Happy Friday!
I am wide awake, patiently waiting for The Cosby Show on Nick at Nite. I can't believe the programming department has limited Claire and Cliff to one hour a night! I don't want to watch The Nanny or Family Matters. This is a travesty and the main cause of decreasingly insomniatic habits.
Let's get right to it. Recently, a family member of mine (close in title/role/name, but not so close in actual relationship) has been contacting me incessantly. (S)he has been extremely persistant about my participation in a professional project. Although I do reply to his/her emails to offer minimal advice, I am not interested in doing business with this person at all. In my eyes, we can barely handle our personal relationship, let alone money politics. I don't know what's more agrivating - not hearing from someone at all or only hearing from them when their hand is out. This pattern became very obvious to me a few weeks ago and after that revelation, 'something' told me to keep my mouth shut while I was experiencing it. 'Don't react, don't mention the situation to anyone, and don't analyze it. Make no judgments and just give it some time.' The person called me that weekend and said (s)he just wanted to say hello. I really appreciated the call and at that time, (s)he asked that I partner on the project. It wasn't a pressuring ask so I said I would give it some thought. I am going to eventually say no, according to Kristen 2010. Maybe that'll change in 2011. *shrug* When I got off the phone, I thought of a few things.
We're two people, coming from two points of reference, who do seem to want the same end result - a growing communication level and relationship. However, we have very different (and somewhat conflicting) modes of operation. Through the years, I've fought about the M.O. as opposed to focusing on the end result. Wait, I'm being too nice. Quite frankly, it is very hard to be the bigger person when you feel that person should try to look at the entire picture. So, as the weeks go by with emails and asks, I am growing in my use of the word NO with a pleasant tone. I am learning to say HOLD ON, WAIT A MINUTE, GIVE ME A SECOND, I AM NOT INTERESTED. And I am loving it.
I am learning the power of acceptance and self-control. I am learning to see people for who they are in this moment as opposed to referring to the past or getting emotional because they don't understand where I am coming from. This kind of growth feels so good. By controlling our emotional responses, we show people how to treat us. I will not be overly emotional. I will not pick a fight but I am also not going to be used. So I will pick up the phone when I feel like it and I will answer emails when I get to it. And you will respect that because I am respectful when standing my ground. If I feel like chiming through or not chiming through, I will follow my instinct because I am determined to only do things that make me feel good.
Maybe I am experiencing this to really internalize that it is necessary to set boundaries with those we come in contact with in any relationship. I have developed the following mantra - I AM A PATIENT PERSON WHO IS ALWAYS ON TIME. AHEM. I AM A PATIENT PERSON WHO IS ALWAYS ON TIME. In order to get to the next level, I must challenge myself to be better when I know I 'get it.' I must not react to old emotional triggers because there are new, more mature ones. 'Try to work on my patience' has been on my yearly goal list for over 10 years but I never mastered it. But I've come to acknowledge that I was trying and not doing; I was saying it but definitely didn't act on it. By trying, I was giving myself the option to give up and do what was natural for my old self.
It's a new season, a time to reinvent ourselves and get rid of old ways and baggage that aren't producing positive and happy results. Who's ready to move onto the next and set some ground rules?
XOXO,
Kristen Victoria
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment