Ahh, good morning. I hope everyone's enjoying the long All-Star/Boo-Lovin Observance weekend. I partake in the All-Star portion of this but ya know, love's in the air no matter what day it is. Last night I watched Love Jones for the 8723rd time in my life, even though it felt like the first. It's funny how certain messages hit home although you've been surrounded by them forever...you don't really catch the truth in anything until you're truly ready for it.
So this morning, I journaled to myself for the first time in a few weeks. I write for various reasons everyday but I finally allowed that quiet time to be completely free-flowing and nonjudgemental of my thoughts. 'Self' has been whispering that I needed to shut up & write, because I recently unleashed my ego and allowed her to run her mouth like wildfire & show her ugly lil' head! I haven't done that in quite a while so it was definitely time to regroup and process my greatness of spirit versus my weakness of flesh. It's funny how I let go of my strength at what felt like a weak moment where I was unsure of myself. (That's backwards I know. Why do we do that to ourselves?)
My overall goal this year is to be more intuitive and decisive, yet I've done a poor job of staying aligned with this goal recently. It's easy to say, do, and act our best when we feel at our best personally & professionally but when we question ourselves, sometimes the bottom falls out OR we pull it from under our own feet and blame other things. Sometimes we cry over spilled milk when it's been sour and should have been mopped up already. At this point, all I can think about is the quintessential phrase 'keep it movin son' but what happens when you just don't wanna move? You get stuck in a rut (probably all by your damn self lol)...so I have to refocus and realize - I'm just living out my lessons.
I am at my greatest with my pen. I feel love & connection in that. I feel the boundlessness of who I am and who I was created to be. I feel the 'heart to heart' connection that I sometimes wish I felt in 'face to face' interaction. This is the place I call home.
So why do I allow myself to feel like a stranger at times? Because in my attempt to be 'right,' I lose my righteousness. In my attempt to prove my point, I step away from things that deserve my greatest energy & focus. It's funny how when I experience discord, I can feel the physical & spiritual split. (I've actually always sensed this, but never quite in these terms.) The part of me that's offended versus the part of me that's merely observing life and taking notes. The part of me that harbors fears of lonliness versus the part of me that knows I'm never alone...ever.
So it's a new year again. My goal is for two to remain one. When I'm feeling all razzle dazzle frazzled, I must take it to the Source as opposed to fighting my own fears. And even after I press Send and go about my business for the day, I'll have to come back to this quiet place and remind myself that I don't ever have to do this thing called life on my own if I just listen...
...now that's love.
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