I'm a self-proclaimed late bloomer with hundreds of stories about crushes and people I loved to like. Some of my tales are actually too embarassing to write but here are a few of my fav truths that don't make me blush (as much) anymore. :)
4 - My grandmother and my childhood crush have the same initials. I begged my Nana for her gold ring that had her initials in them for months. I never really told her why, and I don't remember the excuse I gave her. But finally she let me 'have' the ring and I wore it proudly. Finally, during class, my crush grabbed my hand and stared at the ring. He said lovingly (because of course I thought he liked me too lol), 'what do those initials stand for?' I think I batted my eyes and said something like 'you know what they stand for' and ran off. (Now, I'm not sure if this freaked him out but it sure as hell would freak me out for a 9 year old friend to have a KC ring on his finger. LOL)
3 - One of my high school crushes was a family friend. He was the only boy allowed in my room. To this day, I think he knew full well that I had a crush on him but I was terribly shy. I remember him asking me for a massage and my hands literally trembled at the thought of touching his skin. He would come over and we'd play games, just very innocent. One day he fell asleep on my bed and on me and I literally could not breathe. Not because he was crushing me, but because HE WAS LAYING ON ME. Aaaaah! After about 15 minutes, he jumped up all of a sudden as if he was startled. I said, 'what happened?' His reply - 'Ummm...I'm getting too comfortable.' He got himself together. I asked him if he was ok and he said yes. He said he'd call me later and then he went through the front door. My mom was downstairs reading the paper so when I closed the door, she looked up at me. My face was beat red. She said, 'Sweetheart, what happened?' I said, 'I don't know' and burst into tears...
(My reaction reading this now: Poor baby! lol)
2 - I have a college friend who I thought was a divine one coming back to Earth. (Real talk. I think Michael Jackson was one of them as well.) He and I were friends, but I was inspired and intrigued and the whole bit. He's a lyricist so one night after hanging out, he decided to walk me back to my room. I was giggling and completely amused by whatever he was saying, and mentioned that I wanted to learn how to rap. He started breaking down his process and that I should think about things that rhyme. We went through a few little words that rhyme - time, dime, lime, etc. I thought for a second and we did a mini-cipher and I spit. It was great. I fell in love that night. 'Rap to me some more.' LOL
1 - When I was 16, I participated in a recruitment day for my scholarship program. It was held at my church and we were responsible for interviewing new candidates for the program. An admissions officer from a New England school came to the event. I think all the women at my church did the 'turn.' So the day goes by and the day comes to an end. Everyone's wrapping up and when he gets outside, his car is gone from the church parking lot. Apparently he had valuables in the backseat and someone broke in. All of my deaconesses look around like, 'I'm sorry for you but I gotta get home.' My mom turns and says, 'Well, you can come to our house and use the phone.' I THOUGHT I WOULD DIE! I vividly remember skating around my kitchen. There's a man in the house!!! And he's 24!!!We stayed up that night and he told us about his experience at a prestigious college. I probably exhaled 5 times right in front of him. Long story short, he did stay on the couch and traveled back to New England the next day. I was pretty silent for most of the day once we dropped him off at the train station. Finally, I asked - 'Mommy, when am I gonna have a guy like that?' My mom replied, 'He will come when you are ready...but you've got plenty of time for that, sweetheart.' I love my mommy...
So funny how you meet people...I'll never forget that. :)
Ok, I'm hungry. Time to grab some grub with my best friend and the fam. Enjoy your day!!!
Love & all that other...
KRIS
Sunday, February 14, 2010
The 'Greatest Love of All' Chronicles of Kris - 02.14.10
Ahh, good morning. I hope everyone's enjoying the long All-Star/Boo-Lovin Observance weekend. I partake in the All-Star portion of this but ya know, love's in the air no matter what day it is. Last night I watched Love Jones for the 8723rd time in my life, even though it felt like the first. It's funny how certain messages hit home although you've been surrounded by them forever...you don't really catch the truth in anything until you're truly ready for it.
So this morning, I journaled to myself for the first time in a few weeks. I write for various reasons everyday but I finally allowed that quiet time to be completely free-flowing and nonjudgemental of my thoughts. 'Self' has been whispering that I needed to shut up & write, because I recently unleashed my ego and allowed her to run her mouth like wildfire & show her ugly lil' head! I haven't done that in quite a while so it was definitely time to regroup and process my greatness of spirit versus my weakness of flesh. It's funny how I let go of my strength at what felt like a weak moment where I was unsure of myself. (That's backwards I know. Why do we do that to ourselves?)
My overall goal this year is to be more intuitive and decisive, yet I've done a poor job of staying aligned with this goal recently. It's easy to say, do, and act our best when we feel at our best personally & professionally but when we question ourselves, sometimes the bottom falls out OR we pull it from under our own feet and blame other things. Sometimes we cry over spilled milk when it's been sour and should have been mopped up already. At this point, all I can think about is the quintessential phrase 'keep it movin son' but what happens when you just don't wanna move? You get stuck in a rut (probably all by your damn self lol)...so I have to refocus and realize - I'm just living out my lessons.
I am at my greatest with my pen. I feel love & connection in that. I feel the boundlessness of who I am and who I was created to be. I feel the 'heart to heart' connection that I sometimes wish I felt in 'face to face' interaction. This is the place I call home.
So why do I allow myself to feel like a stranger at times? Because in my attempt to be 'right,' I lose my righteousness. In my attempt to prove my point, I step away from things that deserve my greatest energy & focus. It's funny how when I experience discord, I can feel the physical & spiritual split. (I've actually always sensed this, but never quite in these terms.) The part of me that's offended versus the part of me that's merely observing life and taking notes. The part of me that harbors fears of lonliness versus the part of me that knows I'm never alone...ever.
So it's a new year again. My goal is for two to remain one. When I'm feeling all razzle dazzle frazzled, I must take it to the Source as opposed to fighting my own fears. And even after I press Send and go about my business for the day, I'll have to come back to this quiet place and remind myself that I don't ever have to do this thing called life on my own if I just listen...
...now that's love.
So this morning, I journaled to myself for the first time in a few weeks. I write for various reasons everyday but I finally allowed that quiet time to be completely free-flowing and nonjudgemental of my thoughts. 'Self' has been whispering that I needed to shut up & write, because I recently unleashed my ego and allowed her to run her mouth like wildfire & show her ugly lil' head! I haven't done that in quite a while so it was definitely time to regroup and process my greatness of spirit versus my weakness of flesh. It's funny how I let go of my strength at what felt like a weak moment where I was unsure of myself. (That's backwards I know. Why do we do that to ourselves?)
My overall goal this year is to be more intuitive and decisive, yet I've done a poor job of staying aligned with this goal recently. It's easy to say, do, and act our best when we feel at our best personally & professionally but when we question ourselves, sometimes the bottom falls out OR we pull it from under our own feet and blame other things. Sometimes we cry over spilled milk when it's been sour and should have been mopped up already. At this point, all I can think about is the quintessential phrase 'keep it movin son' but what happens when you just don't wanna move? You get stuck in a rut (probably all by your damn self lol)...so I have to refocus and realize - I'm just living out my lessons.
I am at my greatest with my pen. I feel love & connection in that. I feel the boundlessness of who I am and who I was created to be. I feel the 'heart to heart' connection that I sometimes wish I felt in 'face to face' interaction. This is the place I call home.
So why do I allow myself to feel like a stranger at times? Because in my attempt to be 'right,' I lose my righteousness. In my attempt to prove my point, I step away from things that deserve my greatest energy & focus. It's funny how when I experience discord, I can feel the physical & spiritual split. (I've actually always sensed this, but never quite in these terms.) The part of me that's offended versus the part of me that's merely observing life and taking notes. The part of me that harbors fears of lonliness versus the part of me that knows I'm never alone...ever.
So it's a new year again. My goal is for two to remain one. When I'm feeling all razzle dazzle frazzled, I must take it to the Source as opposed to fighting my own fears. And even after I press Send and go about my business for the day, I'll have to come back to this quiet place and remind myself that I don't ever have to do this thing called life on my own if I just listen...
...now that's love.
Friday, February 5, 2010
The 'Love Song' Chronicles of Kris - 02.06.10
I'm most honest with myself when I write, which is why I'm constantly scribbling. I generally write four Chronicles a week in my head but sit down to pen one, if any at all. My emotions have been topsy turvy within the last seven days. Thankfully, I've had creativity to distract me - with full-time work & independent projects stealing most of the minutes in my day, it doesn't leave too much idle time for me to ponder about moments past. And thank the good Lord for that! However, in between takes, there's this faint voice telling me that I need to sit down and meditate or at least write. So here goes...
This morning I hit a milestone. I listened to Eric Roberson. Yes. For the first time in months. This time last year, I had just discovered his music and purchased all of his albums but it wasn't long before he was torn away from me. Or I gave him away. We had to break up...well because...other things had broken up. After crying to him on more than a few occasions, I couldn't bear to listen to any of his songs.
Don't you hate when that happens?! When great music becomes tainted by experience? You mistakenly create a soundtrack that leaves your record collection all screwed up. It's almost like robbery; a situation goes South and then all of a sudden your favorite songs become kill joys, stained by imperfection.
All music has some sort of stamp on it. We associate people, places, periods in our lives with melody. One of my all-time favorite songs 'Septembro' was introduced to me sixteen years ago in dance class, and I always reflect on those times in rehearsal and how much that song touched me as a 9 year old. I remember associating Mandy Moore's 'I Wanna Be With You' & Beenie Man's 'Girls Dem Sugar' to a high school crush. And Anthony Anderson's 'Charlene' to an awful kiss in college. LOL But I digress...
Here recently, I went through another transition and found a few songs caught in the middle. Of course, I do reflect on moments...but I decided to fight back and continue singing my song. I am not letting these tunes go up in flames over one moment in my life! It's just not gonna happen. These songs are too special to me. This is MY playlist and I'm not gonna allow anything to come between me and my music! My song selections aren't gonna be ruined just because a situation has run its course.
I didn't even realize I had changed my way of thinking and 'put my headphones on' until Eric Roberson showed up on my iPod. I paused for a second and then thought, 'Wow, when's the last time I heard this song?' I chuckled because I remembered right away - there I was, sitting in my bed, a hot, bubblin mess wiping my eyes with the back of my hand like a little kid who just got pushed by the class bully. Waaa waaa...ya'll know the growing pains...
Eric came back to me and my listening this morning was effortless. I guess it was to show me that I could literally face the music, face my past, and create a new present and future with the music I love. Although I'm telling this story for dramatic effect (lol), I really had shut his music out of my catalog and just shook my head with regret. But tonight I am currently reacquainting myself to his albums and am happy that I have him back. He won't be walking out of the door with the next dj such and such. Whether it's peaches & herb all day long or not, no one is taking my song. End of story.
This morning I hit a milestone. I listened to Eric Roberson. Yes. For the first time in months. This time last year, I had just discovered his music and purchased all of his albums but it wasn't long before he was torn away from me. Or I gave him away. We had to break up...well because...other things had broken up. After crying to him on more than a few occasions, I couldn't bear to listen to any of his songs.
Don't you hate when that happens?! When great music becomes tainted by experience? You mistakenly create a soundtrack that leaves your record collection all screwed up. It's almost like robbery; a situation goes South and then all of a sudden your favorite songs become kill joys, stained by imperfection.
All music has some sort of stamp on it. We associate people, places, periods in our lives with melody. One of my all-time favorite songs 'Septembro' was introduced to me sixteen years ago in dance class, and I always reflect on those times in rehearsal and how much that song touched me as a 9 year old. I remember associating Mandy Moore's 'I Wanna Be With You' & Beenie Man's 'Girls Dem Sugar' to a high school crush. And Anthony Anderson's 'Charlene' to an awful kiss in college. LOL But I digress...
Here recently, I went through another transition and found a few songs caught in the middle. Of course, I do reflect on moments...but I decided to fight back and continue singing my song. I am not letting these tunes go up in flames over one moment in my life! It's just not gonna happen. These songs are too special to me. This is MY playlist and I'm not gonna allow anything to come between me and my music! My song selections aren't gonna be ruined just because a situation has run its course.
I didn't even realize I had changed my way of thinking and 'put my headphones on' until Eric Roberson showed up on my iPod. I paused for a second and then thought, 'Wow, when's the last time I heard this song?' I chuckled because I remembered right away - there I was, sitting in my bed, a hot, bubblin mess wiping my eyes with the back of my hand like a little kid who just got pushed by the class bully. Waaa waaa...ya'll know the growing pains...
Eric came back to me and my listening this morning was effortless. I guess it was to show me that I could literally face the music, face my past, and create a new present and future with the music I love. Although I'm telling this story for dramatic effect (lol), I really had shut his music out of my catalog and just shook my head with regret. But tonight I am currently reacquainting myself to his albums and am happy that I have him back. He won't be walking out of the door with the next dj such and such. Whether it's peaches & herb all day long or not, no one is taking my song. End of story.
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