The ‘Brother’s Keeper’ Chronicles of Kris – 08.17.11

Hi Family,

August has been a great time of preparation. No matter how far my college graduation date drifts away, September will always be 'back to school' time, another reminder to get things right in the Fall 2011-Spring 2012 academic calendar year. I didn't have a summer break but I have gotten time to uncover more of my deeper goals as it pertains to life.

I get most excited about being creative but lately I've added a new prayer of vulnerability into the mix. Talking about work has become my 'go to' conversation because that's where my comfort lies. I feel very at ease with the flow of my creative journey but let someone ask about my personal life and I get giggly or start to talk fast, usually ending with an 'I Don't Know.' :)

I do not remember the last time I spoke to my father on the phone or in person. I'm actually trying to jog my memory right this second and I can't quite picture our last outing. For those who do not know, my father has lived in Los Angeles most of my life and ha, of course lives less than 5 freeway exits from me now. Even with this physical closeness, nothing has really changed. We saw each other a few times at the beginning of the year and hit some bumps so I just dropped it because I wasn't interested in being an emotional mess and clouding all the other clear progressions in my life.

So that's been it...

My father began texting me two weeks ago. I wasn't quite sure why. Maybe he noticed that my little brother and I had become Facebook friends. Or maybe he received my email blast that Born to Dance is now on the air. I had no idea why he began asking questions about my whereabouts. But after a few days worth of texts, I asked if we could meet. He seemed thrilled about that so he invited me to go bowling.

So on Saturday, I had a first. I bowled with my father and had a great time laughing and joking. I brought a friend along and he brought two of his family friends who were around my age. There were lots of thoughts running through my mind that night. Mostly that I have a really difficult time looking at him for longer than 4 seconds, and that I turn my body away instinctively. It's interesting observing myself while actually in the moment, learning a new side that I don't even know of myself and understanding that even while being pleasant, I've definitely built a wall. I recognize the complexities of repair, and I wonder if I'm willing to walk down that road. Secretly or not so secretly, I gave a silent ultimatum...if he came around by April, I'd consider it but if not, I'm not sure I can keep reopening a huge wound.

However, I did think of something else. Am I or have I held people hostage with the ways they used to be as opposed to the ways that they are? Do I have it in me to start anew? Have I given someone the cold shoulder to avoid being bruised? I realize I've developed terms of engagement and relationships don't work that way.

So for now, I'll take each moment as it comes. I really enjoyed the outing. Period. But I realize how nervous I am of being critiqued and picked apart, knowing that he probably feels the exact same way. The friendships and family relationships that have stood the test of time have remained unbreakable because of unconditional love; the ability to be completely unedited and have that person love you for you. The reasons I enjoy speaking about 'work' is because I haven't made moves that I'm embarrassed about (yet). But maybe in my personal life, I've done or said things that make me look really silly, or really open, or really mean. But I strive for unedited relationships in every area of my life. I don't strive for perfection in any area, I just desire excellence. And being my best self includes not leaving out details for fear someone won't like what I have to say and in turn, walk away. So if I'm distant, that's probably why...I'm afraid I'm gonna say something and my father (or said person) won't fight for me...but heck, I actually do walk away from him. Epiphany. I am working on breaking down my walls so that perhaps when our hearts are prepared, we can break through a wall together.

After my outing with my father, I sent this to my best friend:

Thank you for allowing me to be 'unedited' with you all of these years. I hope that I have been the same for you, and if I have not than I deeply apologize. I pray for you everyday, that you will feel free to live and be whatever your heart desires. I understand why we are and have always been friends. I am blessed to have you and others in my corner that I truly feel at home with wherever I am. Somewhere along the way we get lost in trying to be heroes for others and I thank you for just loving and accepting me for me.

So with that said, I thank you for allowing me to share with you. And I truly truly hope you'll continue sharing with me. Here's to breaking down walls so we can see rainbows and feel the sunshine that's here for us all.

Love Always,

Kristen Victoria

The 'Super Power Source' Chronicles of Kris - 04.07.11

The ‘Super Power Source’ Chronicles of Kris – 04.07.11

Happy Thursday! It is a great day to be alive. There is no mistake that we are chosen to be here, living and breathing, in this present moment. I am so full right now, knowing that you and I have been specifically selected for this time. There is something that we are being developed to become, something that we are being prepared to do and share with this world!

Last week I began my new position as Story Editor for choreographer Laurieann Gibson's show 'Born to Dance.' The premise is one we've seen before - she selects 20 girls to live in a house and battle to become the next superstar dancer BUT the execution is one I have not experienced. Since day 1 of auditions, Laurieann has told the girls that the show is not a competition. It is only a confirmation that you are who God created you to be. By showing up and stepping out on faith, you made the first step for yourself no matter what the outcome. Let this be a reminder that you are great, have always been great, and will always be great. Just stay focused and do the work.

My weeks consist of watching footage and crafting the story lines but I cannot get through a day without acknowledging the blessing of continually being in His presence, knowing that I have been chosen to listen to, receive, and offer up the energy that so wonderfully fuels my life. This time is not about my life at all. I am being armed; It is about growing stronger in the gifts that must be used to forward this world. We are being developed to be the difference.

Laurieann touched upon something that really moved me yesterday.

‪Your teachers were probably intimidated by this star so they didn’t know how to inspire you properly to remain great. So you stopped fighting so you’re dimmer, you stopped fighting so you quieted yourself down, you humbled yourself…You didn’t want to lose friends so you got a little more polite. You wanted to make sure they were ok. So now you’re small, still bigger than everyone else but saying, ‘Do you like me? Oh, I’m not that great, I promise you I don’t know what I’m doing'…break free from the bonds of mediocrity!

I almost fell out when she said this. When I think back on my life's experiences, there are times when my heart just HURT because I did not understand my place in this world. I felt awkward because I didn't want to offend anyone. Why do I always have to be the one creating or trying to change something? I asked God why do I have so many goals and everyone around me seems comfortable where they are? Am I crazy for feeling there is more to life than this? SIMPLY, THERE IS MORE FOR ME TO DO. We live in a world where everyone compares their own success, self worth, ability, gifts to the next person but there is no measure for what God has given to us as INDIVIDUALS.

We are here to change the atmosphere.

Whether you are going through a trial or a triumph right this moment, know that you have called this time into your life. Trials are opportunities to grow, to take a step back and honor God and your gift, to say - I will not allow anyone to misuse my gift. I will step out on faith and activate the power that God has given me! I will activate my greatness in every choice that I make. I will let go of the people who do not encourage my growth. And I will challenge myself to reach my maximum! And triumphs are moments to celebrate and to honor ourselves and our higher power by giving back.

I feel so much closer to my family and friends now than when I did at home and more than likely, it's because I am growing in my fearlessness. I am developing strength and vulnerability in a new way. Don't pacify your greatness for fear that you will be alone. You will never be alone! Not only do you have God, but you also have me.

Once you are given the gift that was purposed for you, the gift is perfect. Is there something nagging at you that you've always wanted to do but have never done? Will you take the first step and activate it? I've attached even more quotes for you. Be blessed and have a wonderful weekend.

Love Always,

Kristen Victoria

The 'Y=MX+B' Chronicles of Kris - 10.03.10

Good Morning Shining Stars!
I am so thankful to see the first Sunday of October. September was a full month - one of accomplishments, transition, and continued analysis. After many months of planning, I achieved quite a few major goals including launching my debut web series Sellout on http://www.visiontube.tv/, successfully executing the http://www.visiontube.tv/ launch event, finalizing the feature version of Sellout and sending it to the Cosby Writing Fellowship, and producing my reel - www.vimeo.com/kristenvcarter. It's a really awesome feeling to check off goals as 'done' and 'in progress.'

Even with hitting the goal list and checking it twice, the most humbling part isn't so much the success of reaching the goal, although it is a proud moment, but understanding the bigger picture. It takes a village to move mountains. It takes love, support, and guidance to cross one finish line and walk to another start line. It takes emotional and spiritual growth to achieve in the physical realm. Our physical accomplishments are only reflections of our continued spiritual work and inner-most progress. I have taken a good, hard look at myself and just said, 'wow.' At the most financially challenging point of my life thus far, I am most creatively open. I thought last year was transitional, hmph, but I was just being prepared for the many changes of this year. This has been a phenomenal year because I was prepared for it. I was weight training so that my spirit could remain a little stronger, I could love a little harder despite what situations I face, and I could walk more confidently through the rain and the sunny days.

I hope the same for you. I hope that my weekly ramblings are received in the spirit in which they are written. If I want you to internalize anything, it's to step out on faith and let the miracle happen. It's to trust ourselves more and walk in the light and love that we are...we are bright beams of light, placed here to impact this world in various ways...if we only believed in the gifts and talents that we instinctively possess...

So, does anyone remember the Straight Line equation aka the Slope-Intercept Form? Last week, I substitute taught at a Public School and my Math student asked me about the 'M' in the equation. What does that mean? Although I haven't touched this equation in over 8 years, it all came back to me in a second. 'M' refers to the slope of a line, more specifically the rise (vertical growth) and the run (horizontal growth) of a line. I explained the entire equation to her and immediately thought about personal growth. When we focus upward and onward, we soar. When we challenge ourselves physically and spiritually, we mature. The maturity is so evident that people can see our exponential growth. They can see that we are rising and running, as opposed to remaining stagnant. Is your life on slope? What are you doing to rise and run so that your lifeline continues to grow?

At this moment in my life, I am (as I said in the last Chronicles) focused on the following - I am a patient person who is always on time. I will add another line to this. I am a forgiving person who sees the good but is aware of the other elements of life. My intention is happiness. My intention is understanding. To get to my greater good, I must be more accepting of people, I must be less judgmental and more open to the world WHILE still remaining clear on what I will and will not accept in my life.

I had a really interesting week. My emotions were all over the place as I observed various situations for what they are and observed my instinctive reactions to them. Very rarely are my emotions scattered but it's not a coincidence that I faced these challenges as I celebrated one of the biggest accomplishments of my creative life thus far. So here are a few challenges - I am not happy when people want me to understand them but could care less to understand me. I am not happy with the state of the Black community (more specifically the Black family and male/female relationships). I am not happy when people waste my time and their own, when people take my kindness for weakness, and when people don't realize you (just like I) can be replaced so stop acting up! (Within the last two weeks, I have a new found appreciation for Beyonce's Irreplaceable AKA To the Left. I hated that song two years ago.)

However, I am happy when I can stay calm a day longer. I am happy when I can take a moment to reflect and try to see the lesson in a situation. I am happy to be challenged because without obstacles, I will not grow. I am happy to be at the helm of a burgeoning production as I prepare for bigger experiences. I am happy to learn and exhibit self-control during a chaotic time. I am happy to be a better me. I am happy to be happy in this moment because I control my happiness. Balancing the different emotions and circumstances of life is a juggling act but we can do it!

I will not learn to rise and run if I don't stay focused on the exponential growth. So although I was emotionally tried this past week, I am happy to learn, grow, and transform into my best self. Where's Oprah? I want a hug! Actually, I seriously do want a hug. :)

I love you all.

XOXO,
Kristen Victoria

The ‘Ground Rules’ Chronicles of Kris – 09.17.10

Happy Friday!
I am wide awake, patiently waiting for The Cosby Show on Nick at Nite. I can't believe the programming department has limited Claire and Cliff to one hour a night! I don't want to watch The Nanny or Family Matters. This is a travesty and the main cause of decreasingly insomniatic habits.

Let's get right to it. Recently, a family member of mine (close in title/role/name, but not so close in actual relationship) has been contacting me incessantly. (S)he has been extremely persistant about my participation in a professional project. Although I do reply to his/her emails to offer minimal advice, I am not interested in doing business with this person at all. In my eyes, we can barely handle our personal relationship, let alone money politics. I don't know what's more agrivating - not hearing from someone at all or only hearing from them when their hand is out. This pattern became very obvious to me a few weeks ago and after that revelation, 'something' told me to keep my mouth shut while I was experiencing it. 'Don't react, don't mention the situation to anyone, and don't analyze it. Make no judgments and just give it some time.' The person called me that weekend and said (s)he just wanted to say hello. I really appreciated the call and at that time, (s)he asked that I partner on the project. It wasn't a pressuring ask so I said I would give it some thought. I am going to eventually say no, according to Kristen 2010. Maybe that'll change in 2011. *shrug* When I got off the phone, I thought of a few things.

We're two people, coming from two points of reference, who do seem to want the same end result - a growing communication level and relationship. However, we have very different (and somewhat conflicting) modes of operation. Through the years, I've fought about the M.O. as opposed to focusing on the end result. Wait, I'm being too nice. Quite frankly, it is very hard to be the bigger person when you feel that person should try to look at the entire picture. So, as the weeks go by with emails and asks, I am growing in my use of the word NO with a pleasant tone. I am learning to say HOLD ON, WAIT A MINUTE, GIVE ME A SECOND, I AM NOT INTERESTED. And I am loving it.

I am learning the power of acceptance and self-control. I am learning to see people for who they are in this moment as opposed to referring to the past or getting emotional because they don't understand where I am coming from. This kind of growth feels so good. By controlling our emotional responses, we show people how to treat us. I will not be overly emotional. I will not pick a fight but I am also not going to be used. So I will pick up the phone when I feel like it and I will answer emails when I get to it. And you will respect that because I am respectful when standing my ground. If I feel like chiming through or not chiming through, I will follow my instinct because I am determined to only do things that make me feel good.

Maybe I am experiencing this to really internalize that it is necessary to set boundaries with those we come in contact with in any relationship. I have developed the following mantra - I AM A PATIENT PERSON WHO IS ALWAYS ON TIME. AHEM. I AM A PATIENT PERSON WHO IS ALWAYS ON TIME. In order to get to the next level, I must challenge myself to be better when I know I 'get it.' I must not react to old emotional triggers because there are new, more mature ones. 'Try to work on my patience' has been on my yearly goal list for over 10 years but I never mastered it. But I've come to acknowledge that I was trying and not doing; I was saying it but definitely didn't act on it. By trying, I was giving myself the option to give up and do what was natural for my old self.

It's a new season, a time to reinvent ourselves and get rid of old ways and baggage that aren't producing positive and happy results. Who's ready to move onto the next and set some ground rules?

XOXO,
Kristen Victoria

The 'Visiontube.tv' Chronicles of Kris - 09.07.10

Good Morning!
I hope you had a great, non-laboring weekend. I'm sleepy but not without good reason and great things to do today! I woke up with our family on my mind because it is with great excitement that I announce *the launch of visiontube.tv.*

Visiontube.tv has been in the oven for quite some time and we cannot wait to unleash the projects that have been stirring in the pot. A few of you have been here since the beginning as I ran ideas by you, some came into the fold as I was brainstorming and beginning this journey, most of you were around as I started and stopped and started again, until the ball of energy rolled up to get these works off of the ground.

Thank you for your words of encouragement, your inquiries about 'When will see your work?' even when I wasn't quite sure, and your friendship for seeing me through to this stage. Family comes first so you all are receiving the first visiontube.tv blast ever. Get excited...LOL. (A few of you may receive this information again later in the day.)

There's more to come. Thank you for your support!

******
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

THE LAUNCH OF VISIONTUBE.TV –
A NEW DESTINATION FOR ORIGINAL WEB CONTENT

WEG Media Inc, JazziDreamer Entertainment LLC, and MarchWealth Media are proud to present the debut of visiontube.tv, an online channel dedicated to original programming. The official site launch is Thursday, September 30th!

Visiontube.tv is the brainchild of Emmy Award winner Charles E. Williams. Jr., who is also the founder of WEG Media Inc. He has partnered with Kristen V. Carter of JazziDreamer Entertainment LLC and La Shell Wooten of MarchWealth Media to create a slate of innovative programs which include scripted, reality, and talk formats for the Fall 2010 - Winter 2011 season.

The first release on the visiontube.tv slate is the dramatic web series entitled Sellout about a Harvard graduate who returns to his hometown of Harlem, New York after the death of his mother. Sellout marks the directorial debut of screenwriter Kristen V. Carter. The series stars Pierre Downing (BET’s Harlem Heights), Kimberly Holloway (Duane Reade’s ad campaign), Matthew Jenifer (better known as lyricist SahRil), and Kristine John (Tony Clomax’s 12 Steps to Recovery). Sellout launches on Thursday, September 30th and will premiere a new episode every Thursday.

Visiontube.tv will continue into October 2010 with a premiere lineup of programs which includes the talk show Journey into Manhood: A Conversation. This series features a group of men challenging the current state of relationships, family, and education. Journey into Manhood: A Conversation is a prequel to director/producer Charles E. Williams, Jr.’s rivoting documentary Journey into Manhood, which asks the question ‘What Is A Man?’

Screenwriter La Shell Wooten will debut the web series Slipknot, a family drama about a divorcing couple who is struggling to keep their family intact. The series features an ensemble cast including Anthony Laurent (Third Eye Productions’ Jackpot), Vanessa Evans (director, Talking Drum Theatre Arts Program), and Marjuan Canady (Sepia Works' Girls! Girls? Girls). Slipknot, directed by La Shell Wooten, will launch in December 2010.

Visiontube.tv is a premiere destination for original programming addressing contemporary issues. Stay tuned for updates on new content and partnerships throughout the coming season! For media inquiries and information on the company, contact Kristen V. Carter at kcarter@visiontube.tv.

‘We are what you watch.’

The 'Workout Plan' Chronicles of Kris - 09.01.10

Good Morning September!
Ah man, Summer is officially turning into Fall. I'm not too happy about having to switch out my wardrobe but Summer has been very good to me. Good enough that I don't mind being passed along to the next season.

This past weekend, my mom, uncle, and I road tripped to Georgia to surprise my grandmother and my great-grandmother. I'm so happy that we were able to sneak up on Nana for an early birthday surprise, as her big 7-0 falls on September 7th. Amidst the family fun, a 'down home' fish fry, and Scrabble challenge against Mom (my great-grandmother) and Mommy, I was able to do some reflecting. I mean, when am I not reflecting? It's just what I do! No matter how short a visit, I am always able to hear my great-great grandmother Granny's voice in a very special moment.

As I was brushing my teeth at 5:45a on Monday morning and preparing to leave Newton, I started thinking about a conversation I had with a good friend of mine last week. In that convo, he expressed how shocked he was that I've always been shy of a 'relationship.' Not by situation but by title. I've managed to like alot of people, maybe even love a few but we've never really seriously been together enough for stamps or proclamations to the world. And just when I'm feeling confident enough to mention something, the situation fizzles or disappears. He told me that he felt that I am being 'saved' because there's obviously something great and filled with awesomeness. 'I can't understand why you would be exempt from relationships or ahem, complete heartbreak, so that's the best way to sum it up. You've never doubted being able to be happy with someone. You've never been down about it so when that time comes, it's gonna be amazing and you're gonna beam brighter than the sun.'

We spoke for another hour or so about it all and whether he knew it or not, he really eased alot of my frustration. I speak candidly and comically about dating because it feels like one big joke sometimes. But through all the laughter, there's a ton of learning and observing that I've done and I suppose that's all I can ask for. Learning of oneself. But there's always a nagging wondering - why does it seem so easy for someone to walk away from me?

As I washed my face at 5:48a on Monday morning, a voice just came to me. 'You've always felt like men run away from you, but they're actually getting out of the way. Although you may think you want them around, they're getting out of the way so that they aren't blocking what they (and you) know you want and deserve.' I kinda looked around because the voice was so distinct and LOUD. I could not pretend I didn't hear it. I just smiled because that's the kind of resolve I really needed, and I really hadn't thought of it like that.

I have always thought, 'I'm too much but I can't help it. Maybe if I dim my light a little bit, I won't be so blinding. As spoiled as I act with family and friends, I'm really not demanding in dating. Maybe I'm not demanding enough so I'm accepting tomfoolery.' All of these thoughts have been jumbled in my head for a while. But that powerful statement Granny made has kicked around in my head for the last 53 hours or so.

And you know what - if Granny says it, it's true. LOL. More seriously, if my heart says it, it's true. If I (and some of you) can really relate and absorb that, then it's done. I'm not surprised I've made peace and provided a few emotional closures for myself in this short time because those words are ringing in my head. They're sinking in and making sense to me in a way I probably wouldn't have understood if I was given the same wisdom at a different point in my life.

Things always work out, not the way we mapped out but always as they should. Let's just walk along the journey. My goal continues to to be that of 'Have more patience with myself and others.' So far, I'm making some headway. Of course from my impatient side, I haven't made enough progress...but I am getting there. :)

HAPPY SEPTEMBER EVERYBODY! LOVE AND HUGS ALL AROUND. XOXO TO THE FRIENDLY NEIGHBORHOOD. BASK IN THE GLORY OF YOUR LIFE :)

I am happy to be here in this moment.

Love Always,
Kristen Victoria

The ‘One In A Million’ Chronicles of Kris – 08.25.10

Good Morning All!
I cannot believe how the heavens have opened up this week! I am solar-powered so my productivity runneth a bit low but I'm feeling good, feeling great...feeling great, feeling good, how are you?

Today marks the 9th anniversary of R&B singer Aaliyah's passing. Although I never proclaimed myself a huge fan in the 90s, I really did follow her career through the years and I've continued to celebrate her life and music as I've gotten older. She seemed to be somewhat of a quiet storm, one who blazed trails without having to craft a life made perfectly for PR campaigns. I wonder how she would have dealt with the overly-exposed pop world of today. I venture to say she would have been the youth's Sade, one who dips in and out of the spotlight but always does it with grace.

Aaliyah was one of the first artists of the 90s generation to endorse a brand (Tommy Hilfiger) and move into film. When I listen to her music, I realize just how ahead of her time she was. She may not have had the best voice or the hottest track out, but she had a strong presence in the industry and a voice that continues to be heard. Aaliyah's influence can be seen mostly in Rihanna and Ciara's styles, although I'm no longer impressed with their overall imaging now that they are huge celebrities.

It's interesting to witness how the lives of Aaliyah, Brandy, and Monica panned out. All of them are/were normal girls who just had extraordinary talent. I never knew all I wanted to know about them but as their lives have played out, we've seen the humanity in them - the growth, the heartbreak, the family ties or woes, the transitions, etc. In this day and age of music, the artists are so different. Everything is for show. Nothing is sacred. (Although I love Beyonce, I kinda wanna see her make a mistake. Even just a small one, just to show us that she's not a robot.)

In different ways, Aaliyah, Brandy, and Monica were my r&b heroes. Although Brandy was my ultimate #1 because she was the brown-skinned Cover Girl, I was pretty obsessed with Aaliyah's style; I never understood how she could be so cool ALL the time. I also loved the way she handled herself around the Super Friends - Ginuwine, Missy, Timbaland, & Playa.

Now that Aaliyah has transitioned, I am very happy that she was not around to be a part of the R. Kelly scandals. That would have been the worst. But I am most thankful that her music was pure and she seemed to really love the artistry, as opposed to the exposure. It was very nice to have an around the way girl just dancing and singing because it was a passion.

It'd be nice to see that again but we may never witness that kind of authenticity in pop culture again. Aaliyah is one in a million!