; but I realized what it was. We made a decision that we were going to shoot something - anything!! - in the first quarter of 2010. That decision really put things in motion because we were determined to take these characters off the page and stand them right in front of our faces!

It's no secret that ideas, concepts, & dialogue float through my head all day every day. We can all have these visions but without follow through, it means nothing. One of my partners always says 'just get one thing done,' and now I am finally beginning to understand what she means. KRISTEN, GET ONE THING DONE AT A TIME. JUST DO IT! We must stack our bricks before we can stand on a sturdy wall. We must be able to handle thousands of dollars before managing a million. We must produce one project before handling a slate of productions! There are steps to this thing and no matter how badly I try to jump to some far off land where I do and get everything my heart desires, I must be able to handle what's in my midst.

I must be in the moment, enjoying the process, the beautiful struggle of learning more of who I am & observing what it is I do and don't want in my energy field. And quite simply, making a decision on what I want and setting the universe in motion to achieve whatever goal I have set forth to accomplish.

I watched this Will Smith video on Monday...and I was just blown away. I need to step my game up. We, as a community, need to step our games up. Here's to new dreams and decisions. Keep pondering and using your ability to choose what you want. The strongest thing we can do, besides loving one another, is make a decision to live our best lives!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OLN2k0b3g70

Enjoy,

Kris

The 'Crush Groove' Chronicles of Kris - 02.14.10

2010-02-14T10:36:00.000-08:00

I'm a self-proclaimed late bloomer with hundreds of stories about crushes and people I loved to like. Some of my tales are actually too embarassing to write but here are a few of my fav truths that don't make me blush (as much) anymore. :)

4 - My grandmother and my childhood crush have the same initials. I begged my Nana for her gold ring that had her initials in them for months. I never really told her why, and I don't remember the excuse I gave her. But finally she let me 'have' the ring and I wore it proudly. Finally, during class, my crush grabbed my hand and stared at the ring. He said lovingly (because of course I thought he liked me too lol), 'what do those initials stand for?' I think I batted my eyes and said something like 'you know what they stand for' and ran off. (Now, I'm not sure if this freaked him out but it sure as hell would freak me out for a 9 year old friend to have a KC ring on his finger. LOL)

3 - One of my high school crushes was a family friend. He was the only boy allowed in my room. To this day, I think he knew full well that I had a crush on him but I was terribly shy. I remember him asking me for a massage and my hands literally trembled at the thought of touching his skin. He would come over and we'd play games, just very innocent. One day he fell asleep on my bed and on me and I literally could not breathe. Not because he was crushing me, but because HE WAS LAYING ON ME. Aaaaah! After about 15 minutes, he jumped up all of a sudden as if he was startled. I said, 'what happened?' His reply - 'Ummm...I'm getting too comfortable.' He got himself together. I asked him if he was ok and he said yes. He said he'd call me later and then he went through the front door. My mom was downstairs reading the paper so when I closed the door, she looked up at me. My face was beat red. She said, 'Sweetheart, what happened?' I said, 'I don't know' and burst into tears...
(My reaction reading this now: Poor baby! lol)

2 - I have a college friend who I thought was a divine one coming back to Earth. (Real talk. I think Michael Jackson was one of them as well.) He and I were friends, but I was inspired and intrigued and the whole bit. He's a lyricist so one night after hanging out, he decided to walk me back to my room. I was giggling and completely amused by whatever he was saying, and mentioned that I wanted to learn how to rap. He started breaking down his process and that I should think about things that rhyme. We went through a few little words that rhyme - time, dime, lime, etc. I thought for a second and we did a mini-cipher and I spit. It was great. I fell in love that night. 'Rap to me some more.' LOL

1 - When I was 16, I participated in a recruitment day for my scholarship program. It was held at my church and we were responsible for interviewing new candidates for the program. An admissions officer from a New England school came to the event. I think all the women at my church did the 'turn.' So the day goes by and the day comes to an end. Everyone's wrapping up and when he gets outside, his car is gone from the church parking lot. Apparently he had valuables in the backseat and someone broke in. All of my deaconesses look around like, 'I'm sorry for you but I gotta get home.' My mom turns and says, 'Well, you can come to our house and use the phone.' I THOUGHT I WOULD DIE! I vividly remember skating around my kitchen. There's a man in the house!!! And he's 24!!!We stayed up that night and he told us about his experience at a prestigious college. I probably exhaled 5 times right in front of him. Long story short, he did stay on the couch and traveled back to New England the next day. I was pretty silent for most of the day once we dropped him off at the train station. Finally, I asked - 'Mommy, when am I gonna have a guy like that?' My mom replied, 'He will come when you are ready...but you've got plenty of time for that, sweetheart.' I love my mommy...
So funny how you meet people...I'll never forget that. :)

Ok, I'm hungry. Time to grab some grub with my best friend and the fam. Enjoy your day!!!

Love & all that other...
KRIS

The 'Greatest Love of All' Chronicles of Kris - 02.14.10

2010-02-14T09:02:00.000-08:00

Ahh, good morning. I hope everyone's enjoying the long All-Star/Boo-Lovin Observance weekend. I partake in the All-Star portion of this but ya know, love's in the air no matter what day it is. Last night I watched Love Jones for the 8723rd time in my life, even though it felt like the first. It's funny how certain messages hit home although you've been surrounded by them forever...you don't really catch the truth in anything until you're truly ready for it.

So this morning, I journaled to myself for the first time in a few weeks. I write for various reasons everyday but I finally allowed that quiet time to be completely free-flowing and nonjudgemental of my thoughts. 'Self' has been whispering that I needed to shut up & write, because I recently unleashed my ego and allowed her to run her mouth like wildfire & show her ugly lil' head! I haven't done that in quite a while so it was definitely time to regroup and process my greatness of spirit versus my weakness of flesh. It's funny how I let go of my strength at what felt like a weak moment where I was unsure of myself. (That's backwards I know. Why do we do that to ourselves?)

My overall goal this year is to be more intuitive and decisive, yet I've done a poor job of staying aligned with this goal recently. It's easy to say, do, and act our best when we feel at our best personally & professionally but when we question ourselves, sometimes the bottom falls out OR we pull it from under our own feet and blame other things. Sometimes we cry over spilled milk when it's been sour and should have been mopped up already. At this point, all I can think about is the quintessential phrase 'keep it movin son' but what happens when you just don't wanna move? You get stuck in a rut (probably all by your damn self lol)...so I have to refocus and realize - I'm just living out my lessons.

I am at my greatest with my pen. I feel love & connection in that. I feel the boundlessness of who I am and who I was created to be. I feel the 'heart to heart' connection that I sometimes wish I felt in 'face to face' interaction. This is the place I call home.

So why do I allow myself to feel like a stranger at times? Because in my attempt to be 'right,' I lose my righteousness. In my attempt to prove my point, I step away from things that deserve my greatest energy & focus. It's funny how when I experience discord, I can feel the physical & spiritual split. (I've actually always sensed this, but never quite in these terms.) The part of me that's offended versus the part of me that's merely observing life and taking notes. The part of me that harbors fears of lonliness versus the part of me that knows I'm never alone...ever.

So it's a new year again. My goal is for two to remain one. When I'm feeling all razzle dazzle frazzled, I must take it to the Source as opposed to fighting my own fears. And even after I press Send and go about my business for the day, I'll have to come back to this quiet place and remind myself that I don't ever have to do this thing called life on my own if I just listen...

...now that's love.

The 'Love Song' Chronicles of Kris - 02.06.10

2010-02-05T22:34:00.000-08:00

I'm most honest with myself when I write, which is why I'm constantly scribbling. I generally write four Chronicles a week in my head but sit down to pen one, if any at all. My emotions have been topsy turvy within the last seven days. Thankfully, I've had creativity to distract me - with full-time work & independent projects stealing most of the minutes in my day, it doesn't leave too much idle time for me to ponder about moments past. And thank the good Lord for that! However, in between takes, there's this faint voice telling me that I need to sit down and meditate or at least write. So here goes...

This morning I hit a milestone. I listened to Eric Roberson. Yes. For the first time in months. This time last year, I had just discovered his music and purchased all of his albums but it wasn't long before he was torn away from me. Or I gave him away. We had to break up...well because...other things had broken up. After crying to him on more than a few occasions, I couldn't bear to listen to any of his songs.

Don't you hate when that happens?! When great music becomes tainted by experience? You mistakenly create a soundtrack that leaves your record collection all screwed up. It's almost like robbery; a situation goes South and then all of a sudden your favorite songs become kill joys, stained by imperfection.

All music has some sort of stamp on it. We associate people, places, periods in our lives with melody. One of my all-time favorite songs 'Septembro' was introduced to me sixteen years ago in dance class, and I always reflect on those times in rehearsal and how much that song touched me as a 9 year old. I remember associating Mandy Moore's 'I Wanna Be With You' & Beenie Man's 'Girls Dem Sugar' to a high school crush. And Anthony Anderson's 'Charlene' to an awful kiss in college. LOL But I digress...

Here recently, I went through another transition and found a few songs caught in the middle. Of course, I do reflect on moments...but I decided to fight back and continue singing my song. I am not letting these tunes go up in flames over one moment in my life! It's just not gonna happen. These songs are too special to me. This is MY playlist and I'm not gonna allow anything to come between me and my music! My song selections aren't gonna be ruined just because a situation has run its course.

I didn't even realize I had changed my way of thinking and 'put my headphones on' until Eric Roberson showed up on my iPod. I paused for a second and then thought, 'Wow, when's the last time I heard this song?' I chuckled because I remembered right away - there I was, sitting in my bed, a hot, bubblin mess wiping my eyes with the back of my hand like a little kid who just got pushed by the class bully. Waaa waaa...ya'll know the growing pains...

Eric came back to me and my listening this morning was effortless. I guess it was to show me that I could literally face the music, face my past, and create a new present and future with the music I love. Although I'm telling this story for dramatic effect (lol), I really had shut his music out of my catalog and just shook my head with regret. But tonight I am currently reacquainting myself to his albums and am happy that I have him back. He won't be walking out of the door with the next dj such and such. Whether it's peaches & herb all day long or not, no one is taking my song. End of story.

The '50th Factor: Lessons in Love & Like' Chronicles of Kris - 01.29.10

2010-01-28T17:22:00.000-08:00

Hi Family,

Random KVC fact: I absolutely love 50 Cent.
There's something endearing about him. Under all that aggression lies a warm, fuzzy bear. I'm convinced.

Actually if you know me well, you'd know my obsession isn't all that random. I met 50 Cent eight years ago when I interned at BET. He was previewing the video for 'In Da Club,' his New Joint of the Day before 106 & Park. He hadn't seen the video yet so naturally, he was excited. I was seated behind him, snickering at his giddiness until he turned around and smiled at me. He thought I was just as thrilled to see the video and suddenly, I was. The moment his eyes met mine, I stopped and celebrated with him. I caught myself saying, 'Awww, congratulations.' At the end of the day, his car passed me as I walked to the train station. He rolled down his window and waved at me. I was shocked he bothered to remember, let alone acknowledge me, and I waved goodnight. He gained a fan that day...accidentally on purpose.

Fast forward eight years later and I own all of 50 Cent's albums, his photo book '50 X 50' and I've worked on a 50 Cent project. I'm fascinated by his mystique so I decided to also pick up his book 'The 50th Law,' which is co-written by Robert Greene, the author of 'The 48 Laws of Power.' The book is right up my alley - an examination of the way we process, analyze, and move through life.

The 50th Law is essentially 'fear nothing.' Greene breaks down 50's experiences and how he was able to move past the negative emotion of fear. Although many of the principles resonate with me, I am shocked that 50 did not even attempt to tackle the #1 downfall of them all - heartbreak (& the aftermath of picking up the pieces without fearing another bout of abandonment). I yelled about that as I read through each section. 'Uh huh, you're not going there. I know you're not touching love. Uh huh, next chapter.' Yes, he discusses how to properly position yourself in leadership roles amongst groups of people but he doesn't address one-on-one interaction directly at all...

50 has always presented himself as this unpenetrable monster, someone who shoots before you even get a chance to load your gun. He shields himself from all (love and) harm by isolating himself. Isolating himself and basking in the glory of money, power...and solitude. There is a difference between being along & lonely, but I doubt he really enjoys either one. Through the pain of losing his parents and false friends, he's learned to accept isolation because it's not beneficial to open your heart up, only for it to get stomped on. I feel you, 50. I do...but I can't live like that. I wanna see you with a woman. I wanna see your soft strength. It's only fair. 50, we all need love and cash can't hug you back. But I know you know this, and acknowledge this in your journal if not your book.

He says, "Understand: the real secret, the real formula for power in this world, lies in accepting the ugly reality that learning requires a process, and this in turn demands patience and the ability to endure drudge work." Since 50 refuses to touch on matters of the heart, I will. In my own life, I must accept that intimate relationships demand patience and the ability to endure the trials and tribulations that come with it. That means not giving up 'the goal' when you've 'failed.' That means taking experiences we'd label as good or bad, and make them neutral. They have shown up in our lives to catapult us to the next level, whether we realize it or not. Everyone has an agenda, and you must be clear about your own without losing yourself in trying to win or lose. What is winning or losing anyway? Sometimes things are removed so that you can make room for the real victory. In my life, I must remain in balance - understanding that at any moment, things could change for what appears to be the better or the worse. But in actuality, it's all for the greatness so I vow to experience fully but not dependently. My joys, my growths, my triumphs are not dependent on someone else's moves. However affected, I will never move fearfully.

I watch 50 Cent's new video 'Do You Think About Me' at least once a day. Besides the fact that I love the song, there's a level of unapologetic honesty (ahem, crazy) that's going on in the clip. Vivica A. Fox is a hot mess; We've all seen her crying and talking about 50 in real life so to see her play the role of the crazy ex slashing tires is not beneath her reality. Because of this, I sometimes wish she'd shut up and go cry in bed. You're the female representative, don't let em see you sweat!!! I hate that she's letting it known how hurt she was/is and I especially hate that she has no strategy. But then, I realize damn, she's (wide) open to love...

Damn it, Vivica. Matters of the heart are never cut and dry. Watch the last :30 of the video...there's something in the pain of her remembering the good times, the excitement of getting revenge on 50, the regret of acting radically, and finally the vulnerability of just wanting him...aaaah, emotions will get you every time...no wonder she's a hot mess! Sheesh, maybe 50's got a point. Why put your hand on the fire when you know it's gonna burn?! Why go down a dead-end block? The real fight is not the love itself, but the fear of going down that road (alone)...No matter what happens, love is stronger than fear if you allow it to flow...take a chance...who's gonna be the representative? :)

What would you do if you weren't afraid?

The ‘Drawing Board’ Chronicles of Kris – 01/25/10

2010-01-25T14:27:00.001-08:00

Good Early Morning!
I hope everyone had a fabulous weekend. It's been way too long since I've sat down to the computer, although I have been writing to you all in my head for weeks on end! 2010 hit the ground running - I had a little bit of outside foolishness struggling through my doorways but I was so pre-occupied with more important things that the door was forced shut. Thank the Lord I really didn't have a moment to even allow my emotions to get the best of me. I am so excited to be back into the swing of productivity of writing/producing a series (BET's The Deal which airs at daily at 3am) while diligently working my personal plan; I feel alot more alive when I'm running around with no time. I have always accomplished more with less time. Funny how it works that way...

Last weekend I treated myself to a stroll around the neighborhood. Although I walk to various locations in downtown Newark all the time, I rarely take the opportunity to just sight see or walk around aimlessly. I didn't have a goal in mind; I just wanted to walk and breathe. One particular block caught my attention and I continued to turn the same corners 7 times while engaging in a rivoting phone conversation about relationships with my writing partner. Although I was running my mouth, I was very aware of my surroundings and taking mental notes. Interestingly, I noticed something new about the block every single time I circled around.

Once I got off the phone, I went into the Art Kitchen, the Coffee Cave, and two art galleries. All of these landmarks were foreign and completely new to me. I had a great time sitting or perusing through each one. I was in no particular rush so I spent the entire day just relaxing as I arrived at each destination.

I found extreme excitement and joy in spotting something new every time I turned the corner of Halsey Street. I feel that way about every experience; nine times out of ten, we do not receive the entire lesson when we experience something the first time around so sometimes we have to keep going back to that familiar place in order to obtain something else. We may not even realize there's more to experience but we find outselves at similar junctures time and again until finally, we see and experience all that's there for us.

In my efforts to be more decisive and intutive, I'm becoming way more in tune...or at least becoming a better listener/observer to my own layers. Lately I've been awakening to more of my artist spirit in an attempt to get to know the various pieces of Kristen Victoria. I have decided to take up some sort of visual art (probably coloring and sketching) and get in front of a microphone. If you've been near me in the past couple of days, I've been screaming about how much I want to record an r&b mixtape. I've always loved to sing but since I always thought I could dance better than I could sing, people only know me as a dancer. Actually I only really know myself as a dancer. I don't even need others to hear what I put together; I just want to hear myself and see where I can go with ideas, words, rhythms, and the freedom of a new creative space.

As the days go by (in this new decade), I am hoping that we all can work on releasing more of our self-judgements in order to reveal pieces of ourselves we've previously put to bed. Over the weekend, I held the first few rehearsals for my scripted series Sellout and the feeling of my words coming alive feels incredibly fulfilling and humbling. It felt like my characters have FINALLY come off of the page and stepped onto Earth and right into the room. But this did not happen until I was ready for it to happen....until I called it up...until I stopped judging my work for not being good enough. I finally just said, 'I don't care, I just want to get something on film.' Now, we'll see how the project evolves but my characters are in the flesh because I am open to that. I finally hit the block and saw something that spoke to my spirit in a different way, that allowed me to go in without pre-judging and just say here's me, here's my art, and I'm gonna do something with it.

I realize we spend more time fighting ourselves than other people. But how did we get this way? How and why did we start caring about what other people thought of us over what we thought of ourselves? Why is social acceptance or 'rightness' so important? And furthermore, when did we start believing that a life without truth and love is even acceptable? If anything, I've been spending more of my time studying how to revert to our God selves - being full of clarity and bringing peace to our lives and circumstances. When did we lose that? I suppose I'll spend more time becoming more peaceful as opposed to figuring out how we became less peaceful. Gotta keep the forward moving and thinking on the horizon...

Life is funny. Has anyone read any Neale Donald Walsch books? I hardly recommend him. I'm gonna read a few pages and hit the hay. I've gotta get back to my regularly scheduled Chronicles. I miss you guys when I'm away too long.

Have a great week and do something you've never done to achieve something you've never achieved...(and tell me about it!) Keep sketching, keep dreaming, keep putting love thoughts into action!!!

Creating Always,
Kristen Victoria

The 'Love Everlasting' Chronicles of Kris - 12/31/09

2010-01-25T14:24:00.000-08:00

Dear Love,

It is once again that I sit down to the keyboard with a humble heart - thankful for peace in this moment, tranquility in my spirit, and creativity in the midst. It's no coincidence that we are in some way connected, and I thank you for your positive energy as we all move forward as a community. I hope that we will continue to support each other even more as we live out the missions written on our hearts and vision boards.

I have plenty of goals for the new year, and they all surround one ultimate goal - being more decisive and intuitive, trusting what I already know or feel within my heart. I skimmed through a few Chronicles from last year, and it's amazing to hear the energy in each of those writings. Words cannot express how grateful I am to have each of you. You have strengthened my spirit in some way, shape, or form - whether it's a simple smile as we bump into each other on the street, food for thought during a lengthy convo that I needed, or a listening ear as I vent, it all means so much! Your friendship and mentorship is something that cannot be replaced! I appreciate that you continue to accept my gifts and continue to share yours with me.

The biggest lesson I have learned is that love and understanding is all that we need in this life. There is no way around our life's lessons except to go through them with an open heart. And if it's not open, we'll keep on experiencing & analyzing the same things until we learn the way in which we should go. :)

As we enter a new year, decade, and energy, I wish everyone a happy, healthy, prosperous celebration with family and friends. Here's to new goals and action plans!!!

Love Always, Kristen Victoria

P.S. I love this quote 'We are what we've been waiting for...'

The 'Salute to 2009' Chronicles of Kris - 12/18/09

2009-12-22T07:59:00.000-08:00

Happy Friday!
I hope this reaches everyone in great spirits. The holiday season is one of reflection and reunion, but can also be a time of hardship and heavy hearts. It is my sincere hope that you all feel loved, appreciated, and supported all year round. I am sending positive energy, health, happiness, creativity and joy to each of you.

We are 13 days away from 2010!!! A new beginning, a fresh start, a kick in the heineken and I LOVE IT. My dream sheet has been fine-tuned into a precise goal list, and I'm ready to just bust through the '10 wall. I've had many conversations with my 2009, and I am very happy that we have come to a place of harmony and understanding. It took us a good minute but I have worked with 2009 to resolve any feelings of uncertainty, confusion, and hostility. It is my pleasure to hug it out with 2009 and salute the year with a smile.

Recently, 2009 sat down with me and explained itself. It said, "You are a beautiful bird, and the time has come for you to spread your wings and fly. But if you have never used your wings to soar, we must stretch and prepare them. That preparation can leave you feeling sore and uncomfortable because you've never used your wings before. These are foreign movements. You may want to lay down because the stretching hurts so much, but you've already started the workout so it's best that you struggle through it. You've gotten stronger and stronger but instead of focusing on the growth, you focused on the pain. You told me your wings looked and felt different. You said you didn't fit in with the baby birds and they made fun of your black and blue wings. You wanted to look, feel and act as you did in the past. You questioned if you should get back in the nest with the other baby birds, but it was too late. You had already opened your mouth and expressed to me that you wanted to fly. I'm going to see to it that you learn how to fly with ease, grace, and most importantly, the feeling of freedom. Once you become comfortable with our training, you will feel more willing to fly alone, and then you'll grow into comfort and finally confidence. This is the only way we can fly. We have to learn."

I looked at 2009 and cried, but this time I cried happy tears. Through my training process, I never thought of 2009 as a mentor. I saw him/her as an enemy, someone trying to push me off the edge or drown me. I felt nervous and offended. "Why can't I just get my footing? Why won't you LEAVE ME ALONE! I don't want to do this anymore." But 2009 never left my side. Whenever I felt my wings flapping frantically, 2009 put me on his/her back for a moment until I gathered my bearings. I didn't like when he/she put me right back on that cliff but each time I opened my wings, I stayed in the air a little longer.

2009, you've trained me well. You've forced me to face my fears. You caused me look at my wings and understand I am equipped to fly. I have the necessary tools for magnificent flight. You have prepared me for flight but I must decide if I will soar. I thank you for this challenge and I love you for it.

*

This is a year I will never forget. A full year of firsts - unemployment, writer's block, heartburn, facing my personal & professional insecurities, producers' interest followed by lack of follow-through to meeting almost every producer I've ever wanted to meet, pitching at my first festival, planning my family reunion, staying with my father for the first time, pitching my material, solidifying my creative team, casting my projects, and opening my heart to opportunities to grow, love, relate, collaborate, and discover my purpose on this planet. Wow! 2009, you turned my world upside down. I hope that I have done you proud. I will take your lessons and meet 2010 with wide eyes and my heart open. And yes I know, 2010 won't allow me to hold its hand but hopefully he/she'll have a sturdy back in case I need to jump up there for a moment! :)

Thank you for everything.

Love Always,
Kristen Victoria

The 'Crossover' Chronicles of Kris - 12/3/09

2009-12-03T08:23:00.001-08:00

Hey Family,
I'm back. It's been too long. I've missed you. Within the last month, enough people have inspired me to get off my duff & back to the Chronicles. Thank you for allowing me to have your eyes. Thank you for your words of encouragement, as I, too, continue to journey through this thing called life. Because of this cycle of transition and transformation, I found myself wondering if I was doing the 'whoa is me' dance - taking you through too many dips and turns without any Cha Cha slides. I, secretly or not so secretly, love to make people laugh and I was upset I wasn't chuckling. I was really mad I didn't find my growing and changing funny; that I no longer wanted to wrap my experiences up by 'finding the lesson.' So I shut up for a minute and did my 'where's my life going' quandery silently.

Of course, that question plagues each and every one of us daily. I, however, literally cannot escape what seems to be my path. I had pretty much stopped writing altogether for these past two months and in November, I was hit with multiple dreams, meetings, and once in a lifetime debacles. I am being shaken around to the point where I have to fight for my voice. I have no choice but to continue shouting from the rooftops - I HAVE SOMETHNG TO SAY. And it's also been made very clear, that I can either sit around and think about what I wanna do and where I wanna go...or I can just, DUH, do it!!!

Before every road trip, my mother and I bow our heads and say, 'Lord, you are the pilot. I am merely the co-pilot. Please get us to and from safely & soundly. Amen.' We expect to reach our destination unharmed, knowing that God has wrapped His wings around our car. When I travel in planes, I think of Him holding our aircraft, the way that kids direct their toys through the air. It helps unnerve me because I have a fear of flying.

Well...I am currently staring my goals and fear of the unknown in the face so...ahem, here goes -
'Lord, you are the writer, the producer, the director. I am merely the co-writer, co-producer, co-director. Please work through me each and every day as I finish the final draft of this screenplay, begin casting, and seeing these projects through. Please allow me to think, speak, walk with confidence, and share my message and creativity. Amen.'

I love the last month of the year because it's two-fold: the last lap (although this is a cyclical thing, we really don't start a new but it's nice to think along these lines) and the pre-start to the start. It's like brushing your teeth and tying up your shoes before a good morning run. 2010 - here we come! So I'm dedicated to finishing this year with zest, allowing the unknown to encourage me as opposed to plague me. I'm starting the new year with a sense of determination, focus, willingness, openness, and hunger because the only thing that remains the same is change. Constant growth, forward movement, and uphill climbing! My legs may get sore but I can always take a deep breath, regroup, and keep climbing. No looking back!

So 2009, you have blessed me with lots of lessons, mileage, new friends, and more stories to share. And I'm thankful to continue learning and LAUGHING and finding more about the stuff I'm made of.

*

IF YOU'RE IN THE NEW YORK CITY AREA, COME TO 'THE BLUE CONGLOMERATE - VIDEO PREMIERE & NETWORKING EVENT' AT KATRA LOUNGE, 217 BOWERY. HOSTED BY JAZZIDREAMER ENTERTAINMENT & IFILL EVENTS!

*
Love & Hugs for Days,
Kris

P.S. Dang, I just realized the 'Chronicles' turns 2 tomorrow. :)

The 'T-E-A-M' Chronicles of Kris - 10.14.09

2009-12-03T08:15:00.001-08:00

Hey Good People,
How are you? It's been a while so I hope this email reaches everyone in a good place! I've been very good, happily occupied in work & play and starting the countdown for my 25th birthday party - NOVEMBER 21ST - that hopefully everyone can make. It's been months since I've seen most of you and I'd love to know how you're doing.

I just wanted to regroup with this sounding board because lately, I've been generally unmoved to write. Of course there's always funny things running through this head of mine but that's not the issue at hand; it's simply time to spend more energy supporting the 'we' as opposed to the 'I.'

Recently, a few close friends and I have spoken at length about dealing with relationships, mostly in regards to having the attention to tend to self and others versus needing to retreat and get our emotions together to then face the world and our loved ones again. Those interactions can be work, family, love, mentor to peer, or friend relationships but no matter how big or small, sometimes we need to just claim our moment to clear our heads and plant our feet again.

Now that we've entered the fourth quarter of the year - and thank the Lord I am finishing strong cause I wasn't so sure about this year a few months ago - I feel like 2009 has been the year of relating: understanding myself in relation to the world and others. I have continually repeated this to myself as I've experienced various highs and lows and highs again, exposed self-criticisms and greatnesses, and discovered more of what I want from myself and what I hope for in this life. Growth is not always comfortable but I am getting used to squirming, asking even more questions than I have posed to you, and making the most of every moment given.

All in all, I am deeply appreciative for all of you. I am so excited that quite a few of you have connected in ways that have changed lives, and I can only hope that we use this circle for the betterment of each other. I desire less to use this forum to speak about myself, and more as a support to encourage each other's growth and providing a universal sounding board. I am currently moving through how to best utilize this awesome community. Hopefully we can do so as I continually reach out and email-harass most of you on a weekly basis. :)

If I have not spoken to you in a while, please please please write back (not reply all!) and let me know what's been going on in your life. I know everyone's transitioning, so please let me know if there's anything I can do to lend a helping hand.

Peace and Love Always!!!

XOXO
Kristen Victoria

The ‘School Supplies’ Chronicles of Kris – 08/24/09

2009-08-24T08:26:00.000-07:00

It’s officially ‘back to school’ time. Five-Star commercials are running like wild fire and kids are pushing passed me in the supermarket for notebooks. I don’t care what gadgets these new fangled kids are getting, us 80s babies got the best and brightest hook ups of them all. I will never forget my mother getting a swarm of Chucky Cheese pencils, only for me to give out each and every one of them before the week was out. By Friday, I was known as the Indian giver because I had to ask for them back. (Sidebar: Why is that called “Indian giver?” I don’t believe Indians gave things and then asked for them back!?! Please let me know!)

Anyway – as Jay-Z says, “You can pay for school but you can’t buy class” and he’s absolutely right. We all know that common sense is the most valuable smarts of them all, but it’s funny how we just don’t wanna pay attention.

Recently, a friend of mine came to me about a dating question. She wanted to know if the person she was digging really likes her, based on a few scenarios presented. I don’t like commenting on people’s situations because Lawd knows I have gotten plenty of sound advice and have not taken it until going through the fire myself. I carefully broke down some of the reasons why I felt the person was not all that interested, most specifically he wasn’t showing initiative. She continued to say, “But he hits me up…but he talks to me for X amount of time.” NO, NO my sister. Not the same thing. Anyone can talk, but who is backing it up!?! Look, don’t listen! PLEASE…I’m telling you…Check yourself before you wreck yourself and wind up swimming in the pool of lovelike by yo’self!!!

As I sat and reflected on my own experiences, I just thought about all the stupid moves I have made, thinking that someone would like me more if I “worked” harder for their attention. What kind of assanine thought is that?!?! That sounds so ridiculous, but that’s really how I was maneuvering. Maybe if I show up…maybe if I just talk about what I want…aww, it doesn’t hurt to reach out first…again…again…and again. It doesn’t hurt them cause they don’t care but it most certainly puts a damper on your parade if you’re hoping and wishing for something that’s not there.

But it’s ok, we all put ourselves through emotional agony. And what’s funny, we know it all along. If we listen closely to our inner voice, we’ll breathe and remain calm for a few more moments so we can catch ourselves…but usually, we’re so hung up those thoughts of tranquility don’t seep through in the least.

It’s so interesting how much thought and weight we put on things that don’t feel great. If it doesn’t feel good, if we’re not laughing, loving, and learning, just cut it off. End of story! Don’t even waste your time. Our time is too precious and too valuable to just waste on contemplation. (This is really easy to say now that I’m not crying my eyes out. LOL But I think I’ve finally gotten it. Maybe.)

Now if someone IS showing you interest and you are interested back, please just have fun with them and learn what it feels like to be appreciated. I’m not really sure how or why we got tricked into just letting our mind jump down the aisle, but let’s dial it back and just enjoy our present.

What a difference 5 years makes when it comes to life lessons and just age old personal experience. Goodness gracious great northern beans…LOL.

Ok, that’s it for me for now!! Let’s use our common sense. If it doesn’t fit, we must acquit! Size 7 shoes on Size 9 feet never fit, no matter how hard you squeeze. Try another shoe on or get crazy corns and an irritated heel. HA. Gotta get back to writing.

Love,
Kris

The ‘Pop Culture’ Chronicles of Kris – 08/24/09: A Commentary on HBO's True Blood

2009-08-24T07:17:00.000-07:00

Is anyone half as obsessed about HBO’s True Blood as I am?!? Oh my goodness, I LOVE that gosh darn show!!! I know, I know…A few of you can’t get into the blood and guts of it all, but if you can get passed the obvious turnoffs and things that naturally make us uneasy, the overall message of the show sticks out like a sore thumb.

In case you don’t watch, let’s fill you in right here and now. True Blood is about a young woman named Sookie who falls in love with a vampire named Bill. Sookie can read minds and this helps her navigate through danger as she and Bill face life-threatening moments throughout the series. That’s not even the half of what goes on, but basically Bill and Sookie are able to transcend the social boundaries of “human” and “vampire”; they help others regardless of who or what they are.

My best friend and I spend hours debriefing the show because it’s an obvious allegory for what’s going on today. Vampires want equal rights in this land of humans, and the radical humans will go through Hell and high water to make sure this doesn’t happen. But as we journey through the story lines, we realize that humans and vampires are much the same. And we’re coming to a point where humans and vampires have to come together to fight for a cause that’s bigger than their social prejudices. They must literally destroy evil. Oh my goodness, LOOOOVE IT!

What’s funny about the show is that in this point of the season, most of the townspeople have been possessed by the demonic energy and have been filled with “nothingness.” Last night Sookie read into her best friend’s brain and saw complete darkness, blank thoughts. This is also synonymous with today’s culture. If we, as a people, don’t wake up and stand for something, we’re just gonna fall for anything without so much as a second thought. Well, I’m not saying anything new. Our nation has already fallen into political propaganda and mainstream rigamaro, etc…our population has allowed itself to become lazy, stagnant, we can’t even pinpoint good entertainment anymore. We just sit and watch these disgustingly degrading reality shows, and think nothing of it. And we’re in such a massive consumer climate that we just want to want…and it’s not even for anything specific. In “True Blood,” the townspeople have become heathens; they are greedy and lustful beyond belief. It’s soooo flippin nutso crazy (lol) but honestly, completely fathomable for our real world at the rate we’re going. There will come a point in this life where as a global community, we’re going to be forced to come together for the greater good and expansion of ourselves. Times are changing and I hope we’re taking note…

So all in all, go get the boxed set for Kwanzaa! True Blood is LIKE THAT!

The 'Ego Check' Chronicles of Kris - 08/24/09

2009-08-24T07:12:00.001-07:00

*HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY NICOLE!*
*HAPPY BIRTHDAY BLUE!*

Good Morning Everyone,
Happy Monday! I am so excited for this day because it’s another opportunity to “get it right.” To do something we haven’t dared, to correct something that has had a negative effect, or to continue with the plan of excellence that may be clicking. No matter what category you fall in, make it a great day because we will never have 08/24/09 again.

Before I continue, I want to apologize for my last Chronicles posting (“Summer Daze”) in which I vented about how transitional this time has been. For those who do not know (which I take it is most of you), I have been funemployed for most of the year. I’ve been “ok,” but there are emotional ups and downs that come with the territory. The usual “I’m too talented to be at home” statements and then there’s the moment of “Am I marketing myself properly?” and then finally, then it dawns on you, “The old approach is not what’s cutting it these days” Granted, I have not found the magic touch in terms of dollars, I really cannot see this phase lasting too much longer. I mean, besides the fact that the big ol 2-5 is coming around the bend. Through it all or shall I say “nothing at all” (lol), I’ve managed to remain productive in a number of areas – finishing up all writing FINALLY and moving forward with some non-traditional methods of getting the brand out there. All in all, this year has been a productive one, and I, too, go through valleys. Definitely more peaks than valleys but there have to be moments of rearrangement so that we can get to the other side.

Lately I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about the “ego.” Within the past few months, I’ve encountered many people that just mouth off. I mean they just run off at the mouth! Chirp, chirp, chirpin’ about who they are, what they are, the people they know, and what they have that I don’t. Most of these people have had success in their own right, but haven’t we all? YES! I am semi-narcoleptic so when people come to me and don’t give me room to chime in edgewise, I get sleepy pretty quickly. LOL It’s true.

One thing remains true every time – I AM NOT IMPRESSED. I really dislike people who run down their resumes at first handshake, particularly because it’s a shield. It’s a way of keeping people at bay, intimidating folks, and making them believe that you’re all of this grandeur when really “you ain’t nobody.” I don’t do the networking scene very well because of that. I love to meet people and to connect – actually I’m beginning to think connecting people is part of my life’s mission – but I do not do all that resume listing for sport. It’s not cute. So when people come to me wanting to partner and they run off at the mouth about all they supposedly have, it turns me off from seeing who they really are. Also, it’s just a waste of time.

I say this because I’ve taken many a boring meeting and thought, Oh my goodness, is this meeting about you or about what we can do to help each other grow. SMH. (LOL)

The “ego” is a whole other entity of our person and if we let it run wild, it will ruin us. I also say this because of my previous inability to see that it’s ok to try something new or what can be seen as “lower on the totem pole” so that I can continue building my portfolio and work my way back up. There’s nothing wrong with trying new positions & new partnerships if we come at it with the right perspective. But when our guards are up, we’re not allowing ourselves to see the blessings in the newness being presented. I don’t like having my ego up so I can only pray that God continues to connect me with like-minded people and situations that can allow my creativity and trust level to grow…

When we’re alright with self, there’s no need of convincing people who we are, and what we have. Let’s just be.

I’m getting my swag back (LOL) so you may get a Chronicles flood this morning. I hope you’re doing well and I hope to see you soon. Oh yes, Michael Jackson weekend!! If you love MJ and you live in NY, I better see you partying! J

Love
Kris

The 'Let Go of Summer Daze' Chronicles of Kris - 08/12/09

2009-08-12T19:28:00.000-07:00

Hi Everyone,
How are you? I know it's been more than a hot minute since I've reached out, and my only excuse is "taking a summer break." However, we all know that I bask in the opportunity to run my mouth and type feverishly so I really don't know what happened. A week turned into two weeks, and then I just took an unforeseen hiatus for every reason and no reason at all. But I'm back, kicking and screaming, and that's all that matters.

It's not even Fall and I'm already starting the countdown to my 25th birthday, which is on November 25th if you'd like to count down with me. Besides the fact that I am trying to decide between a New Jack Swing or MJ themed party, I feel like some things might actually start clicking by then. This year has been, well, interesting. Slow to say the least. Transformative to say the most. Going at its own pace but it is indeed going with intention. It's one of those caterpillar seasons, but alas we know those pretty wings are coming soon!

I am intrigued, bored, excited, nervous, pensive, motivated, lazy, and jazzidreaming all at the same time. I'm not one for a pot luck of emotions because all that mixed up together can sometimes equal stagnation. So I try to block out my thoughts of the unknown and keep on stepping. That's turned out to be effective as I am always plotting and planning my world takeover. But one thing is true - I am in limbo. An "I really can't tell ya what's going on" kind of limbo. An "I'm gonna ride the wave and see what shore I end up on" kind of limbo. I'm almost to the point of the "Stop asking me what I'm up to because I'm trying to figure it out myself" kind of limbo. This is the kind of feeling friends come to me with, so it's oddly uncomfortable when I am forced to take a look in the mirror. I do use my own advice but it's time to take down more notes from another, not so well known book. I suppose this is what occurs when we are forced to try new things that make us squrim but will ultimately make us better. Simply - Out with the old, in with the new. How can we move on if we don't want to let go?

The new feels so much better any ol way but yet somehow we wanna look back and try to make our former comfortable ways, people, experiences, modes of operation work. AND. THEY. JUST. CAN'T. I know I'm not speaking in specifics because I really don't have any one specific story in mind. All I know is that this has been one heck of a year with Obama as president, swine flu running rampid, the weather going mad, Michael Jackson flying back to the galaxy, several births and deaths, and Twitter shutting down for an entire day - I know, the world's truly coming to the end with that one. LOL

Sometimes I feel like nothing is going on in my life because the job market is super slow but then I stop and think about all the life changes I've experienced in the last 8 months. A number of people (new and old) have walked in and out of my life to illuminate some part of me. I have made significant strides with my "passion projects" which will no doubt be "put on" before the year's end. Lance Drummonds, me artist, me pal, has made a tremendous climb - almost 300,000 hits on his www.lancedrummondsmusic.wordpress.com blog. It is a wonderful feeling to believe in someone and watch their dream and the collective team mature steadily. And loved ones have all made courageous leaps within this same time frame. So you know what, I guess this is the year that's molding me into a true adult - and damn it, IT. IS. WEIRD... Aaah well, such is life.

I suppose this is also the formula for champions. An old chapter closing, a new chapter beginning... I just wish it would begin already!!!

You know what loves, it's passed my bedtime. It's about that time to take some Claritin and hit the hay. My allergies/cold symptoms are acting up!

Cinnamon Toast Crunch & Jello Pudd'n Pops,
Kristen Victoria

P.S. The Not So Randomness:
1) Act like you know and watch True Blood. I'm absolutely hooked! HBO, 9pm!
2) Start saving your energy for the weekend of 08/29/09 - MJ's birthday!!! (Goodness, I hope I don't break another shoe on the dance floor.)
3) I have broken the bank with my 2009 traveling so if you are an out of towner and you already know I love you, stop by mi casa!
4) I read "Act Like a Lady, Think Like A Man" finally...of course when I needed it and should have been applying some of the things we all instinctively know and don't act upon, I didn't want to touch the book. There's nothing new in there except common sense. It's a cry out for less dreamy thoughts and more real life analysis. Quick read. I recommend.
5) Big Hugs and Well Wishes All Around! :)

The ‘Sacrificial Dress’ Chronicles of Kris – 07/17/09

2009-07-17T01:06:00.000-07:00

Good Morning Mi Familia,
How are you? July is one of my favorite months and it's zooming on by just like the rest of 'em. I have to be careful not to wish the time away though, as I thought we were already in the 20s. Time for me to slow MY roll.

Although I made it home late Saturday night, I mentally lollygagged my way back to Jersey on Wednesday. As you can see, I've gotten back in a "no pattern" sleeping rhythm so who knows when I'm gonna get sleepy. But that's only a minute detail to a wonderful start to the 2nd half of the year. Despite losing my favorite dress, the trip to LA was a WIN. Because of the late planning and attempt to cut costs, I refused to reserve a hotel room. It just didn't make sense to spend money to shower and sleep and spend absolutely no time in my room. So my friend/chronicler Brandon (everyone say hi!) so graciously extended his apartment to me the night I got in while my writing partner La Shell (say hi again) reached out to her friends so that I could be accommodated for the rest of the week. However, when I touched down at LAX, my brother and sister were waiting outside for me. I knew they were supposed to take me to my rental car, but they asked "Ok, so what are your plans for tonight?" When I told them, I would be waiting for my friend to get off work, my sister just sped off down the freeway. Ooookkkk. Um, I guess I'm going back to THEIR house. I nervously texted between chatter until we got to their house. No rental car pick up (lol), we just drove...

When we arrived, I greeted their mother and minutes later, my father came through the door. He took me inside of one of the bedrooms and said that I was welcome to stay for the week. I was pretty surprised, but not terribly anxious about it. It was one of those calm, sedate "wow, that's great" kind of thankfulnesses. My brother gave up his room and I slept in there for the duration of the week. You know, prior to last week, I never once thought about staying there or what it would be like to experience my father's home life...and I never really fully considered having siblings. I mean, I've just always said I have half-siblings and a step-sister but really, we're not half-people so it is what it is. We're related by blood or extension or experience. Case closed (if you've reached this level of comfort - lol). As much as I didn't know what to expect, I'm sure they didn't know either but I was very grateful that all four of them opened their hearts to me. That was really a wonderful experience to see a different side of my father I had never been exposed to and to just be myself without having my guard up. I'm thankful for that time of laugher, of clowning, of fellowship, and I'm still shocked that everyone got up at 6:30am to see me off. Wow, that was really nice. So I'll see them again. Good times had by all.

The LA TV Fest brought me out to the West Coast but even if nothing pans out due directly to the festival, I left with so much more than professional experience. I did gain many contacts and pitch a show which was great. But the highlight (besides staying with my family) was meeting the Bythewoods. You all know I've been ranting and raving about this couple (writer/directors Gina and Reggie Bythewood) since they touched base with me in April. THEY ARE THE FREAKIN BOMB! It's one thing to respect someone's craft but it's another thing to meet them and gain respect for their essence and what they stand for as people. They were so gracious and interested in what I had to say to him, and all I kept thinking was, "Wow, I can't wait to be in their shoes, inspiring young talent behind me." They are so not Hollywood...and it has been awesome to just have people listen to me, respect my talent, and just say in so many words "We're watching you, young sister." I basically left their house screaming because it's no accident that I am being guided to such humble spirits, those who live and work to love, and work to love and live.

So yes, the angels wrapped themselves around my plane's wings when it was pouring down rain on July 7th (during the live MJ tribute that I was missing!) and I arrived and departed safely. The two-day festival was very informative and being a door monitor was tiring because I was standing for 12 hours straight. I changed my clothes for the pitch meetings and due to the excitement of the week, I didn't even realize the dress was gone until I was packing for my departure to Newark. I called the hotel but who'd leave a stunner like that over the bathroom door besides me?! :( Ahh well, a small price to pay for a wonderful adventure! This journey is a blessing, and I'm so thankful for those who have gone on before me, who stand beside me, and those who are coming behind me. Aaah yes, and of course Michael is moonwalking across the sky. :)

***

With that said, PART 2 OF MY ONLINE RADIO INTERVIEW WITH BLOG TALK RADIO'S BEYOND THE BLING WILL BE THIS COMING TUESDAY, JULY 21ST AT
9PM EST. GO TO WWW.BLOGTALKRADIO.COM/BEYONDTHEBLING OR CALL IN AT 347-945-5306. YES, YOU CAN LISTEN IN VIA WEB OR PHONE.

Have a wonderful weekend...Keep smiling and shining...and hit an MJ tribute party just for me!

XOXO
Kris

The 'Re-UP' Chronicles of Kris - 07/10/09

2009-07-10T09:16:00.000-07:00

Good Morning My Lovelies & Handsomes!
Mum's been the word for the past few weeks, not because you haven't crossed my mind...there's just been ALOT happening all at once. On June 25th, I had planned to write this big ol testimonial entry and right when I hit the computer, I got wind that Michael Joseph Jackson died. WHAT?!? If you know me at all, you know that "MJ dead" isn't quite possible in my world. In short, I've never thought MJ was human to begin with so he's probably moonwalking in the galaxy, talking with God & the sacred ones, and pointing to the next planet he wants to rock cause you know Earth wasn't his first stop anyway! I still have my MJ picture I used to carry with me each day in elementary school. KRISTEN VICTORIA LOVES YOU MICHAEL, and I wish I could have been born 10 years earlier so we could have been real, true, "Precious Moments" friends.

Even if I don't want to stop jumping around & yelling to the Jacksons all day long, I have to because I have an extraordinary life to live too! In the last few weeks, I've had the amazing opportunity of being featured on an online radio program (thank you to all who called in!!!), getting in touch with some amazingly talented and well-known producers, pitching my work, and being selected to volunteer at the LA TV Festival this week. The momentum of the last few weeks has been so humbling. I feel a breakthrough in the midst, and I finally feel good about walking in it, and just letting the miracle happen. A few months ago I was super nervous about showcasing any work and the power of saying "I am..." versus "I think I am/can..." is ABSOLUTELY DIFFERENT. Not sure if anyone knows this but when MIchael was recording Thriller, he wrote on his mirror constantly. "I am going to sell 20 million albums. I am going to make the greatest selling album of all time." No matter what else went on in his life, Michael tapped into that God power, the fearlessness it takes to be GREAT. I've often thought that greatness cannot really function well in a mediocre society, one that prides itself in getting over (yes, America!). But anyway, my goal is to tear down those walls of doubt and just be freakin spectacular...

The TV Fest was a great experience, and oddly enough alot of people were inspired by "my story." We all have a story, and since I was a door monitor, I probably ended up testifying at least 7 times. I was the only person from WAAAY out of town. Briefly, a few mentors strongly suggested that I make my way out here. By the time I looked up the info, the pitch pit opportunity for show creators was closed and the registration fee was $550. Um yea, not paying that much. But the very next day, I "bumped" into a former colleague who suggested I volunteer. He reached out to the volunteer committee but there were no more spots left. Of course, I'm thinking I'm still gonna go...and I got a call just last week asking if I was still available. So, I was a last-minute shoe in for the volunteer spot and I got my behind out here. Guess where I'm staying? Aaah, with my father and his family.

So that takes the trip into a whole other stratosphere which I haven't really broken down yet. I'm really happy to have this opportunity to spend quality time in my father's comfort zone, talk with him, have dinner with a piece of me (siblings whom I don't know too well), and even learn the hustle from my father. We are building a relationship and I am most excited about facing some of the emptiness that (he and) I may have felt and moving THROUGH that. I appreciate all of them opening their home and extending their hearts to me. Everything in due time, in HIS time...

It's a calm, quiet morning in California. I'm so Eastern Standard Timed out it's not even funny. I meet with the Bythewoods for lunch this afternoon. Still trippin out that they have carved out that time. I vow to always make time for those up and comers who email and call me...cause Lord knows I'm getting at these folks, and it's amazing to be heard!

*workloveplay in progress*

Please check out the upgraded www.jazzidreamer.net and tell me what you think.

Love and hugs from the left coast!

XOXO,
Kristen Victoria

The 'Do For Love' Chronicles of Kris - 06/17/09

2009-06-17T09:43:00.000-07:00

I was just scrolling around my favorite gossip site, www.theybf.com, and stumbled upon this quote from Common:

"One of the most extreme things I’ve done is be extremely in love,” says the actor-rapper, 37, who stars in Terminator Salvation. “It was just the whole lifestyle I chose; I sat down and helped plant a garden with her! That went a little too far for me. But I was trying to be in a balanced relationship and do some of the things that she would enjoy, too. Then afterward you think, ‘Dang – did I do all that?'"

Have YOU ever looked back and thought, "What the hell was I thinking?"

If you'd like to comment, email me at kristen@jazzidreamer.net.

I'll probably write more on this topic later...

The 'Beyonce Factor' Chronicles of Kris - 06/17/09

2009-06-17T07:07:00.000-07:00

I'm starting to think all this "I am Sasha Fierce, hear me roar" is having an adverse effect on fans, stans, and everything outside of & in between. For those of you who do not know, I looove Beyonce and I have from the moment "No No No" dropped with the original Destiny's Chil'en. My best friend was a hater for years and somehow MusicWorld/Columbia's marketing plan went out to snatch the haters, and they caught Sabreen right in the heart. (Now she's a bigger stan than me!)

We love her because she's fearless, she's bad, and she just can't do any wrong. But I despise her for these same reasons. When's the last time we saw homegirl in sneakers? Does she work out in heels? Or is paparazzi not allowed around when she's got on S dots... I mean come on! Pick your nose or show a hair track, hell laugh and snort for a second...do something! So far the most natural Beyonce moment of the year has been performing for the Obamas. I was hoping she'd ball right on camera but damn it, she still ONLY got a little choked up. I wanna see some human emotion and spontaneity now Beyonce, NOW!

She used to do these things during Destiny's Child '99 (before they got all pop on us). She couldn't help but OBVIOUSLY be the frontrunner, bossing - AHEM, I mean motivating - people around with her country accent. But now she is slim, prim and proper and leaving the "snap in a Z formation" attitude at home.

I am, however, not surprised that Beyonce is as successful as she is. The machine started 20 years ago and excellence takes practice, sacrifice, and determination. I love Bee for that...she stops at nothing...again and again and again. And when she breaks down one wall, she builds 10 more she's gotta climb. So in no way am I dismissing Beyonce's work ethic, hunger, or drive.

Wait...you thought Kelly and Michelle's stage falls were bad and then WHAM...POP....BOOM... of course, Beyonce even falls and bounces back up like a superstar!

I can't front...I love this girl!

The "Ain't That a Blip" Chronicles of Kris - 06/17/09

2009-06-17T06:43:00.000-07:00

Good Morning!
Since I wrote two "limited edition" Chroniclers exclusively for my subscribers and mailing list, I figured I'd jump on here and present one exclusively for you all. Don’t get upset…I only did that because I was sharing some information and telling business that wasn’t completely my own. I was just a witness to the madness that ultimately inspired me to get my game up. HOWEVER, if you’d like to read it for yourself, by yourself…email me at kristen@jazzidreamer.net. You know I’m more than willing to share! Onto the next…

(1) Is anyone surprised that Usher is divorcing Tameka after just two years od marriage? Are you guys actually wasting your breath gasping at the fact that they were separated a year before the split? I, for one, am happy that Usher is stretching out because it takes a lot to admit you’re unsatisfied, and good lord woman, give me my damn swagger!!! I’ve loved Usher all my adolescent and young adult life but goodness gracious if his swagger didn’t shrivel up like a prune after jumping the broom, I don’t know WHAT did! So far none of our other pop stars have experienced that same backlash but whoa boy, Usher got drenched with the “old man” syndrome. He started losing weight and he just wasn’t up to par…and then he kept on with the same silly tour routine that I’ve seen for years. SOO with that said USH, I’m glad you’re snatching your swagger back. Too bad you can’t say the same for your money. I just wanna know how the real Mrs. Raymond feels AKA Momma…oh yes, and Chilli! That’s another thing – why are the “stand by your man/all I wanna do is love you” women always the ones pushed to the side? I have yet to figure that out…whomp whomp!

(2) I’m excited to see Philly Phil Jackson win his 10th ring…but are we all too busy hating on Kobe to celebrate? Why do people hate Kobe so much? I’ve liked him since he took Brandy to the prom! I thought they were gonna get married but that’s ions ago. The only thing I can’t stand is how a stage manager probably cues Kobe’s wife and girls in after every game. If that’s not fake, I don’t know what is. The girls are cute but I wonder which one’s gonna write a tell-all book. The big one or the little one?

(3) Where the hell did Drake come from? I think this same question every time I pop in one of his mixtapes? I’m SOOOOO late!

(4) Tupac would have been 38 yesterday. I miss him and Aaliyah terribly...

(5) I wish Joe Jackson could’ve spared the rod and spoiled the child just a little bit. Every time I hear something freaky or funny about Michael, I just cringe. I really wanted to be his PYT in the 80s…but I was born 10 years too freakin late!!!!

(6) Thought of the Day: Be ready so you don’t have to get ready!

(7) If you’re in the NYC area tonight, come check Lance Drummonds at SOB’s Sol Village. The show starts at 8pm, and it’s $7 on the guest list. Email me at kristen@jazzidreamer.net to put your name on the list. You down?

Make it a great day!

The 'I'm Legitimately on YouTube' Chronicles of Kris - 06/09/09

2009-06-13T04:15:00.000-07:00

Good Afternoon! At this point, I'm having epiphanies left and right, all day long. I gotta be more, do more, expect more, claim more...no, shout more. The world is mine to create, end of story. No excuses. This'll be quick cause I still have way more to accomplish today.

I've been spending hours on this thing called Twitter in order to attract new and more reputable clientele. So a few minutes ago, I googled everything Kristen Carter and happened to find a profile from NFTE (National Foundation for Teaching Entrepreneurship) that was shot in November 2008. I had no idea this was anywhere in cyberspace. I hope you enjoy.

A DAY IN THE LIFE OF A NFTE GRADUATE:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MR2cLKpKXJQ

(Also, there's a part where I am describing my "mothers." The editor must have cut off my long explanation at the great lengths my mother has gone so her descriptions ends with her not having completed school. That's completely an error - my mother has since gone on to finish her bachelors and working on her master's as we speak. YAAAAY)

Have a wonderful day,
Kris

The 'Golden Girls' Chronicles of Kris - 06/06/09

2009-06-06T10:43:00.000-07:00

I used to hate girls. I thought they were just good for stealing your man, and then laughing in your face. I know, I know...a bit dramatic but very true. Throughout my adolescence, I had my fair share of girl groups. All of the cliques started off like sisterhood societies - sleepovers, secret handshakes, loud negroidian chants, and complete with official names and symbols! But of course as kids change, arguments fly, and hormones rage, those relationships fizzled out faster than...yes, faster than that!

By the time I was 20, I decided "to hell with female friends." There were a few cool people that I remained friends with through the years but for the most part, I was pretty ashamed of my gender's catiness and disloyalty. I didn't understand why most of my friend's friendships ended because of dudes that are oh so fine in high school but will dry up by the time we graduate from college. Yes, this does happen alot! So I started collecting male friends. Typically, I like(d) being the only female in a group of dudes because they're generally pretty simple and easy to get along with. I don't mean simple like dunce simple. I just mean pretty basic in cutting to the chase in regards to feelings, situations, etc. (I'm not sure how basic they are now that I'm a few years wiser but I digress...)

I despised girl groups so much that I avoided them and made fun of them. (I know - real mature, Kris!) Even if the people were cool, I'd always sorta tilt my face to the side and say, "There's at least one shady BI in this group...now who is she?!?" But then a strange phenomenon started to occur - as my friend circle started to grow post-college, I not only gained more male friends but I just started meeting really cool people in general. Men and women just not about the okie-doke, just wanting to have fun and be folks. Now, as I think about it in retrospect, I became way more open to sharing who I am as opposed to being on guard that someone's gonna hurt my feelings or as I said earlier, take my man and run...LOL

A few days ago I bumped into a family member of one of my former friends. For some reason, she still hasn't gotten over the fact that her niece and I are not friends. But I guess I can understand...leaving a friend behind is like breaking up with the whole family. No, it is breaking up with the whole family so when anyone sees you, they just give you this kinda pouty look like, "Awww, why didn't you make it work? I'm still mad you aren't friends." In previous years, I'd always respond, "Well, tough!" (lol) but there's no need to be that way anymore. People truly come into your life for a reason, season, or a lifetime and if they are meant to stay or make their way back full circle, they will.

The closer I have become to my friends and cousins, the more I recognize just how important it is to have brotherly and sisterly bonds. Specifically, to be able to vent and have sisters give you insight on more mature and womanly situation. Ha. Seriously! So, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU to all the women who have allowed me to burn their ears recently. I believe you know who you are! Thank you for being sisters to me.

Guys, you know I got you on Men's Day...I seem to have something long winded to say every time that holiday comes around. :)

Love ya'll,
Kris

The “My Time Soon Come” Chronicles of Kris – 06/06/09

2009-06-06T10:32:00.001-07:00

Happy Saturday everyone!
It's about time us East Coasters got some sun! I'm pretty tired of keeping my hair wrapped for fear that it'll go POOF. Well actually it already did go every which a way, so I'm waiting for some good weather before I whip out my wallet again to recover the 'do.

Brethen, it has been a good gosh darn week. Mostly because I am inching out of my own way. And I don't mean just saying "it is what it is" and 86'ing a situation, but really clearing my thoughts and allowing breathing room for whatever emotions may surface. Some of you may know I had this "kinda sorta" relationship going...hmm, you know what that means - not a commitment in Eastern Standard Time but a commitment nonetheless in Kristen's world. And of course, Kristen's world reigns supreme so it was indeed a special friendship.

Don't you hate those? Those "I thought this was...but it ain't...awww geez, what was I thinking" or even those "if this person would just act right" situations?! Maybe some of you are through with that stage but it took me a minute to seriously snap out of it. I thought that maybe I was asking too much of the person/situation or I was prematurely confessing - no whispering - strong feelings to myself but NO, I am not and was not crazy!

I did all this soul searching just for me to hit MYSELF in the face and say, 'Kris, there's nothing wrong with you. There's nothing wrong with wanting to explore love BUT if that person is not there with you, he just isn't.' Regardless of what I may feel or see, there's nothing I can do because two people see through different sets of lenses. And I can jump, wave, kick, scream, and even cheer someone on but if they don't see it or if they aren't willing to step over personal hurdles, than it's time to go back to focusing on my own course. That doesn't mean that progression will never happen, but just not when I was trying to make it happen and certainly not before worrying about self! I've learned so much, mainly that (my) love is honest and pure, and it isn't here to be timid and meek. Love and greatness are bold and even when you try to dim that light or pull it back, you can't. Cause love is the most powerful energy ever.

So cycling through my emotions has been a really fulfilling process. Meanwhile, I've been feeling through various career opportunities. One thing I've continually expressed is our need to be SPECIFIC in our prayers cause the things we ask for do come...trust! But if you say "I want a burger" and you get cheeseburger with onions and mustard, you can't really be mad cause you didn't specifically ask for a Bacon Cheeseburger with ketchup, lettuce and tomato. So yes, oppportunities have been coming but then I have to step back and redefine (over and over) what it is I truly want. I really want some paid speaking engagements on career development so if you know of any resources I need to tap into, please give me a ring!

I could seriously go on forever cause I'm still typing away in my bed but I'm gonna get on up and out into the world. We make this whole life thing harder than it needs to be, but self discovery and remembering the greatness we came here with is always tricky. And all of us have a different mountain to climb but hopefully we'll all reach the top and hold hands in harmony. LOL

It's been real good people!

News Briefs:
1) I am slowly developing a love/hate relationship for Beyonce because she's not giving us room to keep up! I'm teeter-tottering about purchasing "I Am...Sasha Fierce" tickets because quite frankly, I'm not really THAT thrilled about seeing her on the stage. I wanna see myself on the stage shaking my bum and making millions on end. But, I have another road to travel... :)

I am THIS CLOSE to writing a Chronicles entry about Ms Beyonce Giselle Knowles-Carter...and it's just sad how much of a STAN I am...hmph! Until next time...

Creative Mega Bubbles & Sunny Days,
Kristen Victoria

The 'When the Dust Settles' Chronicles of Kris - 05/26/09

2009-05-26T08:29:00.001-07:00

Good Morning Family,
It feels sooo good to be back home in New Jersey! Normally, I am not this excited to return to Brick City but I got my fill of Newton, Georgia to last me for a good minute. The family reunion was a success, despite the torrential downpours that lasted ALL damn weekend! I was a little disappointed because I'm sure it detered people from driving on the muddy dirty roads but as the ol' folks continue to say - "It's gon' be what it's gon' be!"

On the "big day," my family and I got the opportunity to tour the family land that was owned by my great-great-great grandfather. The current owners, an elderly Caucasian couple, took us around the acres to see the old outhouse and cabin that are still standing, along with the bricks that enclosed the old family house. It was truly a breathtaking experience to walk along the land that my ancestors tilled and plowed. I could not imagine escaping slavery, sharecropping, working to purchase 250 acres, and then raising 13 children on top of that. Wow weee, we don't know the half when it comes to sacrifice.

A few of my older cousins hadn't been on that land since they were 5 years old, and they were reminded of their childhood experiences once they saw two specific trees. Sometimes it can be just a sweet smell that centers us, quiets our thoughts, or brings us back to where we originated. And when you drive down those dirtroads, the tires kick up dust and for a moment you can't see behind you but once nature's calmed back down, everything is exactly as you left it.

During the preparation for the reunion, I had several epiphanies. One was that I need to turn more of my self-analyzations into actions so I spent alot of time revamping my dream sheet for the 2nd half of the year. But the major one was that when loved ones are really truly there for you, you could be going through a whirlwind of emotions and situations but when everything comes back down, the 'tried and true" ones are ALWAYS standing when it's all said and done.

I was originally supposed to fly back home on May 30th but because of some personal plans going bust, I decided to "take the L" and come on back with my mom and uncle. I must have thought I was gonna be whisked away to a tropical island or something because Lord knows I brought ALL my summer clothes and shoes. But thankfully, my mom didn't rub it in, none of my friends made me feel stupid for hoping that this situation would work out and you don't know how grateful I am for that! I'm not all boo-hooing and carrying on like I was two months ago. But we all Learn and Listen in due time. And if it's meant to be it will be, but if not it's ok. So there's no loss involved.

And on that note ladies & gents, it's time to shake it around so I'll talk to you all soon!

XOXO,
Kristen Victoria

The 'Good Stock' Chronicles of Kris - 05/26/09

2009-05-26T08:25:00.000-07:00

Hey All,
I tried to send this while I was 'down home' but I couldn't get good service on my phone. Enjoy!
***

Welcome to Baker County, home of Newton, Georgia, where my great-great-great grandfather settled after escaping slavery, where my great-great grandmother learned to read, quilt, and fish, where my great-uncle raised chickens and healed sick animals, and where my entire family still comes to walk the old dirt roads and taste the love cooked by my great-grandmother, affectionately known as 'Aunt Nan' and 'Mom.' There's absolutely nothing like R&R that you get when traveling home...There's a good 36 hours til the card playing and egg nog drinking begins at my Family Reunion and I can't wait! My grandmother has done a phenomenal job orchestrating EVERYTHING - I did the initial planning but she's the one making it all happen.

As the time winds down, I'm reminded of the 'stock' that I have come from and why I am who I am. Why I love to write, play games, get folks together, and why I still feel like the baby - it just makes all the sense in the world.

My great-grandmother and her best friend Sallie Mae have been close for almost 80 years. I surprised her the other day at the market because we noticed her car in front of Dollar General. The town is so small and Aunt Sallie Mae is so well-respected that when she goes out to the post office or the market, she gives an employee a list of what she needs and they take care of it for her. When my grandmother and I walked up on Aunt Sallie Mae, she instantaneously brought up the same beloved story we run through every time I see her...

When I was around 6 years old, Aunt Sallie Mae watched me while my great-grandmother went on a fishing trip. I wanted to play outside or walk down the road to the mailbox but I pouted when she told me 'no.' So I sat around coloring or doing something else that bored me half to death and then she asked me to pour her a glass of water. And I did...and then I did again...and then I did again! Around the 3rd or 4th time she asked me to get up, I turned around and said, 'You must be on a water diet.' She died laughing.Now that I am older, that's a going joke because she knew that was my 'polite' indicator of saying 'No, I really don't want to get your water' OR 'If I go again, I'm bringing the whole pitcher.' So now when I see her, she tells me automatically, 'Baby, go get me some water' or I'll ask if she wants some and she chuckles.

There's also a similar story of my great-aunt babysitting me at 1.5 years old and demanding I go to bed and not wait up for my great-grandmother. When I peeked out of my bedroom a 2nd or 3rd time, she threatened to get a switch and I glared at her and walked back to my bed. But when Mom came home, I crawled out of bed and to the living room and started to 'tell Mom all about what happened' in my jibber-jabber language. And my great-aunt said, "Well shoot, I am so glad I didn't hit that baby cause she would have never forgiven me the way she's going off. That child is independent." My Aunt Mabel shared that story with me about three weeks before she passed last Memorial Day weekend.

I wish more kids and even people my age had these kinds of experiences with elder loved ones. It just makes everything so much more meaningful. I feel Granny (my great-great grandmother) is my guardian angel because sometimes I just get myself in a real pickle, and then all of a sudden I've escaped it and learned my lesson without seriously busting my behind and getting the real hardcore lesson! And right after I've somehow avoided the fire, I'm always yelling out, "Thank you!!!" cause it could have been a different way.

I'm excited to see everyone and share in the love and laughter that was created in Newton.

Have a wonderful holiday weekend!

Love
Kris

The "World Outside My Window" Chronicles of Kris - 05/15/09

2009-05-15T09:47:00.000-07:00

I tend not to comment on the crazy goings on that I read about in the supermarket or on Twitter but I'm itchin' to say something. Here are the top stories to catch my attention:

*Jon and Kate Plus 8 may become -Jon and Kate SEPARATE?*
Did you notice that Kate NEVER looks adoringly at her husband Jon EVER? Lol. Well I probably wouldn't either if I had a permanent Basketball team with subs running, crying, pooping, and shouting all damn day. Do they even have time to think? And furthermore, would they be together naturally if they didn't have to raise a tribe? I bet not!

So, it looks like Jon is sowing his wild oats with drunken nights on the town. Kate publicly addressed this, and said they are working things out privately. That probably means Kate beating him over the head with baby bottles, and telling him he's useless. I mean she does that anyway.

I'm watching the show now...and here she goes, 'Would you just talk to them, Jon?!?'
Are they even friends?

*Girls Gone Wild: Cassie and Rihanna 'flashy' the world*
So by now you've seen or heard about Cassie and Rihanna's nudey pics. This news doesn't shock or upset me in any way - I mean, Cassie doesn't rate in my book at all so I didn't even bother to even find out more about her story BUT Rihanna honey...2009 is just not your year! Remember when she was the sweetie pie Aaliyah (RIP) rip off with Pon De Replay? Then, they took her image up five notches, gave her some Black hair dye, tattoos, and bigger boobs to match and voila! And don't forget a Southern boy to tame. Volia - RIHANNA'S a wild gal!

Aaah, how'd it all fall so fast?

One point of advice - you need a manager like Papa Knowles who's always ready to cut a n#*/@ or a b+@*#, whatever suits the scenario best. That Matthew Knowles (Beyonce's dad) definitely does not play!!! Let a light cue be a second too late - You're toast!

Here's another idea - maybe it's almost time for a tell all book from Robyn Fenty. Shrug

*Obama Swagger?!?*
Do we really need a swag-o-meter for Barack? I just wanna know why TI's Swagger Like Us plays every so often on CNN. Lol.

*CW's The Game*
Does anyone else care like I care. The season finale of CW's The Game is on tonight, ladies and gentlemen!!!! Who's watching? Just thought I'd insert the plug. Cause the creator Mara Brock Akil is a friend in my head. So with that said, good day to all!

I know I'm a geek but I'm gonna say it any way -Follow me @ twitter.com/kristenvcarter & YouTube 'The Chronicles of Kris' for behind the scenes clips of the web series coming this Summer! :)

Love ya'll!

The 'SexyBack' Chronicles of Kris - 05/15/09

2009-05-15T09:44:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I feel bashful within myself, actually more so than sharing the hilarity that is my life. Funny thing happens - I begin to embrace more of my quirkiness when I finally type it out on the Blackberry and hit send. (*MESSAGE: I NEED AN ENDORSEMENT DEAL!) So without further adieu...

Good Morning,Greetings from Atlanta, GA. There's only a week left before the big shindig AKA McAllister-Washington-Phipps Family Reunion. Let's throw our peaches in the air! :)

I came into town a few days early for my cousin's bachelorette party. Being that I had never attended one, I had absolutely no idea what to expect so I invited one other friend/Chronicler to join in the festivities. I knew there'd be a male dancer but even up until I walked up to the door, I thought 'What on Earth do you do at a Bachelorette party?' I arrived about an hour late so my cousin and her guests were already playing a game by the time I walked in. So I came in on, 'I hate being Sexy because...' and then the person had to complete the sentence. Now, I didn't hear the rules properly so instantly, I froze up. Awwwww damn! Do we have to talk about anything with those letters?

Ok, so yes most of us are adults here but I am a self-proclaimed girlwoman, hear me roar! *Sigh* I've been told I am a late bloomer but I think I'm right on time...sometimes. Other days, I'm all nervous, like when I came in and all the women were laughing and giggling. Initially, I thought we had to come up with something we think IS sexy (like kinda naughty actually) so when it was my turn to go up, I just said something that's really completely and utterly untrue...if you ask me personally, I'll just tell ya but for the sake of internet privacy, I'll keep it to myself.

So anyway, my cousin and her friends who knew me were like, 'Is that Kristen?' and I'm thinking, 'Girl, no...I am lying my ass off. I don't know a thing about what I just said.' So because I was fearful of being embarassed (actually more like a deer caught in headlights), I made up something that made me MORE embarassed once I realized I was playing the wrong game! Aaaah well... It happens.

I'm sure no one else cared about my response but I felt kind of red for another 30 minutes. 'Oh my goodness, I just said something that I don't really don't believe.' Well guess what Kristen, it happens. So the night continued on with all these dancing games and male dancing fun...and all I wondered was what my friends and I would look like at a bachelorette party now and then in 7 years cause of course I was the baby of the bunch just dancing and having people think I'm all skilled and everything, when I'm a pretty reserved person until Victoria Fierce is let out of the bag. Sigh.

So it was fun but really, I should have just been myself and answered that first question simply instead of TRYING TOO HARD and feeling like I had to lie and give an extreme line (which actually wasn't even that risque but in my head, it was. LOL). Sometimes - no MOST times - being natural, just as you are without a care, is sexy enough no matter what the setting. So once that mentality truly sinks in in regards to more intimate matters of the heart, body, and soul, I'll be good. What can I say...I'm getting there. I'm a work in progress. And that, my friends, is the truth.

It's been real,
Kris

The "In Search Of" Chronicles of Kris - 05/05/09

2009-05-05T09:41:00.000-07:00

Happy Cinco de Mayo! Hopefully the May Showers will create May Flowers cause I'm ready for some blossoms and heat! Muy Caliente AHORA!! :)

Last week I spoke at two colleges about "life after graduation." I love presenting at schools because I vividly remember being in their seats, raising my hand to ask questions and to connect with said speaker, only to reflect on their answers afterwards and understand that no one has "the answer." And yes, I still inquire, hoping to somehow break the code and get hit upside the head every time with the same conclusion. Our answers lie within...

Many students keep in touch with me but one young lady from last week's sessions really stood out. She approached me after the presentation, very meek and softspoken. I asked her to speak up so that I could hear what she was saying. She explained how much she loves to write but how terrified she is to show her work. As she continued talking, I could see tears forming as she vented about her inability to pursue her passion and share her writing with others. I was very touched by this moment, and asked if I could interrupt her thought for a brief second. I thanked her for first of all, sharing her deepest thoughts and fears with me. I was truly truly humbled to have been selected to hear her...and secondly, I congratulated her for making the first step of vocalizing her desires. No matter how much she shook with fear, she was still standing there and telling her story! Something triggered her to say what she had to say, no matter how softly - SHE SAID IT! I offered my own trials and tribulations briefly, and asked her to stay in touch with me, continue writing, and send along some writing whenever the Spirit moves her. I won't comment on it, I just want her to send something. The act of presenting herself, myself, yourself is really all that matters. The belief that what we have to say means something, and that we have the power to uplift ourselves and others in the process.

Life is funny...because I saw myself in her although I was giving her advice. It's sooo amazing how that happens. It's like one side of yourself talking to the other side of yourself OUTSIDE of yourself. Dog on it, God is great!!! I explained briefly that in ways, I experience the same anxiety but you know who creates that anxiety - we do. And you know who creates the freedom we all seem to long for - we do. I've been reading alot of "Metaphysical" books lately and understanding how important it is to hone in on what we want. And even if we are not sure, instead of stating "I don't know what I want," flip it and say to yourself "I want to know what I want out of life, out of myself."

So here goes a few of my long list of desires: I want to know my emotional self. I want to be able to trust. I want to know my father. I want to get over past hurts. I want to experience love in all of its forms. I want to be around people who inspire me. I want to honor my creative voice. I want my eye sight to stabilize. (I know that one seems random but it's not. I have progressive myopia and since I'm becoming more specific in my desires, I must state those things I thought I could not control as well.) I have always known that what you think about you bring about, but it goes deeper than that WHEN we are ready. We're catalysts for our own growth because when we think, speak, and act, those circumstances are drawn to us. So within a week (cause this stuff moves FAAASSST), I forced myself to apply to a number of fellowships, I have accepted my father's daily phone calls (a new occurance, yes) and I am working toward clearing out my anger and disappointment, and I ran into a high school "frienemy" that I haven't seen or spoken to in six years. This time last year I wasn't ready to do any of that because my mindset was focused on all the things I could not achieve. "Well I'm over this but...oohhh, if I see her in the street...or you know, I just don't think I'll ever get to know my father...or what if my screenplay's not good enough?"

Where do we learn to doubt ourselves and give negativity power in the first place? We came here with such infinite power, and then we learned to fear greatness. I'm currently reading "Conversations with God" and this passage really struck me the other night -

"Every single free choice you ever undertake arises out of one of the only two possible thoughts there are: a thought of love or a thought of fear. Fear is the energy which contracts, closes down, draws in, runs, hides, hoards, harms. Love is the energy that expands, opens up, sends out, stays, reveals, shares, heals. Fear wraps our bodies in clothing, love allows us to stand naked. Fear clings to and clutches all that we have, love gives all that we have away. Fear holds close, love holds dear. Fear grasps, love lets go. Fear rankles, love soothes, Fear attacks, love amends."

So I have to ask myself - do I have more fear or love in my heart? Do I aspire to more love? Is my heart open enough to love? And will I stop at nothing to love?

Those are the questions, dear friends...life and love is there for us to experience when we are ready. We're just not looking or feeling or thinking freely enough. Hmmm, everyday is an awesome adventure...embrace it!

The Little Engine That Could and Will,
Kristen Victoria

The 'California Dreamin' Chronicles of Kris - 04/28/09

2009-04-28T23:48:00.001-07:00

Hi All,
Greetings from my living room floor! That's right...K. Carter is back in town. I've actually been physically on the East Coast for a week, but I'm just getting back "here." From the airport to the Making the Band office to making sure Diddy gets to the stage (without actually speaking to him EVER) to taping the second installment of The Chronicles of Kris to planning my Family Reunion, it's never ending. But it's Tuesday, a bright, sunny, gorgeous happy last Tuesday of the month. BLLESSSSSINNNGGSS to all. :)

Sometimes you just need a breather and LA definitely was that! I thought I would just be going out there to pitch my work, but I came home with so much more than that. I managed to break down and purchase my first iPod - this is a big accomplishment considering I had no problem running in the park with my UFO (aka my walkman). I got the opportunity to hang out with my father for the first time ever in life. A third and major highlight - I hung out with Damion Hall from Guy! You all know I am the ultimate 90s pheen queen so I was pretty freakin excited about that.

But the ultimate experience was getting in touch with Gina Prince Bythewood (writer of "Love & Basketball"), Reggie Bythewood (writer of "Biker Boys" / "Notorious"), and Yvette Lee Bowser (creator of "Living Single"). I didn't receive their phone calls until the day before I left LA...so there was a twinge of "fear" that I would leave LA having NOT accomplished my goal. Although I managed to speak with a few people in LA, I was praying to hear from the Bythewoods so it was a thrill to not only hear from them but to speak to them pretty much throughout my entire last day on the West Coast.

When Reggie called, he shared his experiences as a writer/producer in the industry. But through our conversations that day, the one thing that stood out to me was, "You say you want a mentor...mentor yourself. Your experiences will lead you and inform you." He offered to keep in touch, provide feedback, and stay in close contact, but he did not offer or claim to know the "right way." No matter where I walk, I am receiving the same messages. "When the student is ready, the teacher will appear." "The questions will answer themselves." And lastly, "THERE IS NO ONE RIGHT WAY."

Previously, I've concentrated so much attention on doing things just so. "If I do this, I can get here. If I think this way, I'll definitely end here. If I CONTROL this, I can get just what I want." And actually, that way of thinking worked for me for a long time. I made "minor" mistakes but nothing too ego-shattering. But with bigger goals comes bigger risks, bigger challenges, bigger mistakes, and bigger life lessons. And no matter where I have turned (especially this particular year), it's all coming back to learning how to open up, allow, and receive the greatness that is here...when I, you, we are ready. For those who are there as I take my baby steps, thank you...even when I fight and scream and yell and holler, you manage to still be there. Thank you.

Love, Live, Laugh! And write back. :)

Kris

The 'Precious Cargo' Chronicles of Kris - 04/15/09

2009-04-28T23:46:00.000-07:00

Rise and Shine Chroniclers,
Clearly I may be one of few just getting up, as most of you are Eastern Standard Timers! But Good early Morning to you anyway! My best friend Sabreen and I made it safely to LA; we touched down yesterday at noon. Anytime I travel, I seem to be a little agitated at first but that's only because I am nervous. I have a paranoia about losing my luggage so I always glare at my suitcase until one of the airport carriers THROWS (argh) my luggage onto the conveyor belt. I watch the bag, prayerfully, just in case it's the last time I see her. LOL But after staring my bag down for about 30 minutes, the carrier whisked my bag away per usual and I relaxed (a bit). Woosah!

When Sabreen and I boarded the flight, we noticed there were lots of kids. I forgot that children's spring break actually comes around the Resurrection observance, but there were little people galore. There were two little girls with matching pigtail hairstyles sitting directly in front of us. They were traveling alone. At first, they seemed very mild-mannered but now that I think of it, they were probably sleepy. When the older one took the baby to the bathroom, she looked us up and down. About 20 minutes later, the baby sister peaked through the crevice of the arm rest. She started dangling her miniature hands over the seat and here I go - "Awwww!" Sabreen quickly rolled her eyes as I lifted my hand to compare our sizes. She kept looking through and laughing, and then the older one finally looked back and said, "Hi!" They played this peak a boo game for a minute, placing things through the crevice to see if we'd take them. And then the older one starts rattling off. "My sister's just showing off."

Tia*, the 8-year old introduced herself, followed by Serena*, who's turning 5 this week. Tia ran down her sibling tree, mentioning that she's the middle child. She showed us a headband she's knitting, as Serena pulled her pigtails and started biting her. Tia kept rambling on but I think the kids were entertaining me more than we were entertaining them. (Is that what happens as you get older? Oooh goodness!) Tia broke out their mini-Chess set and a few toys, and when I got really bored, I asked her if I could borrow her coloring book. Sabreen was in and out of sleep at this point so Tia asked her if she could read one of her magazines. Sabreen passed it up front, and Tia started reading. Maybe an hour later, Sabreen notices the book is back on her lap. She looks down at the cover, and goes, "Oh no, do you think there was anything in there she shouldn't have read. I don't see anything revealing on the cover." I said, "probably." Sabreen poked Tia and asked, "Was there anything inappropriate in there?" Tia turns around quickly, "OOOH YEA. It was inappropriate alright." Tia starts dying laughing, and Sabreen tries to shush her. By the time we started landing, she turns around. "Don't fake an orgasm!" Sabreen's eyes literally pop out of her socket. SSSHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! Tia starts up, "It said something about don't have sex with a teddy bear." She cracks up. As we're getting our stuff together, she lights up. "Sex, sex, sex!" We're waving our hands. NOOOOOOOO! Meanwhile, the little one is steady posing for pictures that we started taking on our camera phone. Tia did quiet down, but when we got to our destination, we rumaged through the magazine and discovered all of the key points in some crazy article that she absorbed, including don't sleep with a teddy bear in your bed.

It's so funny how little kids will just talk and light up. They weren't open books; Tia definitely mentioned that their mother doesn't like them speaking to strangers and we suggested that they hold firmly to that. She looked us up and down - or tried to from her seat - so I figured she checked us out and made sure we weren't weird or anything. Too bad Sabreen and I are old foggies because I really wanted to be pen pals with them but they're way too young to just randomly exchange information. Hey, I felt like 6 hours was bonding time...and that older one was so witty for an 8 year old. I'll probably remember her years from now, as I do most people I interact with (even in a short time span). She asked us when we'd be returning to Newark, and we said, "Oh on Tuesday." She replied, "We're coming back on Tuesday too. Maybe we'll see you!" We walked with them to meet their daddy, and then they pretty much forgot who we were when they saw him. Well no, they did happen to wave at us at baggage claim. I wonder who they'll both grow up to become.

That was definitely the highlight of the flight experience. Hope you guys have a great hump day! :)

Love and Hugs,
Kristen

*Yes, their names have been changed.

The "Fall Back/Spring Forward" Chronicles of Kris - 03/26/09

2009-04-28T23:42:00.000-07:00

Good Evening Beautiful People,
...And just like that, another month has flown by...goodness jimminy ticky tacky! This has been quite the month on this side of town, but before I even get into that - A HUGE THANK YOU to everyone who participated in the pilot taping of The Chronicles of Kris. For those who sent their well wishes via text and prayers, I truly truly thank you. You all are a big part of my journey and I really appreciate the support, love and laughter! We can never get enough of that...cause for those ready for the Chronicles movement (tee hee), oh it's coming!

I have a question. What makes a four year time period so significant? Elementary to middle school, middle to high school, high school to college, college to life...let's not forget presidential terms. This month has required some soul searching on my part and I noticed a pattern. Every third year, I have a major transition. During my third year in high school, it dawned on me that I could compete academically at my boarding school and my grade point average jumped. I started a dance group and did some friend shuffling. During my third year of college, I went through some sort of emotional cleansing...well if you know about fasting or any kind of flushing out, you know the first part HURTS...and hurts like hell. Although I had not been physically harmed at all in college, I just felt attacked. I remember being painfully upset with my father and a group of guys on campus because they wanted to get to "know" me instead of know me...and although they never "knew" me, I was very hurt that they were not interested in being my friend. I was so disturbed that when I came home that summer, I told my mother, "I want to stay in the house because I don't want to meet any new people." Now...you can't NOT meet people. She tried to talk me out of my funk, but that didn't come until I began teaching and fell in love with the kids and life. Since then, I've learned how to deal with people and situations in a way that works for me and leaves me generally comfortable.

But, just as fate would have it...dun dun dun...I'm in that third year of my life post-college. Eeek, oogie, and changing I am doing! And guess what? It hurrrtttssss! Actually, I'm readjusting and finding my nook of comfort in this transformative state I'm in. I just hit this place this week cause I have way too many things going on to sit in a rut. I've had so much to write to you about lately but I've been all over the place mentally/emotionally while in the same place physically. My career is evolving...but I've never really worried about that. I'm not even really afraid of that. It is what it is. But that other kind of growth, that kind of maturity that really matters...oooof! Ok I'll stop making sounds while I'm typing. LOL. I've made a few personal revelations lately about my interactions with the opposite sex. Until recently, I never fully internalized that I steer clear of relationships because subconsciously, I've felt a man's love is conditional, whether that's the love of a mate, friend, or family member - if you piss 'em off, they're gone, no questions asked!...and a woman's love is consistent, no matter what. This stems from being surrounded by strong women and not spending much time with adult men as a youngster (which ties right back into what we were discussing a few weeks ago in regards to relationships). In case you weren't a part of that conversation - Men, we need you! I came to this realization a few weeks ago when I thought I felt my heart crack (not break) when I came to grips with the fact that I was putting commitment emotions on a friendship status. Through careful self-analysis, I've learned that I cannot avoid the trials and tribulations of being vulnerable, being excited about being "more than friends." But sometimes that gets lost in translation...Hell, I've learned I can't escape being a woman and from now on, I don't think I'll ever judge someone else's situations or relationships. Dealing with people is all a part of life and if you (or I) think we can go on remaining in nice little protected huts, forget about it!

So, I'm feeling better. The sun is shining. I'm ready to get my Springtime/Summer jogging routine on and wear some bright colors. Cause life is beautiful and God is wonderful!

Let me just say, in my attempt to meet new people, I made a big mistake and gave my number to someone in the library. Yea, I know...it was February 30th, that day when I go against the grain. The person seemed alright until he smiled at me, I noticed he had two severely chipped teeth. No offense to the enamel impaired but I don't talk to you if you don't have nice teeth. End of story. That's what I get for being all nice. But you know why it took me so long to realize the gum game? I had my glasses on. Dog on it. Now I'm playing hide and don't find me! Have you ever answered your cell phone as if it were a land line - for example, "Hello?"...May I speak to Kristen?..."Oh, Kristen is not available. May I take a message?"...Yes, can you tell her Paul Bunyon called..."Yes, I'll be sure to do that." CLICK. Yep, that's me. Don't call back! LOL

Love live life. Go with your gut. Give things time to grow, breathe, and thrive on their own...and all the joys will be yours.

Kristen Victoria

The "Mixed Messages" Chronicles of Kris - 02/16/09

2009-04-28T23:39:00.000-07:00

Good Morning Ya'll,
Last night I had a conversation with yet another 30-something year old man who has taken a step back from dating. I am meeting alot of "exhausted" good men who are tired of dealing with women. They love 'em but for now, they're leaving 'em alone! Now, there's always been a misunderstanding between the male/female minds, but I think it's safe to say that with the "I'm an independent woman, hear me roar" and the "Man, I'm just gonna do me" attitudes running rampant, no one is trying to deal with the BS anymore. Why is there such a break down between the sexes? And the unsolved mystery - what can we do to get it together?

So let's take a step back. One of my ultimate pet peeves is an adult asking a young person (ages 11-16), "So...do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?" I HATE THAT! It's not cute. From my eyes, inquiries like this indirectly pressure kids to start thinking about the opposite sex. And I truly don't understand what for! Maybe I'm rigid in my thinking but no young person under the age of 19 (and that's still low) needs to even be considering dealing with anyone on a serious level. How are we gonna effectively communicate with someone when we haven't even figured ourselves out?!?

We women are taught very early on to think of marriage and babies. From the moment we come into this world, we receive doll babies, little doll houses, we're holding bottles for our Baby Alive, etc. I was always a Cabbage Patch and Muppets-type kid but for the most part, women receive these kinds of messages throughout our entire lives. I'm not sure what men are thinking about - maybe rough housing, school, sports - but I'm starting to hear that through the messages women get, we're putting undue pressure on our male counterparts before it's time. That kind of pressure can be anything from "gimme a kiss" to "be my prom date" to "I wanna have your baby" to "why won't you marry me." I've seen both men and women lose focus before they even knew what goals and dreams to focus on because they got caught up in relating. Now of course, every situation is different. Again, this is from my perspective.

Fast-forward to now. I am 2? years old. I have liked several people in my day, but haven't dated seriously. I used to think there was something wrong with that but now I see the distinct advantages of that. I know alot of "caught up" folks, and I know a lot of people who feel they wasted their youth trying to "play house" and have an adult relationship. You know that whole "wifey" thing – and by the way, what is "wifey"?!? I'm not knocking love in any way (I love to love!) BUT I am seriously alarmed by the number of people who feel trapped, hopeless in life and the pursuit of their goals cause they're under some man or woman.

So, this is what I'm seeing. Young men and women looking for love in all the wrong places and the wrong ways. Young women want to be "committed" (whatever that word means at 18 – hmph!) while young men are just putting up with it so they can have someone to poke. Either the guys got weasled into a relationship or they are just going with the flow and wind up shrugging their shoulders about it. Of course there are always the folks just looking to poke and move, and even the ones who do establish some kind of friendship but they end up confused and heartbroken.

Then, the gentlemen have already been hurt, so now they really don't give an f and have turned into men just looking to poke. And now, there's this phenomenon of the liberated woman also looking to poke cause they can't be bothered. This leaves us with a whole lot of poking and not a lot of emotional attachment. A lot of whining and complaining to our friends, but no "stick and stay" kind of bonds.

Everyone is exhausted! And it doesn't stop there; it just gets progressively worse! The 30-something single women don't wanna be single. The 30-something single man has taken themselves off the playing field (until they start dating younger). The 20-something year old woman writes off 20-something year old men because those men haven't dealt with their feelings enough to know what they are actually feeling. The 20-something year old man plays the field because there's a 20:1 ratio out here, until he eventually gets tired of that and he wants to actually settle down a bit. But then realizes all the late 20, 30-something single women are itching for marriage and babies and that's too much. And then everyone's giving ultimatums and ending up broken up anyway.

Gosh, doesn't that cycle just suck! Do I even wanna get in that? Where do I fall in the mess? Or will I find myself in a different playing field because I'm observing this before jumping in with my eyes closed? This is a never-ending topic…because we are directly and indirectly affected by societal images. We're internalizing what our family and friends think, we're constantly replaying our own life experiences, and then finally, we may or may not get to the point where we can point out what we may hope or desire…and how we get there.

Dog on it, learning new people is supposed to be fun! I thought loving and learning is/was natural! When did expectations – we're gonna jump from point A to X – become the ultimate kill joy?

So here's what I'm doing cause I'm trying to avoid that ugly rat race. I don't claim that whole "independent woman" nonsense because I think that's a total cop out – if you're about your business, you don't need to scream it, just do it! I'm learning to listen to men. Ladies, do not go to your female friends to get advice on guys. What the hell kinda sense does that make? Go to the source! And lastly, I try to avoid doing things that would cause me to wanna put pressure on myself or the guy. And that's it, I'm done. And even in all this, of course I wanna try new things and be on someone's arm, blah blah, but not with all that other stuff. Jim-mo-ne Pete, who needs that!? Not I!

Love and Hugs,
Kris

The 'Glimpse at Christmas Past, Present, and Future' Chronicles of Kris - 12/23/08

2009-04-28T23:33:00.000-07:00

PAST:
Just like Santa wrote down children's good deeds, he also kept a record of good mommies and daddies. Well of course, MY Mommy was at the top of the list because 'she's a P.T.P'er - Primetime Player. She's awesome with a capital A!' Every year Mommy would ask me for my Christmas list and like clockwork, it would be a mile long. Well one Christmas, I didn't think I was gonna make out so well. If I recall correctly, Mommy may have mentioned that things were a little tight on her end and I understood. We'd broken my piggy bank full of pennies to get food to eat so I imagine I put two and two together about needing money. Because we lived in a studio apartment with my grandmother, we couldn't fit an actual tree in our place so we had a miniature tree on top of our television. I stared at the tree when I went to sleep, praying that Santa received my letters! I was hopeful on Christmas Eve and when I woke up for a split second in the middle of the night, I saw shadows of boxes. But Santa sprinkled more sleepytime dust over my eyes so I fell back into a deep sleep. But when I rose that morning, there were goo gobbs of boxes with my name on it. Most of them said 'From Santa,' and when I woke up, I thought, 'See, I KNEW Mommy and Santa have a pact!! I KNEW IT! I knew he wouldn't let her down.' But how'd he get his big ol stomach through the crevice in our window anyway? (Cause we only had a slight opening in the window.) Aww, I wonder if he morphs shapes or if Mommy strong armed him into our home. To this day, I really don't believe how my Mommy was able to accomplish that. And I won't know how Christmas feels as a parent until I have children of my own. But all year round, she made sure that I never wanted for anything. And I am eternally grateful...

PRESENT:
For all of us Chroniclers in our 20s, I have a secret to share...we are babies in this thing! I always thought 2? was so wise and so mature, but being 2? is like being a kid in grown-up land. Not all the time, but sometimes! I've been experiencing and/or witnessing a few situations with people that have caused me to reflect a lot. These occurances take me back to thoughts of my childhood innocence but also my teenage idealism and insecurities. It took me a few years to understand the meaning of true friendship, the kind that strengthens, uplifts, encourages, and validates. But even with all that mushy stuff, true validation comes with self-acceptance and self-appreciation, and that comes with time, experience, and an open heart. Looking to other people (especially your own age) for acceptance is dangerous; people respond to the kind of energy you put out. So if you face your enemies or even your friends with a helpless nature, they're actually always going to respond to you like you're helpless. Not because they don't care, but simply because they're going through their own identity growth spurts and probably don't have the time or attention to deal with yours. In high school, I depended deeply on the opinions of friends. Since I was away at boarding school, that was the only thing that mattered to me. But the more I leaned on their shoulders, the more I felt they inched over so I could fall. The more I asked my peers 'Am I beautiful, am I this, am I that,' the less attractive I felt in a lot of ways. And because of that, I hated - I mean - HATED females, and it took me years to move passed that. It also took me a long time to get passed not having many adult male role models but that's a Chronicle for another day! I was very closed off for a while but those relationships, or lack there of, truly shaped how I view friendships now. I'm so grateful I experienced that then and not now. Imagine me being a Scrooge now? I know, not cute!

So anyway...I am extremely appreciative of the men and women who have changed my views of people, who have allowed and are allowing me to see the beauty of living. Those who have taken my hand and touched my heart because dog on it, you're awesome with a capital A! Those who have stood in the gaps for someone I thought would be there. Those who show me that without love and laughter, life is meaningless. I could go on and on because my life has truly been blessed through knowing you! Yes, yes you...you're not on the Chronicles for kicks!

FUTURE:
Hmmm, it's all seeming pretty cloudy honestly...which is a GREAT thing! The last time I felt like this was May 06 when I graduated. I didn't know what to expect...I just went with the flow and low and behold, after taking the most cleansing road trip ever with my cousin and best friend, I landed right into my profession/career as a writer. (I was always a writer but didn't consider myself one until someone told me I was one. SMH - lol) Lots of things are bubbling so that only means God's up to something! Now, you know what, that's awesome with a capital A! It could have been another way...Thank you all for being!

Our paths crossed for a reason...Soooooooo thankful for warmth in every sense of the word cause it could be a different way!!!!!!! Now go spread some good cheer!

Kristen Victoria

P.S. Just so you know, I found out Santa and Mommy were the same person when I decided to spend the holidays with another family member. I may have been 11 at the time and when I found out, I broke out into an argument with my cousins about how Santa just doesn't come to their home. It took me a few years to get over that! Actually I'm still a little salty now! :)

The 'Sprite Factor' Chronicles of Kris - 12/22/08

2009-04-28T23:27:00.000-07:00

Good Morning Everyone,
The holidays are officially among us. Christmas feels a little less commercial this year – maybe because I turned off the tv and refused to go to the mall except to SELL back electronics at FYE. But more evidently, this “let’s just be together around the fire” sentiment has a lot to do with the economy falling flat on its behind, just like I did the ONE time I tried to go outside during the snow storm on Friday. Man, you know how you feel things transpire in slow motion as they are happening? Nope, that wasn’t me. Frazier was up and then she was dooown in the worst way! Everything went flying out of my hands EXCEPT for…you guessed it…my Crackberry. Geez…someone hook me up with an endorsement already.

Two Fridays ago I accepted an invitation to go out to dinner with an old friend. To give you some very brief background, it was another one of those “swing and miss” situations – he likes me, I like him, then he doesn’t act like he likes me, I follow suit, then I find out he was confused about his attraction to me, and then I just leave it alone. NEXT. You know how it goes…After catching up for a bit, he started saying some nonsense like, “I’m glad we’re still friends.” Huh? I’m very careful about giving people the privilege of being slapped with the friend title. My reply, “I didn’t know we were friends.” LOL. I wouldn’t constitute our interaction as being friends, as he couldn’t seem to get off the same “what happened, why don’t we talk” conversation. Now that I’m starting to seek understanding in my relationships with guys, I realize a lot more gets lost in translation than one would think. The obvious hints, bread crumbs, all of that does not mean a thing. “Awww, he shoulda known, couldn’t he tell?” WHOMP WHOMP! It’s all about what you say and how you act, not how you feel and what you think those feelings are projecting.

The most important thing that I took away from this exchange was how hard he was trying to convince me of the type of man he is, as he probably didn’t appreciate being pegged as a “poser,” someone who does things for meaningless show. I continually said, “You could easily be the sweetest person; I didn’t experience that side of you, and that’s ok.” I’m sure he was more disappointed with how I perceive him more than anything, and that conversation made me think of several people struggling with the same thing.

IMAGE IS NOTHING!

When you are who you are, people see that! All this “I’m tryin’ to be, I don’t want people to think…” – that’s played! If you did something great or foul, just say, “Yea I did it, and what?!?” No one is perfect. IMAGE IS NOTHING! Stop trying to be and just be. If you’re an asshole, be the best asshole you can be! If you’re a sweetie pie pie, give someone an awful toothache cause that’s who you are – a sweetie pie pie! Or if you can’t figure it out, just move away and start over…that’ll help. LOL

Hmmm, this is also coming from someone whose image pretty much matches who I am – but even with that, it’s taken me a while to be comfortable with all sides of my personality and accept myself for who I am. I have some great qualities and some not-so-great qualities. I’m a team player at times, and a spoiled brat at times. I give effortlessly, but there are still “this is MY world” moments. I listen to most people's views, but I am politically incorrect. But that’s me. Leave it or love it. And I suggest we all do the same thing!

I’m sure the you you are is better than the you you force people to know. Why? Cause it’s effortless, it’s free, it’s fun, it’s uninhibited, and most importantly, it’s human. So take off those masks, it ain’t Halloween. Ok, I’m done. Onto another thought.

Three years ago I wrote down the top 8 philosophies I live by and they still apply. Hope you enjoy :)

*Our lives are really only just beginning. So in honor of this accomplishment, I've compiled the top eight things I've learned thus far in life:

8- Don't sweat the small stuff. You'll notice no one else is getting all bent out of shape but you. So breathe easy and realize it's just not that serious.
7- If drama is simply unavoidable, keep your head up, eyes open and mouth shut and retreat back to your camp. You can't control those around you but you can control how you react.
6- In relationships, don't assume a position you don't have.
5- Emotions override labels.
4- God gives us goals & dreams so that we can birth these visions into reality.
3- In order to remain happy, you must be protective of your personal space. MEANING USE LESS OF YOUR TIME WITH USELESS PEOPLE.
2- Don't become upset because other people lack the gift that God specifically gave to you.
1- There is great strength in vulnerability.

And in honor of Michael Jackson, who I heard was very ill – let’s hold a candle in the air for him -here’s one of my favorite MJ quotes:“When I think of courage, I think of the Cowardly Lion in The Wizard of Oz. He was always running away from danger. He often cried and shook with fear. But he was also sharing his real feelings with those he loved, even though he didn’t always like those feelings. That takes real courage, the courage to be intimate. Expressing your feelings is not the same as falling apart in front of someone else- it’s being accepting and true to your heart, whatever it may say. When you have the courage to be intimate, you know who you are, and you’re willing to let others see that. It’s scary, because you feel so vulnerable, so open to rejection. But without self-acceptance, the other kind of courage, the kind heroes show in movies, seems hollow. In spite of the risks, the courage to be honest and intimate opens the way to self-discovery. It offers what we all want, the promise of love. –Michael Jackson

XOXO,
Kristen Victoria

The '90s Babies' Chronicles of Kris - 12/08/08

2009-04-28T23:23:00.000-07:00

There's a new phenomenon around town and it's here to stay. Last night I was flipping through the cable stations and I stopped on a public access channel. What did I see? Children with slicked down sideburns, multi-colored hair tracks, and sweat glistened foreheads all cheesing as the camera zoomed by. And the dj yelled, '90s babies, make some muthalovin noise!' My palm hit my mouth. What the hell? 90s? 90s?!? What does he mean by that? These kids are...COMING OF AGE!

90s babies can actually party at teen clubs. And better yet, folks born in 1990 are now 18 years old which means they can actually hit certain venues. Oh man. That means one thing - I am getting old! And crack monkey music is gonna win over more clubs now than ever. In 2011, will I have to REQUEST BBD's Poison as opposed to just expecting it to come on at every flippin party? Worse (not better yet), just think about this - what is the 90s kids equivalent to Poison? Aww man that's a sad question to even consider answering. I assume it's a Jay-Z song...I guess it wouldn't be so bad if it's Jay-Z. Hmmm...I'm just sayin! That snap craze caught hold of them and that goodness awful Soulja Boy. Was that a movement? Would we consider that a bonafide dance to remember years from now. Unfortunately...I'd have to say yes...especially when you've got old people, random celebs, and people in the state of Kentucky doing the Yuuuuhh! My thought - ugggggh!I feel sorry for 90s babies. They'll never know good music. They've been trained to like filth...hot garbage! They'll never know they deserve more...oh their precious ears. Lol.

But is that how 70s babies feel about 80s babies music? Cause I am literally obsessed with 80s babies music and no one can tell me nothin! Troop, Hi-Five, Potrait, After 7, Keith Washington, Ill Al Scratch, Shanice, the Uptown movement - all day er'day! I am trapped in the last era of decent music. So we've got a few more years of partying before the 90s babies really trespass but I know one thing - their awful tunes aren't gonna run me outta the club...without a dance fight! You think the Kid N Play mixed with the MC Hammer can sweep them off the floor?!? We'll find out soon enough...

Rehearsing my 8 count that'll put these kids to shame,
Kris

The 'No Time for Backtracking' Chronicles of Kris - 12/06/08

2009-04-28T23:21:00.000-07:00

Hey Everyone,
I'm just sitting down from an early Saturday morning of cleaning. It's been a very slow, interesting week. And if one thing is true it's this - Idle time makes for idle minds and we can't let that happen...ahem, I can't afford for that to happen! The cold weather and uneasy societal times start to make me consider really silly things - like accepting calls I shouldn't and actually toying with the idea of allowing old team members back onto the court, allowing myself to watch goo-gobs of tv, and also letting myself starve to death because I'm too lazy to hit the Pathmark that's actually a block away. (I'm heading to the grocery store shortly...I promise!) But alas, I break out my "HELL NO" sword and start chopping these ideas down. I've had a great, progressive year...bad ideas, get thee behind me! LOL

These past few days droaned on because Uncle Sam (where'd we get the name Uncle Sam anyway) has caught hold of the television industry too. Maybe this was naive of me, but I definitely didn't think this whole economic fallout would affect networks THAT much, including my dear old Viacom, because television is produced every day. But now that I think of it, they are basically "skinning the excess fat" and making cuts to the alternative channels and online components. Ho hum...and right after a holiday and into another...it's a conspiracy!

Thursday morning I woke up and ripped open all of my bills. Mortgage, PSEG, ATT, Cablevision, Water. I charted every single expense per usual but this time around, I think I did a variation of the old Southern church lady's Hallelujah dance. I ran to my mailbox, thanking God for the ability to pay my bills. I do this usually but probably without all the extra zest! It's time to be el cheapo/la cheapa in this piece but I am happy that through it all, my Chroniclers remain positive and focused! Cheers to you all. I've spoken to a few of you about "uping the ante" and hustling even harder than we already do. These times call for CREATIVE measures - i.e. stepping past our entrepreneurial fears and brainstorming ways of continuing to create positive contacts/relationships, and thinking of alternate ways of creating income. Now this will take extra time and energy on our parts but what's a little elbow grease gonna hurt? ESPECIALLY during this season when we already want to hibernate at 4pm because it's dark outside. Don't you hate that?

So after one pretty lazy week filled with moments of worry and anticipation, I'm standing up on my bed and putting on my cape! "IT'S TIME TO MAKE SOME DOLLARS AND JAZZIDREAMER IT OUT!" Let's bust down some doors instead of closing ourselves off behind them. This is the time we need to come out full force...cause the battle's just begun!

Autobots Roll Out,
Kristen Victoria

The "What's the Hold Up" Chronicles of Kris - 11/18/08

2009-04-28T23:17:00.000-07:00

The winter coat, hat, and gloves have resurfaced. I hustled to work this morning, and ducked around the office corridors. Oooh, goody! It's 9:25 and no one's here. I whipped out 500 pages of bright peach paper from my bag to begin my family reunion photocopies. Do you get written up for making bulk copies at an organization? Muahaha, Kris won't find out because I'm here before anyone else, all by my lonesome! I rub my hands together and giggle with glee as I see the reunion emblem on each page and then HALT! What happened? Another young lady walks into the printing booth. "I'm trying to print something." I start stammering, "Uh well...it might be a while." She sits down next to the printer. Oh no, am I gonna get written up for making personal photocopies? I quickly take the 100 sheets I have printed and move into another copy area. 50 copies later, she shows up again. "Oh, the other printer wasn't working so I figured I'd try this one." I tell her swiftly to come back in five minutes. But because I felt guilty, I stopped my printing half way through.

Ok, so maybe I'll have to print 10 pages at a time throughout the day to not look suspicious. But as soon as I got a chance, I didn't make 10 - I made 40. Then HALT! A big red light flashes on the copy beast. There's a paper jam. The copier asks me to open one door, then another door, and then oh my goodness, the whole copier is wide open. There are peach pages flying out of the crevices of the copier. Oh gosh, now I'm really caught. I snatch the pages out and start closing the doors, but there's this big lever that won't cooperate. I refuse to run away. I'm not the peach paper copy thief! I drop the papers, and then wipe my brow and finally slam the door shut. I don't run but I look around and walk quietly back into my office.

So now, I'm gonna have to try another freakin copy monster cause I'm getting these family reunion envelopes stuffed today! I could have just waited to print until the end of the day but I want my peach printed pages now! Now I say!!!

I'm really excited, can't you tell? I'm excited because in seven days, I'll be a whopping 2-?. Oh lawd! And in ten days, the roof's gonna fly off of Taj Lounge just like it did in House Party cause we're bringing back (what I consider) the classics!!! Come one and come all, don't be wack and stand on the wall. Time to shake off all that turkey and stuffing you gobbled down! Hope you're having a fantasic week!!! Hugs and kisses all around.

XOXO,
Kris

The 'Big Momma's House' Chronicles of Kris - 11/17/08

2009-04-28T23:14:00.000-07:00

Last Friday my best friend and I went out to JE's Restaurant, a popular soul food spot in the heart of Newark, NJ. I've developed a bit of a routine, spotting the same people or arriving during the shift of a nice old lady. Her purple-silvery hair shimmers everytime she says,'Good Morning.' But this day was a little different. A new lady was waiting on us. Well not new around those parts but new for me. She had to be 6 foot 5 and pretty sizable, like football player sizable. She put her hand on her hip while writing down our orders but she seemed fairly calm, and brought our meals quickly.

When our food came out, my buscuits weren't hot so I asked her for buscuits 'right out of the oven.' Well, you would have thought I cursed her grandkids. Her lip turned up, she sighed...Fe Fi Fo Fum! This woman storms off. Sabreen says, 'Uh huh, she's gonna spit in your food. I reply, 'I only asked for ONE thing! I wasn't being unreasonable.' Sabreen retorts,'...yet.' Ok, so maybe I do make a few requests when I am dining but Iam not that bad. I wasn't rude when I asked! She proceeded to slam two hot biscuits on my table. And instead of feeling satisfied with my meal, I felt I had been reprimanded. Sabreen continues, 'That was table talk for f you!' LOL, yes clearly!

That football player lady and I have two things in common. We don't like running back and forth (although I was hardly requesting for her to do as such). I really hand it to the good waiters and waitresses at my favorite diner Top's Diner because those folks hustle! I don't think I have the temperment for waiting...and if I did ever wait, I'd give you two requests and after that, you're gonna have to stop, think, and write 'em all down on a napkin and wave it in the air so that I can bring everything in one fell swoop. Got it?

So yeah, that lady scared the crap outta me...and her voice got deeper! Aaah. I'm not sure if she thinks she runs the joint but she'll see me again ordering Fish and Grits. Hopefully I won't have to box her ears, or hopefully she won't box mine! I know one thing, I'll have to request my lady with the purple-silvery shimmers.

XO
Kris

The "Open Letter to Obama" Chronicles of Kris - 11/05/08

2009-04-28T23:13:00.001-07:00

Please read this when you get a moment!

Red, Black, Green, White, Blue...we'll color us a rainbow,
Kristen Victoria

***
Nov. 5, 2008

Dear Brother Obama,
You have no idea, really, of how profound this moment is for us. Us being the black people of the Southern United States. You think you know, because you are thoughtful, and you have studied our history. But seeing you deliver the torch so many others before you carried, year after year, decade after decade, century after century, only to be struck down before igniting the flame of justice and of law, is almost more than the heart can bear. And yet, this observation is not intended to burden you, for you are of a different time, and, indeed, because of all the relay runners before you, North America is a different place. It is really only to say: Well done. We knew, through all the generations, that you were with us, in us, the best of the spirit of Africa and of the Americas. Knowing this, that you would actually appear, someday, was part of our strength. Seeing you take your rightful place, based solely on your wisdom, stamina and character, is a balm for the weary warriors of hope, previously only sung about.

I would advise you to remember that you did not create the disaster that the world is experiencing, and you alone are not responsible for bringing the world back to balance. A primary responsibility that you do have, however, is to cultivate happiness in your own life. To make a schedule that permits sufficient time of rest and play with your gorgeous wife and lovely daughters. And so on. One gathers that your family is large. We are used to seeing men in the White House soon become juiceless and as white-haired as the building; we notice their wives and children looking strained and stressed. They soon have smiles so lacking in joy that they remind us of scissors. This is no way to lead. Nor does your family deserve this fate. One way of thinking about all this is: It is so bad now that there is no excuse not to relax. From your happy, relaxed state, you can model real success, which is all that so many people in the world really want. They may buy endless cars and houses and furs and gobble up all the attention and space they can manage, or barely manage, but this is because it is not yet clear to them that success is truly an inside job. That it is within the reach of almost everyone.

I would further advise you not to take on other people's enemies. Most damage that others do to us is out of fear, humiliation and pain. Those feelings occur in all of us, not just in those of us who profess a certain religious or racial devotion. We must learn actually not to have enemies, but only confused adversaries who are ourselves in disguise. It is understood by all that you are commander in chief of the United States and are sworn to protect our beloved country; this we understand, completely. However, as my mother used to say, quoting a Bible with which I often fought, "hate the sin, but love the sinner." There must be no more crushing of whole communities, no more torture, no more dehumanizing as a means of ruling a people's spirit. This has already happened to people of color, poor people, women, children. We see where this leads, where it has led.

A good model of how to "work with the enemy" internally is presented by the Dalai Lama, in his endless caretaking of his soul as he confronts the Chinese government that invaded Tibet. Because, finally, it is the soul that must be preserved, if one is to remain a credible leader. All else might be lost; but when the soul dies, the connection to earth, to peoples, to animals, to rivers, to mountain ranges, purple and majestic, also dies. And your smile, with which we watch you do gracious battle with unjust characterizations, distortions and lies, is that expression of healthy self-worth, spirit and soul, that, kept happy and free and relaxed, can find an answering smile in all of us, lighting our way, and brightening the world.We are the ones we have been waiting for.

In Peace and Joy,
Alice Walker

The “Pie in the Sky” Chronicles of Kris – 10/20/08

2009-04-28T23:10:00.000-07:00

Did we know those closest to us in another life? I’ve always envisioned playing Kickball with my best friend, and then saying “See You Later” when it’s time to go to our selected parents. LOL I’ve had that same thought since I was about six, and I guess I’ll never really know…but I do think we’re all linked before being connected in the flesh.

My best friend’s name is Sabreen. Her name means patience. One thing’s for sure. I am not Sabreen. LOL I am one of the most impatient people you will ever meet. That’s gonna get me in trouble, and I am trying to be more Sabreen (patient) but I’m not sure if that’s in my chemical makeup. There’ve been plenty of times when I’ve thought, “I should have been slapped for that comment.” But I just can’t help myself! I can’t force myself to be patient. I guess that’s why she’s in my life – to add more thought bubbles before I crash and burn.

She’s the one who will literally pull me by that coat tails and say, “Ok, do you think that’s a smooth move? Do you REALLY think you should say that?” And I’ll be yelling, “YEA!” and she’ll say, “Um no, get back here!” Or she might just say, “Go for the Gusto!” and no matter what the decision, she’s either be cheering me on or there to be a listening ear instead of hastily saying, “I told you so!”

In that way, I admire Sabreen. I do analyze before making a move but more often than not, my decisions come from a combination of my heart and mind. Dog on it, I wish I could be more patient. Perfect example – my 8th birthday at Sports Park. All of my pee-wee friends and I were golfing and Sabreen was ever so strategically trying to carefully swing her club so that her ball would go in the hole. What did I do? I was just swinging that bad boy all around until eventually, I drug the ball with my club and got the sucker in the hole. LOL Our personality traits lend for different results in the smallest and most important decisions of our lives.

I would be willing to bet while we were eating pie in the sky, Sabreen learned how to deal with all types of people just from observing, while I was too busy playing Kickball and eating our dog on pie to notice anyone else was around. LOL Geez… I’ll learn to have patience one day…probably not today!

Still learning the dance to Beyonce’s Single Ladies video,
Kris

The 'Stretch Out on Faith and Try HIM' Chronicles of Kris - 10/07/08

2009-04-28T23:06:00.000-07:00

You know what ya'll,
It's time to just give it all over to God and be done with it cause He got your back...waaaay back and front. And that's all I gotta say! I'm finished. THE END. Sike nah.

Hi Family,
So I don't want to preach but goodness, I just can't describe how I feel. Ok, so last week I mentioned freelancing and I'm gonna talk about it again because it's obviously one of the top things on my mind! In the last chronicle, I spoke about freelancing keeping me on my grind. But I'll tell you another thing it does. It makes me give things over. It forces me to say, 'God, you know what I want. You know what I need. So what more can I say...nothing. Cause any way you bless me, you're gonna bless me real good and there's no need to worry.' However, we're all human so there's always a smidge of doubt going, 'Oh lawd, I'm about to step out and I don't know what I'm gonna land in or climb up or bust my ass doing.' BUT...seriously, the battle isn't ours.

Stretch out on faith and let the miracle happen. How do we do that? By really reaching for what we want. Getting rid of the excess (fat). If whatever we're doing is getting us further away from the goal, get thee behind! Lol That could be anything - physical, mental, spiritual, emotional - that might even be a few past demons you gotta kick around like Chun Li in Street Fighter 2 - but please try it! Throw them dukes up and get to fighting cause we don't have time for the okie doke, the ol shuck and jive if you will. We can't try to love, we have to love, we can't attempt to dream, we gotta dare to dream, plan, and do. That also includes them egos and those holier than thous and that haterade...pour it out (or get rid of those with it).

I'm so thankful because this is nothing new for me but this might be new for some, but it's never too late to start over. Failing (or feeling like you may have failed) is actually a set up for success - I personally think you have to f*#@ up real bad to know ok, I have to try another approach. And besides, it's better than being mediocre or in the middle. You gotta take a dive to get in the water - the whole idea is making sure you don't drown although you might have to choke and get the heimlich, it's not over til your dead and blue in the face and last time I checked, none of us are blue. (Ok. I might have gone a little too far with that one but I'm gonna bring it back.) I share my stories every week not to brag but to consistently testify. To be in your ears like bzzzzz, we're works in progress....So, let me move on to the story.I had lunch with an old old friend who was asking me, 'Why are you roaming around the city?' My response - 'I'm not roaming. I'm plotting. I have two meetings today, not sure what's gonna happen, but that's the fun of it. Something ALWAYS moves. I don't know what I'm doing next week and you know what, I like it!!!' Today I went to Viacom to visit Nickelodeon and BET International. All great. I walked out feeling excited.

I'm not sure what will come of my exchanges but I know it meant something. Then after the meeting, I check my phone and a producer who I don't know asks me to call him. I call and he asks, 'Are you a fan of Making the Band?' I exclaim, 'I KNOW THAT SHOW LIKE THE BACK OF MY HAND!!! I'M ALL OVER IT!' 'Ok, send me your samples cause I'm producing the MTB special for next week.' And I'm finished, ladies and gentleman. Yoooo... At this point, I don't think there's a month I'm not jumping around in the middle of Manhattan. It just is. (And mind you, people are staring at me on the bus because I'm smiling really hard at the phone.) So with that said, WATCH THE MAKING THE BAND 4 SPECIAL NEXT TUESDAY AT 9PM ON MTV. Hopefully they will run the credits and as Diddy would say, 'Take that, Take that.'

If you live to love, you’ll love to live. Mark 5:36 – “Be Not Afraid, Only Believe.” Here's to unlimited possibilities cause they're out there floating in the sky, waiting for us to grab hold. They're bigger than we could ever imagine. And there's so much to discover. Lastly, there's no bailout bill in life. Don't be McCained! Register to Vote.

JazziDreamin and Believin and Holding the *Insert Your Name Here* flag high,
Kristen Victoria

The "Cop and Blow" Chronicles of Kris - 08/31/08

2009-04-28T22:59:00.000-07:00

Whatttttt upppp (in my best Martin voice)! Greetings from Detroit, Michigan. This is the last stop of my tour before I go back into the office on Tuesday. There's so much wide open space; it's astounding. I'm currently sitting on a deck overlooking a damn golf course. What the heck. It's BEAUTIFUL out here. It might take me a minute to readjust to all the buildings and such once I return home but I do wanna see my peeps.

Since I've been here, my cousin J and I have discussed the topic of dating. I told him in the last two months, I've had to completely wipe out the stable and start anew. The stable, the roster if you will, was just acting up and I can't whine and complain til the cows come home. I gotta recruit a whole other set of players cause ya'lls hitting everything BUT net! Next!!!

J went on to explain the 'cop and blow' theory, which goes a little something like... sometimes you're coppin' folks and ringing 'em in, other times you have to blow them off. If you are willing and able to blow every single person off, you recognize your inability to settle for less than you deserve. That whole 'at least I have one or two holding on' mentality is played out like, what, an A Track! Get rid of 'em!!! Since I've deleted numbers and seriously kept it movin, a few have sensed that the coach has replaced them so they've started chiming through. Thanks for calling but it's not even that you're too late; it's that you really didn't truly care in the first place! And what do you say?!? NNNEEEEXXXXTTTT!!! LOL (But I'm nice about it, really.)

Until now, I've been fairly reluctant to date older. I definitely have a young spirit and there's lot of fun to be had. I'm finding people are settling into their 30s like they are really some old farts. But 30 is the new 20 baby, live it up like John Legend's song says! But I've come to notice there are a few early 30s folks who are mature but can enjoy a laugh...experienced but not so scorned...wanting to live their dreams and not just settle for less...so that's all well and good. At this point, the roster thing is getting old so you know...a great captain will do the trick!

Before I go I just wanted to mention one more thing. I've been speaking a lot about the significance of time and numbers and whatnot. And one thing seems blatantly obvious to me. 2007 was a year of completion and 2008 is a year of new beginnings. Within the last year, almost everyone on the Chronicles has made a big transition, whether it was a job change, moving, getting married, having a baby, going back to school, turning a hobby into a business, mending or starting a new relationship, or simply getting rid of the okie doke, things are moving forward and I am so excited for everyone. I hope we're keeping that forward momentum as the seasons change. Like I've been drilling (lol), there's no time like the present. Or like Common says, 'The present is a gift and I just wanna BE.'

So be happy, great, be love, be life...
Kristen Victoria

LIVE LOVE LIFE IN 2008 - The 'Let's Go Get 'Em' Chronicles of Kris - 06/28/08

2009-04-28T22:53:00.000-07:00

Family,
I sent this note at the top of the year but it's almost the middle of the year and may be time for a refresher. I am sending this email because I have had quite a few conversations with people on this list about *goals* and really making the year great. With that said, I'd like to send my own personal method to making my dreams come true. This has worked for me since I started writing formal lists in 2004.

Every year, I write something called a *Dream Sheet,* a full document listing ALL of my goals, from the very minute to the biggest (and what most call unattainable). I do NOT think with limits, I do NOT dream with roadblocks, and most of the time, I do NOT share my biggest goals with people because I am not looking for approval from anyone but God. This document is almost like a goal brainstorm...list EVERYTHING you want to do AND devise a plan on how it will happen.

In actuality, YOU have been part of my dream sheet, because in the last few years, I have prayed to be surrounded by like-minded people and organizations that will continue to feed my spirit. Even listing this and focusing on adding positive energy to my life has been a blessing beyond words. Of course, throughout the year, your dream sheets will grow and change...you will work your way to realizing you want more, or maybe you don't even want to do what you once thought you did. I write a yearly dream sheet, but I also write quarterly goals as well. My mom keeps a journey poster, one with visual pictures of what she wants. I simply list.

Here's an example. LIST EVERYTHING (there are a few examples below)
ACADEMIC (I.E. goals for a GPA, or if you are out of school, reading more/ obtaining more knowledge in your field of interest)
BUSINESS (I.E. goals for your current employment)
CULTURAL
DOMESTIC
EMOTIONAL (I.E. maybe there's a situation weighing you down or maybe you want to be more comfortable or confident with being yourself)
ENTREPRENEURIAL
EXTRA-CURRICULAR
FAMILY
FINANCIAL
RELATIONSHIP
SPIRITUAL
SOCIAL
VOLUNTEER
OTHER

This works for me and it will for you if you truly believe in your potential. Pray Pray Pray, Work Work Work, Believe Believe Believe and you will achieve...ALSO, PLEASE DON'T BE AFRAID TO GET RID OF PEOPLE AND THINGS THAT ARE TYING YOU DOWN. AND ALSO, PLEASE GET OUT OF YOUR WAY -- MEANING, DON'T MAKE EXCUSES. PLEASE DON'T WASTE YOUR OWN TIME SAYING THE SAME TIRED STUFF YOU SAID LAST YEAR OR MAYBE EVEN TWO YEARS AGO. I WANNA SEE YOU FLY!!!!!

Love,
Kristen Victoria

P.S. To make something special you have to believe it's special. There is no special ingredient...Except you.

The "Walk In It" Chronicles of Kris - 06/09/08

2009-04-28T22:44:00.000-07:00

Hey Family,
Shout out to the newbies - we have a lot of new Chroniclers so welcome! :)

I've given your replies to last week's Chronicles a lot of thought, especially this message -
'By the time you've gotten up the nerve to express your interest in a person, it is simply TOO late.' That statement rings true in my 'liking' history, as I reflected on all the guys I've had crushes on in my life and the ones I've actually said something to. Until pretty recently, by the time I blurted (yes, blurted) something out, it was either years later or I gave up on the person getting the hint or I just felt like telling a funny and didn't let them know seriously, which gives them the opinion to either have me repeat it again at another time or simply ignore
it. I know - BAD MOVE! But I wasn't always kick ass Kris. I had my days of serious insecurity, where I felt too tall, too brown, too outspoken...what can I say it's part of the growing pains of life and it happens to the best of us.

Sidenote: And don't assume that because a woman is focused and independent, she doesn't welcome a strong partner. I am willing to share the shine! Ok, back to the regularly scheduled program...)

But of course as you get older and grow into yourself (and realize the ones who were 'so fine' in high school have maxed out by the time college is over), you start to pop your collar and go, 'Hey, I am serious prime real estate!' And although the fear of rejection rings true from time to time for all of us, at least it isn't completely paralyzing and overwhelming like it used to be.

One thing I've realized in life is that in every area, 'what's for you is for you' and all you can do is walk in it. Last week felt like a whirlwind to me because so many things were moving at once, and a lot of times I try to push myself harder because I'm trying to keep up with what seems like God's plan. Like if I have a slow week, I'm thinking, 'Oh no, this doesn't mean slow down
the pace. I have to pick up my focus cause you're about to bless me real good.'

In this industry, I'm finding that the good ones stick together and that's been evident in my connections thus far. I've been in communication with a great lady, Essie Chambers, who is the VP of Development at Nickelodeon's The N channel. It all started from me sending a 'random' email to her just introducing myself and letting her know I'm a follower of her work and would love to chat. Long story short, she hit me back and was very excited about 'helping me become
the best showrunner I can be' although I hadn't even expressed my interest in executive producing.

Well a few weeks ago, Essie told me I need to get in touch with Tracey Moore, a wonderful acting coach/casting agent. She told me she'd get her information to me and before she could do that, a family friend (shout out to Billy) took me to an acting class...taught by her. We connected and all I can think is wow, God is good. It's now not just one avenue; I'm getting to the people I need to get to just because...and it's not me getting me there. I'm just walking in it.

Everything we want and need is already within us, and it's our jobs to allow that greatness to shine and CREATE our happiness, or at least try our hardest to minimalize the dumbness. I believe in good energy at all times, and don't compromise your happiness and growth for ANYONE!

Case and point, House Party! I'm sure you remember when Play tells Dragon Breath
Bilal to 'STEP...just STEP' when he scratched up his speakers. LOL Whenever people start rubbing me the wrong way, I see Play in my mind. Seriously... 'STEP!' I don't wanna hear it! Yo, sometimes it be's like that! Don't feel obligated to listen to someone who's bringing you down and distracting you from your victory.

Sometimes I see life like a long road, where I need to stop at various houses along the way. One for food, another for shelter, another for words of wisdom, another for friendship. I know my destination down that path, but I have no clue who or what obstacles/miracles will come my way along the journey. I just know by the time I reach my destination, I will have been tested, touched, strengthened, and renewed to become a better me. And this, my friends, is a part of the journey and it is made sweeter because of all of you.

One of my all time favorite movies is The Wiz. I can't stand The Wizard of Oz because when the Tin Man, Cowardly Lion, the Scarecrow, and Dorothy reach their goals, the Oz people (I forgot what they are called) give them some stupid medallions. What is that? Forget that fake stuff. By the end of The Wiz, they all realize the qualities they've been looking for, they already had all along. And they had the most heart, the most intelligence, and the most courage! YOU
have those same qualities and more...

I love you all so much!

Jabbawockee Masks, T-Shirts, Flashing Lights, and Kangol Hats,
Kristen Victoria

The "Crush on You" Chronicles of Kris - 06/02/08

2009-04-28T22:40:00.000-07:00

Hey Family!
So I'm hitting a crossroads. Amidst the cornballs who approach me on a daily basis, I'm starting to meet a few people I actually kinda sorta find interesting. Which means I'll have to step outside of my comfort zone and say something. Gasp, clutch the pearls! What's a young lady to do?

I know what she should not do. Kristen, please do not crush! Pleeeaasssee! I'll admit it...for some reason, I find comfort in developing secret (or not so secret) admiration, and that's not good. I understand that crushing is a lot easier for me because I control the outcome, even if it's stagnation. It's stagnation on MY terms. But you know what, that's a punk move! And I, Kristen Victoria Carter, am no punk. So I must hold my head up high and look rejection
or reciprocated admiration in the face and say...Damn it, I like you!...or something along those lines. Argh, that's so tough for me!

One thing I've pondered a lot lately is the idea(l) that the man should seek the woman. Although that's always been the way I'd like it to be, that's not always the way it ends up. The seekers are never as interesting as the sought out. But does that mean that I (the seeker on the other end) will end up less interesting because I'm the one seeking? Do you get my drift?

So fellas, I pose a question to you and if you care to, answer! Do you like being the seeker or the sought out? Do you like straight forward women...or is that too much? Is it as uncomfortable to approach a woman, as it is for women to approach? Or have you gotten so used to the playing field that neither rejection or approval tingle with disappointment or excitement?

Or do you think analyzing just wastes too much time?

And also answer this, are you meeting as many corny women as I am meeting men? Gosh darn it! If I get one more lame-o text...

Write me back...and ladies, if you care to share, hit the crackberry too.

Cool Relaxin with my Jon B CD,
Kris

The "Lunch Bunch" Chronicles of Kris - 05/29/08

2009-04-28T22:32:00.000-07:00

Maybe it's time for me to go on vacation. Lately I've been taking three-hour lunches. Not only because I can but because I SHOULD! It's good for my health. And besides, never ever cut off interesting people when they're in a groove.

Today I went out to lunch with my favorite DJ. Woooo finally! I thought I'd never get him out! I'm sure he has no idea that I've wanted to hang out since this time last year but I figured maybe the excitement he stirs up when he plays Bernard Wright's Who Do You Love and then mixes into LL Cool J's Loungin remix could translate elsewhere. Shrug. Again, I'm sure he has no clue I've even thought about him beyond my song requests. I definitely only speak to him about music.

Now that I think of it, I used to assume he was a little startled by me. On several occasions, I ran up on him in the DJ booth. I've jumped and waved in front of him - AAAAAAH! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU JUST PLAYED 'SATURDAY LOVE'...'STEELO'....JADE'S DON'T WALK AWAY...WHO PLAYS QUEEN LATIFAH'S SONG 'IT'S ALRUGHT'?!?! I LOVE YOU!!! So when I also yell, 'HEY! DO YOU WANNA HANG OUT SOMETIME?,' maybe it doesn't go over in his mind. But maybe he just gets a kick out of me. What's very interesting about him is that although he is the BEST DJ in NY in my opinion, he's not hype AT ALL! He will play for 5 hours and he'll shout me out on the mic at any and every party he sees me wildin the f out but when he's mixing, he just kinda sits there.

Enter 'cloud above my head' moment...Maybe I need a guy on the 1s and 2s. Someone who knows how to control me with music. That'd be GREAT! For example...So I start yelling, 'But baby, what the hell are you talking bout! You're so stupid...'DJ Kristen's Man breaks out -Insert: Aaliyah's Back and Forth* Kristen than forgets EVERYTHING going on and drops her bags and kicks off her shoes and starts jamming* DJ Kristen's Man thinks, 'Mission Accomplished!' End Scene!

Wouldn't that be great? Oh man! That's what I'm talking about. LOL Although we went to lunch, I didn't manage to ask him anything really personal. I don't know why. He seems like such a calm person; I'm really scared of scaring him cause I'm jumpy and kinda all over the place. But I'm a funny haha, not a funny oh no! Really! Even if we're just cool, it's all good. Nice guy...

But seriously, I think a DJ could save my life! Don't cha think?!?

Pondering...
Kris

Blast from the Past - The "I'm Learning to Date" Chronicles of Kris - 04/11/08

2009-04-28T22:06:00.000-07:00

Hey Everyone,
Last night I went out to Negril's with Nicole (who's on this list - BUMBACLOT lol) and two guys, one of which is a great artist and JazziDreamer's first official client, Lance Drummonds - check him out on myspace.com/lancedrummonds and lancedrummondsmusic.com. Anyway, we were sitting there waiting for our meals, then my phone started to go off like crazy in my pocket. It was this dude that's kinda ok I guess. I sigh every time the phone rings thinking, 'Damn, why did I give this dude my number in the first place?!?' We haven't even been out on a date once and he's already annoying me, trying to clock me. So I burst out to Lance, 'Why do the ones you don't like track you down, and the ones you like just don't pay you any damn mind!!!' Lance says it's the phermones. I HATE WHEN PEOPLE I DON'T REALLY KNOW OR CARE ABOUT TRY TO TRACK ME! UGH...Ok, my outburst is over. But seriously, when you don't care, these fools come running.

During our conversation, I asked Lance how he got with his ex-girlfriend - did he snag her or did she snag him. He said without question, she snagged him because she was direct. She let him know she was interested but would only spend time with him, nothing more for a period of 4-5 months. He said the best way to get a guy is to give him nothing, or give him everything. He says that it gave her enough time to really consider who he was and not make any hasty decisions.*I appreciated his honesty, and in general I feel like most of my male friends are very candid so shout out to the bros!!!

Then his friend Dre got to the table and they discussed the plight of 20-something year old guys being in deeply committed relationships. This is Dre - 'Listen, my relationship is like this. Imagine you get this gigantic feast right, except you're not that hungry. It looks good, it smells good, but you're not quite ready to sit down at the table and grub. But, are you gonna let Thanksgiving dinner go to waste? Are you gonna let someone else take a bite of your meal? Hell no! Cause once someone takes a bite of YOUR dinner, you don't want it anymore and now everyone's unhappy. The food got picked at, and now you don't wanna bother and the plate's gone to waste.' That had to be the funniest, most straight forward analogy I've ever heard.

You know I had to go on and on about my crazy situations and I told them as much junk as I talk about being confused and blah-zay-blah, I have to admit that I've encountered some really great guys (who weren't and aren't out to play me). It just wasn't our time but in the end, I've learned something really poignant about myself which I guess is really all we can ask for.

The last six months or so I've been a bit more cautious about what I do or say to men, allowing them to take more of the lead - whether if it's with directions, plans, whatever - at this point I feel like THEY need to figure it out. Recently I went out and my date had no clue how to get to our destination. Luckily, I napped and ate prior to leaving the house so I was fine walking the NY streets at midnight. Normally, I would direct but I forced myself to fall back and just let him find the way. But after 20 minutes, I finally just had to call out and say, 'The lounge is over here.'
Although I don't wanna take over, I don't have to OD with it and end up on the other side of town. LOL

But I'm learning...

Enjoy the moments,
Kristen Victoria

Hello World!

2009-04-22T09:53:00.000-07:00