Happy Friday!
I hope this reaches everyone in great spirits. The holiday season is one of reflection and reunion, but can also be a time of hardship and heavy hearts. It is my sincere hope that you all feel loved, appreciated, and supported all year round. I am sending positive energy, health, happiness, creativity and joy to each of you.
We are 13 days away from 2010!!! A new beginning, a fresh start, a kick in the heineken and I LOVE IT. My dream sheet has been fine-tuned into a precise goal list, and I'm ready to just bust through the '10 wall. I've had many conversations with my 2009, and I am very happy that we have come to a place of harmony and understanding. It took us a good minute but I have worked with 2009 to resolve any feelings of uncertainty, confusion, and hostility. It is my pleasure to hug it out with 2009 and salute the year with a smile.
Recently, 2009 sat down with me and explained itself. It said, "You are a beautiful bird, and the time has come for you to spread your wings and fly. But if you have never used your wings to soar, we must stretch and prepare them. That preparation can leave you feeling sore and uncomfortable because you've never used your wings before. These are foreign movements. You may want to lay down because the stretching hurts so much, but you've already started the workout so it's best that you struggle through it. You've gotten stronger and stronger but instead of focusing on the growth, you focused on the pain. You told me your wings looked and felt different. You said you didn't fit in with the baby birds and they made fun of your black and blue wings. You wanted to look, feel and act as you did in the past. You questioned if you should get back in the nest with the other baby birds, but it was too late. You had already opened your mouth and expressed to me that you wanted to fly. I'm going to see to it that you learn how to fly with ease, grace, and most importantly, the feeling of freedom. Once you become comfortable with our training, you will feel more willing to fly alone, and then you'll grow into comfort and finally confidence. This is the only way we can fly. We have to learn."
I looked at 2009 and cried, but this time I cried happy tears. Through my training process, I never thought of 2009 as a mentor. I saw him/her as an enemy, someone trying to push me off the edge or drown me. I felt nervous and offended. "Why can't I just get my footing? Why won't you LEAVE ME ALONE! I don't want to do this anymore." But 2009 never left my side. Whenever I felt my wings flapping frantically, 2009 put me on his/her back for a moment until I gathered my bearings. I didn't like when he/she put me right back on that cliff but each time I opened my wings, I stayed in the air a little longer.
2009, you've trained me well. You've forced me to face my fears. You caused me look at my wings and understand I am equipped to fly. I have the necessary tools for magnificent flight. You have prepared me for flight but I must decide if I will soar. I thank you for this challenge and I love you for it.
*
This is a year I will never forget. A full year of firsts - unemployment, writer's block, heartburn, facing my personal & professional insecurities, producers' interest followed by lack of follow-through to meeting almost every producer I've ever wanted to meet, pitching at my first festival, planning my family reunion, staying with my father for the first time, pitching my material, solidifying my creative team, casting my projects, and opening my heart to opportunities to grow, love, relate, collaborate, and discover my purpose on this planet. Wow! 2009, you turned my world upside down. I hope that I have done you proud. I will take your lessons and meet 2010 with wide eyes and my heart open. And yes I know, 2010 won't allow me to hold its hand but hopefully he/she'll have a sturdy back in case I need to jump up there for a moment! :)
Thank you for everything.
Love Always,
Kristen Victoria
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