The 'Playground' Chronicles of Kris - 04/19/10

Hey Good People,
How are you? We're getting closer and closer to my favorite time of the year!! I love to roast in the summer, but there's something to be said for the momentum of Spring. Mother nature starts granting our wish to turn up the heat, and suddenly there's a boost, a feeling of rebirth that seems to come over everything. As the flowers bloom, I've felt a resurgence in my life, one that is welcomed and deeply appreciated.

During 1st Quarter, I was feeling hopeful but incredibly reconstructive. Because of that frame of mind - coming from a point of lack and 'regrouping,' I felt very needy. I need more money, more time to myself, more attention, more encouragement, MORE to 'get it right.' If I had X, I'd feel Z. When will I get (fill in the blank)? How can I get (fill in the blank)?

Upon expressing these thoughts to my mother, she sent me a Daily Word entry the very next morning that said three words -

I AM ENOUGH.

I stared at that email for a few moments and let those words seep in. I continued to say that phrase to myself during the day's journey, and my internal voice began to sing. I have near-perfect health, I have a supportive family, I have a home, a PEACEFUL home at that. I have love, I have true friends, and the honesty that I so desire from others, I have from myself and from my Source. In the days that followed, I spent more time basking in the glory of what my life is at this very moment.

I can't recall the exact moment where things started to click again - when I started to feel inspired and free to dream as opposed to fearful of my dreams. Hold on - when and why did that even happen?!?! Argh! When I absorbed the 'reality' of the world - when I began accepting the images of the recession, feeling for people who are depressed as opposed to acknowledging their circumstances and NOT taking on their burdens, when I was inspired to pull greatness out of others when they were not willing to do it themselves. I had a moment when I forgot the beauty of this life experience. The great reality that we all have the potential to create in and around us. The clarity of asking for what I want and expecting for it to show up in my universe. That's the life that we are all born to live!

So these thoughts spawned other heart-glowing experiences. In March, I hit the recording studio for the first time. I recorded my educational version of Ludacris's Pimpin All Over The World entitled 'Learnin All Over The World.' I wrote it in 2005 for my summer program's graduation song. I also was led to record a song called 'Roadblock.' I was pissed at myself for literally feeling like I hit a fork in the road and didn't know where to turn. I was upset that when I heard the beat, those words came pouring out of me as opposed to some happy-go-lucky song. I sang it against my 'wanna be perfect' side of myself, and vowed to never play it back cause those feelings are just silly...

When I got out of the booth, the engineer began talking about his career and he asked if I had read the book 'The Secret.' I blurted out, 'I have, but I think I may have forgotten it.' I took that moment seriously because that was my heart speaking to me. I really had forgotten the secret for a second! My heart was telling me to continue to seek and to pick up the book because just maybe it has something for me to absorb. I have read alot of 'Mind Body and Spirit' books in the past few months to get that thing back. To get that zeal for life to magically return...but everything is a process, everything is a cycle and it happened when I turned my perspective from emptiness to expectation. And funny, I finally played that song back this past Saturday and started laughing. What a difference a few weeks has made...I don't even feel that way anymore. As opposed to feeling a road block, I feel like the world has opened up...

I say all of this to say - let's make life our playground. I have remembered the greatness of thought, of perspective, of thankfulness. I am so thankful for this time, this space, and this moment...that I'm bursting at the seams. Now I have to settle into feeling great because it's a feeling I forgot. *shakes fist at 2009* Lol...let's continue to look forward, to take every experience as a learning tool that is preparing us for receiving greatness in every area. I realize now that things aren't so cut and dry, that we go through phases, that we can't take things so personally and that it takes time to heal, process, and run toward our joy. But when we do, people better start running with us or run off the road! WORD!!!

And on that note - love, laughter, and loyalty always! I love you all so much. (And for those speed readers, I hope this touches you too!!!)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B7Lj6xf9XPU

Love,
Kristen Victoria

The 'Snoop Dogg' Chronicles of Kris - 03.18.10

Happy Spring Everyone,

Thank God for some sunshine. I don't care how long it lasts; warmer temperatures are here for now and that's all that matters. For those who don't know, I am hard at work on BET's The Deal, a hip-hop entertainment show that airs at 3am AKA the graveyard shift. I am very proud of our show because we're not just playing what's hot; we are showcasing many aspects of hip-hop and shining a light on mixtape artists, producers, executives, entrepreneurs, and even some culture. Clutch the pearls. (If you can, please DVR the show and spread the word.)

Last week, we hooked up with Snoop Dogg so that he could co-host the show. Prior to our tape day, I was a little nervous. I knew I'd have to prep him for his reads, etc and I'm always a little bit weary of 'high-profile' talent. They are usually pretty detached, moody, and they like to show off by singing and dancing all over the place while their team laughs at all of their jokes. But my producer quickly told me that Uncle Snoop is a ball of fun and will do anything that I ask of him.

Although reassured, I did get a little worried when Snoop showed up hours late and went straight into his dressing room to smoke. That dude is a straight chimney! I mean firrraaaaah. I thought maybe he'd be very mellow & kinda grumpy (I don't know a thing about smoking or smokers), but when he came out of his room, he was awesome and so sweet. He danced around, he joked around, he even messed up and said 'wait am I supposed to start off, baby girl'? Also, he didn't have enough clothing to change for three shoots so we thought he was going to stay in the same outfit for the second shot of the day. When we asked him, he turned around and said, 'I can't look like yesterday' and ran off to get a new jacket.

Besides getting a mean contact and smelling like weed on the way home, the experience was great and I realized why Snoop has been a mainstay for so long. He connects with everyone and makes people feel comfortable without being flashy, arrogant, or showy. And you know it's a good shoot when my staff (who are comprised of people who are 'unimpressed by fame') all got up to take pics with Uncle Snoop. By this point, I was holding in coughs because of the smoke but I'll do it for tha Doggfather.

Good times...

except for the fact that the train conductor started sniffing when he went by me to take my ticket! :)

The 'In Light of Dark Ways' Chronicles of Kris - 03.18.10

Hi All,

So every morning before I get to shuffling papers, viewing tapes, and typing my life away, I check out the blogs to see what juicy foolishness has transpired since I left my desk. The other day my friend & chronicler Patrice (say hi, Patty D) sent me this link: http://www.crunktastical.net/2010/03/16/winso/. It's a candid interview featuring retired basketball player Winston Bennett as he discusses sex addiction. I'm assuming he's slept with over 1,000 women in his life after doing some math during the interview and all I can say is wow. Not only am I horrified about his experiences (and knowing that other people have to be going through this as well), but I was saddened by the woman standing beside him through thick and thin. Oh yes, he's been married for over 20 years and sleighing folks left and right. A 'stand by your man' kinda woman who's not standing for herself...

When the interviewer asked Winston's wife about her marriage, she said something like, "I know/knew this is something that God will heal in time." You know, I am definitely a believer BUT come on...I really get tired of people using their faith as a crutch for their weaknesses and ultimately an enabler for their pain. God doesn't want us sitting on our duffs waiting for Him to come save us from things we could save ourselves from. We are co-creators!! Although extremely difficult, we have to be mindful and act accordingly when things aren't in tune with our vibrations. You know it doesn't feel good and isn't helping your growth, so get gone OR at least try to find some inner peace. I doubt our Higher Power wants us suffering (especially in a carnal sense) in His name. To me, that's actually using our faith in vain. But again, who am I to judge. Watch this clip...I still think she needs to get the steppin!

There are so many things going on in the world. Family, how can we get back to center as a community? How can we look ourselves and our loved ones in the eye again? Let's work toward self-exposure, identity, and unity if we're going to move forward in any sense of the word.

P.S. This is a thought that I've been pondering lately. Does the story of Adam & Eve (and their descendents) hold us hostage as we seek truth or do those stories of sin, jealousy, good versus evil serve us as we seek freedom, peace, and truth? I have LOTS of thoughts on this topic and would love to dialogue. It's time for a get together/pow wow/forum. :)

Love you all.

Kristen Victoria

The 'Nike' Chronicles of Kris - 03.18.10

Hi All,

We've got a lot of catching up to do. When the elders said time flies after 25, they were not lying. So with that said, I'm gonna try to bring everyone up to speed real quick. The last month seems like a big blur but honestly, there were some major accomplishments in 1st quarter '10. After a year or so of trying to figure out what to do with our works, my writing partner and I shot the first few episodes of our scripted web programs. We decided to turn my feature film and her pilot tv series into content that you can jump to & click on while you're bored at work. Chea! So I'll definitely let you know when our work is up and running online just for you! We are excited for the possibilities and of course, the continued learning lessons and growth.

It's funny to think about the ebbs & flows that my creative team has encountered and will continue to experience as creative beings. We've gotten things in motion, doubted, had schedule conflicts, gone back to the drawing board, had a productive meeting, cancelled shoots, started over, and then all of a sudden...something just clicked. It wasn't overnight; but I realized what it was. We made a decision that we were going to shoot something - anything!! - in the first quarter of 2010. That decision really put things in motion because we were determined to take these characters off the page and stand them right in front of our faces!

It's no secret that ideas, concepts, & dialogue float through my head all day every day. We can all have these visions but without follow through, it means nothing. One of my partners always says 'just get one thing done,' and now I am finally beginning to understand what she means. KRISTEN, GET ONE THING DONE AT A TIME. JUST DO IT! We must stack our bricks before we can stand on a sturdy wall. We must be able to handle thousands of dollars before managing a million. We must produce one project before handling a slate of productions! There are steps to this thing and no matter how badly I try to jump to some far off land where I do and get everything my heart desires, I must be able to handle what's in my midst.

I must be in the moment, enjoying the process, the beautiful struggle of learning more of who I am & observing what it is I do and don't want in my energy field. And quite simply, making a decision on what I want and setting the universe in motion to achieve whatever goal I have set forth to accomplish.

I watched this Will Smith video on Monday...and I was just blown away. I need to step my game up. We, as a community, need to step our games up. Here's to new dreams and decisions. Keep pondering and using your ability to choose what you want. The strongest thing we can do, besides loving one another, is make a decision to live our best lives!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OLN2k0b3g70

Enjoy,

Kris

The 'Crush Groove' Chronicles of Kris - 02.14.10

I'm a self-proclaimed late bloomer with hundreds of stories about crushes and people I loved to like. Some of my tales are actually too embarassing to write but here are a few of my fav truths that don't make me blush (as much) anymore. :)

4 - My grandmother and my childhood crush have the same initials. I begged my Nana for her gold ring that had her initials in them for months. I never really told her why, and I don't remember the excuse I gave her. But finally she let me 'have' the ring and I wore it proudly. Finally, during class, my crush grabbed my hand and stared at the ring. He said lovingly (because of course I thought he liked me too lol), 'what do those initials stand for?' I think I batted my eyes and said something like 'you know what they stand for' and ran off. (Now, I'm not sure if this freaked him out but it sure as hell would freak me out for a 9 year old friend to have a KC ring on his finger. LOL)

3 - One of my high school crushes was a family friend. He was the only boy allowed in my room. To this day, I think he knew full well that I had a crush on him but I was terribly shy. I remember him asking me for a massage and my hands literally trembled at the thought of touching his skin. He would come over and we'd play games, just very innocent. One day he fell asleep on my bed and on me and I literally could not breathe. Not because he was crushing me, but because HE WAS LAYING ON ME. Aaaaah! After about 15 minutes, he jumped up all of a sudden as if he was startled. I said, 'what happened?' His reply - 'Ummm...I'm getting too comfortable.' He got himself together. I asked him if he was ok and he said yes. He said he'd call me later and then he went through the front door. My mom was downstairs reading the paper so when I closed the door, she looked up at me. My face was beat red. She said, 'Sweetheart, what happened?' I said, 'I don't know' and burst into tears...
(My reaction reading this now: Poor baby! lol)

2 - I have a college friend who I thought was a divine one coming back to Earth. (Real talk. I think Michael Jackson was one of them as well.) He and I were friends, but I was inspired and intrigued and the whole bit. He's a lyricist so one night after hanging out, he decided to walk me back to my room. I was giggling and completely amused by whatever he was saying, and mentioned that I wanted to learn how to rap. He started breaking down his process and that I should think about things that rhyme. We went through a few little words that rhyme - time, dime, lime, etc. I thought for a second and we did a mini-cipher and I spit. It was great. I fell in love that night. 'Rap to me some more.' LOL

1 - When I was 16, I participated in a recruitment day for my scholarship program. It was held at my church and we were responsible for interviewing new candidates for the program. An admissions officer from a New England school came to the event. I think all the women at my church did the 'turn.' So the day goes by and the day comes to an end. Everyone's wrapping up and when he gets outside, his car is gone from the church parking lot. Apparently he had valuables in the backseat and someone broke in. All of my deaconesses look around like, 'I'm sorry for you but I gotta get home.' My mom turns and says, 'Well, you can come to our house and use the phone.' I THOUGHT I WOULD DIE! I vividly remember skating around my kitchen. There's a man in the house!!! And he's 24!!!We stayed up that night and he told us about his experience at a prestigious college. I probably exhaled 5 times right in front of him. Long story short, he did stay on the couch and traveled back to New England the next day. I was pretty silent for most of the day once we dropped him off at the train station. Finally, I asked - 'Mommy, when am I gonna have a guy like that?' My mom replied, 'He will come when you are ready...but you've got plenty of time for that, sweetheart.' I love my mommy...
So funny how you meet people...I'll never forget that. :)

Ok, I'm hungry. Time to grab some grub with my best friend and the fam. Enjoy your day!!!

Love & all that other...
KRIS

The 'Greatest Love of All' Chronicles of Kris - 02.14.10

Ahh, good morning. I hope everyone's enjoying the long All-Star/Boo-Lovin Observance weekend. I partake in the All-Star portion of this but ya know, love's in the air no matter what day it is. Last night I watched Love Jones for the 8723rd time in my life, even though it felt like the first. It's funny how certain messages hit home although you've been surrounded by them forever...you don't really catch the truth in anything until you're truly ready for it.

So this morning, I journaled to myself for the first time in a few weeks. I write for various reasons everyday but I finally allowed that quiet time to be completely free-flowing and nonjudgemental of my thoughts. 'Self' has been whispering that I needed to shut up & write, because I recently unleashed my ego and allowed her to run her mouth like wildfire & show her ugly lil' head! I haven't done that in quite a while so it was definitely time to regroup and process my greatness of spirit versus my weakness of flesh. It's funny how I let go of my strength at what felt like a weak moment where I was unsure of myself. (That's backwards I know. Why do we do that to ourselves?)

My overall goal this year is to be more intuitive and decisive, yet I've done a poor job of staying aligned with this goal recently. It's easy to say, do, and act our best when we feel at our best personally & professionally but when we question ourselves, sometimes the bottom falls out OR we pull it from under our own feet and blame other things. Sometimes we cry over spilled milk when it's been sour and should have been mopped up already. At this point, all I can think about is the quintessential phrase 'keep it movin son' but what happens when you just don't wanna move? You get stuck in a rut (probably all by your damn self lol)...so I have to refocus and realize - I'm just living out my lessons.

I am at my greatest with my pen. I feel love & connection in that. I feel the boundlessness of who I am and who I was created to be. I feel the 'heart to heart' connection that I sometimes wish I felt in 'face to face' interaction. This is the place I call home.

So why do I allow myself to feel like a stranger at times? Because in my attempt to be 'right,' I lose my righteousness. In my attempt to prove my point, I step away from things that deserve my greatest energy & focus. It's funny how when I experience discord, I can feel the physical & spiritual split. (I've actually always sensed this, but never quite in these terms.) The part of me that's offended versus the part of me that's merely observing life and taking notes. The part of me that harbors fears of lonliness versus the part of me that knows I'm never alone...ever.

So it's a new year again. My goal is for two to remain one. When I'm feeling all razzle dazzle frazzled, I must take it to the Source as opposed to fighting my own fears. And even after I press Send and go about my business for the day, I'll have to come back to this quiet place and remind myself that I don't ever have to do this thing called life on my own if I just listen...

...now that's love.

The 'Love Song' Chronicles of Kris - 02.06.10

I'm most honest with myself when I write, which is why I'm constantly scribbling. I generally write four Chronicles a week in my head but sit down to pen one, if any at all. My emotions have been topsy turvy within the last seven days. Thankfully, I've had creativity to distract me - with full-time work & independent projects stealing most of the minutes in my day, it doesn't leave too much idle time for me to ponder about moments past. And thank the good Lord for that! However, in between takes, there's this faint voice telling me that I need to sit down and meditate or at least write. So here goes...

This morning I hit a milestone. I listened to Eric Roberson. Yes. For the first time in months. This time last year, I had just discovered his music and purchased all of his albums but it wasn't long before he was torn away from me. Or I gave him away. We had to break up...well because...other things had broken up. After crying to him on more than a few occasions, I couldn't bear to listen to any of his songs.

Don't you hate when that happens?! When great music becomes tainted by experience? You mistakenly create a soundtrack that leaves your record collection all screwed up. It's almost like robbery; a situation goes South and then all of a sudden your favorite songs become kill joys, stained by imperfection.

All music has some sort of stamp on it. We associate people, places, periods in our lives with melody. One of my all-time favorite songs 'Septembro' was introduced to me sixteen years ago in dance class, and I always reflect on those times in rehearsal and how much that song touched me as a 9 year old. I remember associating Mandy Moore's 'I Wanna Be With You' & Beenie Man's 'Girls Dem Sugar' to a high school crush. And Anthony Anderson's 'Charlene' to an awful kiss in college. LOL But I digress...

Here recently, I went through another transition and found a few songs caught in the middle. Of course, I do reflect on moments...but I decided to fight back and continue singing my song. I am not letting these tunes go up in flames over one moment in my life! It's just not gonna happen. These songs are too special to me. This is MY playlist and I'm not gonna allow anything to come between me and my music! My song selections aren't gonna be ruined just because a situation has run its course.

I didn't even realize I had changed my way of thinking and 'put my headphones on' until Eric Roberson showed up on my iPod. I paused for a second and then thought, 'Wow, when's the last time I heard this song?' I chuckled because I remembered right away - there I was, sitting in my bed, a hot, bubblin mess wiping my eyes with the back of my hand like a little kid who just got pushed by the class bully. Waaa waaa...ya'll know the growing pains...

Eric came back to me and my listening this morning was effortless. I guess it was to show me that I could literally face the music, face my past, and create a new present and future with the music I love. Although I'm telling this story for dramatic effect (lol), I really had shut his music out of my catalog and just shook my head with regret. But tonight I am currently reacquainting myself to his albums and am happy that I have him back. He won't be walking out of the door with the next dj such and such. Whether it's peaches & herb all day long or not, no one is taking my song. End of story.