The 'Relating 101: It's A Man's World' Chronicles of Kris - 07.26.10

'It's tough being a woman cause at the end of the day, it's a man's world,' said my date. After almost two months of chatting, talking over the phone, and occasional outings, he decided to take me out to dinner. I've lost all zest for getting to know this guy in a romantic way but I do find him funny so I didn't mind going out to eat. But recently, I've been taken aback by his ways of thinking. He's recently expressed to me that women need to be ready, willing, and able to engage in whatever activity their man wants. However, when I asked him about things he does to please a woman on a variety of levels, he gave me a rundown of 'don'ts' when it comes to relating. Not only do I find this extremely selfish, I find it extremely laughable. My words: 'I am not the woman for you.' There is NO way that you are going to have full range of my friendship and already have limitations coming into any interactions with me. I asked him about his obvious double standards and he just shrugged his shoulders and kept on eating his dinner. 'It's tough out there for ya'll.' Although we don't fit in regards to desires in a relationship, I did enjoy the dinner mostly because as I've said recently, dating is an exercise. I feel like I'm being placed in a variety of crazy situations to test my self-confidence, my own security in my desires, and also just seeing what other perspectives are out here.

So onto the most hilarious part of the night...

When he dropped me off, he asked to park in my space. When he got out of the driver's side, I saw a little blue bag in his hand. I asked, 'What's that? I know that's not a travel bag in your hand!' He replied, 'Oh, I want to brush my teeth since we ate seafood.' Uh huh, whatever. I cannot believe that this guy really thought it was cool to whip out a travel bag. Why do you have a travel bag? We've gone out before and you have not whipped out your toothbrush and toothpaste. So clearly, this has worked for him sometime before! We're definitely not cool like that and if you thought something was going to happen, it sho' ain't happening now! Definitely not! (However, I was dying laughing at this.)

So when we got through my front door, I noticed he was taking off his dress shirt and I turned around. 'What do you think you're doing?,' I said again. He replied, 'I just wanted to get comfortable.' I just stared and chuckled at him. 'You can relax for an hour but you are not staying over.' Excuse me, what do you think this is?! When he finished brushing his teeth in the bathroom (ROTFLMAO), he sat down and told me that he liked how direct I was about letting him know not to get comfortable. He paused and then said, 'You've been telling me how dominating I am but really, you set the stage for the entire night. We sat outside because you wanted to, I turned the air conditioner off because you were cold, and I'll be going home and you had a good meal because you wanted that. You got everything you wanted in your own way.'

Well yea...I guess. But I mean, damn. This is my house! It is my world. Get right or get left. Get down or lay down!

We talked for a little while and then he got up and got ready to go. He said he wanted to see me again this week. I was pretty surprised because I made myself clear and our track record of getting together is few and far between. Oh well. Although pretty crass, I didn't take any of his actions to heart. If I had been in that situation in a previous season in my life, I would have made a big stink about it. 'How dare he show up with a travel bag? Was he just trying to do THAT and we've only gone out on a date once?' Uh, yes Kristen. Clearly.

But I think these randomly hilarious moments aren't showing me the game, but they are showing me myself. I am still laughing over the complete story. You'll have to call me for that. Some of those details can't quite make air without me crying from absolute hilarity! I am convinced I am not the only person going through these absolutely ridiculous scenarios.

XOXO,

Kris

The 'Summer Love Everlasting' Chronicles of Kris - 07.17.10

Good Morning Family!

We are halfway through my favorite month - July, oh July! I love it because it's intensely hot and people do crazy things in the heat. Actually, people do real things in extreme conditions and I just marvel at seeing the truth come out. I have already jumped into a few 'out of pocket' moments and those 'WTF' (what the eff) experiences are the best! It's like looking down over the cliff and wondering, 'Is it safe to bungee jump? Will I have the time of my life OR the last time of my life? Well...here goes nothing or everything!' This summer I've devoted myself to doing one thing that scares me everyday and/or trying something I've never done before. And every time, there's that initial moment of fear or thought of doubt that plagues my mind. But then, I close my eyes, take a step, hit send, or lift my voice. And it ALWAYS works out. I walk into what I think is the fountain of love that keeps us moving and the world turning...

I've spent the last few months inhaling books and journaling in my mind. The time that I've taken to listen, as much as sharing, has been a great blessing. Continually, I've been drawn to one theme - 'love versus fear.' The art of allowing versus resistance, the art of flowing versus restriction, responding with your heart versus speaking with your ego - it's all the exact same thing that keeps coming around. I am so thankful for these love lessons because it means I am ready for them. We only get what we're ready to receive.

In May/June, I was approached with several offers out of the blue - various interviews, auditions, dates, living arrangements, and even a game show - WHEEL OF FORTUNE! (Can I get a whoop whoop?!? I made it through the final round!!!) I considered every single opportunity and played out various scenarios of how my life would change or how a situation would enhance my current situation. However, one experience in particular has really set a new tone for this time. While considering a new opportunity, I openly expressed my interest but said I needed a few days to thoroughly weigh my options before accepting anything. Now most times, I jump at new things. I'm very excited and ready for the next - because if it weren't for me, it wouldn't come my way - but this time, I stood still for a moment. I said let me catch my breath before I run off into no man's land. Instead of looking at all I'd be gaining, I reflected on what I have now in this moment. All that I'm learning, all that I'm laughing about, all that I'm inspired by...right where I am standing right now. It didn't take me long to acknowledge that I'm good. I'm happy.

I decided not to move forward with the opportunity for various reasons but mostly because I have more to observe and offer here. And within days of making that decision, it feels like the world just opened up. I started to receive what I felt was coming to me - more growth, more opportunity to be who I am and share more of myself. I'm so thankful for this time.

I say all this to say - I spend alot of time analyzing and figuring things out. I wonder what's gonna happen, what's the next step, how can I avoid pain to get to pleasure, typing and sometimes yelling, 'wait wait wait let me just talk to you RIGHT NOW cause I have to get this out right now' all exasperated-like...and really -

pause, *deep breath* and a moment to recite Whitley's 'Relax, Relate, Release'

I am looking around at the beauty of the here and now and I can say, it is ALL to the good! I think those Michael Jackson parties last month really got to me. I just let the spirit and Thriller move me and I ended up with a crick in my neck first thing Monday morning. :)

Continue to let your hearts speak, let love walk you through the journey, spend at least 10 minutes a day in your silence, and we'll be alright.

I love you all so much,

Kristen Victoria

P.S. If you need a good read, pick up Marianne Williamson's A Return to Love.

P.P.S. I'm such a geek. I wanted to relate today's Chronicles to Wheel of Fortune so badly and then I was like OMG, I can do a 'Before and After' category with this one. Who knows what 'Before and After' even means in Wheel of Fortune? :)

The ‘NST: Natural Standard Time’ Chronicles of Kris – 07.13.10

Good Afternoon Family,

I meant to send this note a few days ago but I got caught up doing everything or maybe, nothing at all.

Within the past few months, I’ve had some really quirky dates. From meeting someone who literally passed out in front of me to someone who asked me to score our outing, it’s just been plain awkward. There have been a few normal souls and because of their normalcy, they actually seemed exceptional. But a breath of fresh air should feel like a nice merry go round, not a regular walk down the block. But for whatever reason, people just don’t act like they have good sense. I’ve been holding most of the hilarity from the Chronicles and throwing it into an outline for my next fun project. What’s a great summer without a short film to walk with into the Fall!

When outings go sour or things just get a little crazy, I’ve learned to repeat to myself, ‘Dating is an exercise, I am just strengthening my muscle. I am just strengthening my muscle.’ I don’t really get this whole dating/courtship thing but I imagine I’ll continue to keep going and not get it until eventually, some light bulb will come on. Or maybe no light bulb will come on. scratches head, kanye shrug

Wait, wait – let me backtrack. I’ve never really truly dated just to go out and meet new people. I’ve always gone out and kinda (without realizing) selected someone. Insert Chris Rock quote – ‘I want HIM.’ I’m sure there are a few reasons why that’s so automatic so I’m consciously working on that, realizing that we’re all a work in progress. Just because I want him, doesn’t mean he wants me now or at all. And I can’t nice someone into liking me. And I dog on sure can’t make it seem like I understand just so he’ll vent to me and make me the ‘go to’ counselor. So I will get out there and get more comfortable with myself and with others because that's why this time is here.

This level of experience, as opposed to agonizing analogy, is cool. I mean, I think I’d beat a broken record by expounding on the fact that our modes of communication aren’t really communication. As much as I love Twitter and Facebook for idle chatting during the day, a poke or a Direct Message hardly qualifies for special attention. So, how does this next generation of 20-something communicators thrive in an environment where we text instead of talk and retweet as opposed to write letters?

I’ll get back to you on that. All I do know is that the answers will only appear as I continue to live the questions. And most definitely, this and all else will happen in its own time.

Ahh, and what do we have here. A text message that reads, 'That's how you know a date was bad, no further contact afterward.' This was written by someone I went on an outing with over 5 weeks ago and never spoke to again. Sigh...shaking my head...Why?!?

‘Dating is an exercise, I am just strengthening my muscle. I am just strengthening my muscle.’

Workin' Day & Night,

Kristen Victoria

The 'Essence Music Festival 2000' Chronicles of Kris - 07.05.10

Hey Family,

Happy Independence Day Weekend. I don't usually celebrate this particular holiday with a full weekend itinerary, but thankfully I did this year. On Saturday, I attended Brooklyn Museum's First Saturdays event for the first time ever and if you're in the NYC area, I suggest you check out the next one in August. Beautiful people of all shades - it is THE place to be if you wanna chill, listen to music, and meet some good folk. On Sunday, I had the pleasure of soaking in the sun on the water...I went boating in honor of a good friend's birthday and that was such a beautifully peaceful experience...aaaah! Shout out to chroniclers Patrice and Lance, who both rang in their respective born day(s) on the 4th of July!

On Friday, another chronicling friend Vernae texted me from the Essence Fest. Man, every year I say I want to go but always forget to plan a trip down there. During our short convo, I started reminiscing about the one and only time I traveled down there - I was 15 years old at the time and went down to Nawlins with my mom. If any of you ever decide to travel with my mother, you'll realize she likes to get into EVERYTHING. With her, it's not really a relaxed vacation. It's more like a checklist and the Essence Fest is her kind of party. The festival is full of seminars, booths, food samples, and concerts and back then, I was just tryna keep up. I was doing well - only nodding off slightly at seminars, agreeing to meet and greet with Billy Blanks & other authors, etc - until we got halfway through the weekend. After one of the concerts, we decided to go to an after-party. I remember standing in line with her, completely bug-eyed and nervous because I was so underage. I'm not sure if they let me in because I was tall and looked over 18 or because I was with another woman who was obviously over 21 and almost identical to me. But inside the party, I got my first taste of an older man flirting with me. I was two-stepping and here this bugger comes trying to get closer to me with every beat. 'Where are you from? Aaah, you can move.' I think paralysis set in with each question or comment and before I knew it, my mother yanked the back of my shirt. For whatever reason, I still gave a shy wave to the guy and breathed a sigh of relief that Jacquie Chavis pulled the Mommy card. On our way out, we took pictures with Robert Horry and went back to the hotel. By that time, it was 3am.

So, we went to a seminar the next day and I was pooped. I don't remember anything but cloudy vision and then changing clothes for the Luther Vandross concert. I was excited but I needed sleep...so I gave in to the Sandman's pleading and slept. The whole concert. Here we are in the 6th row and my head is bobbing back and forth. My mom nudges me, I jump up, snap my fingers for maybe 20 seconds, and nod off again. Then, a random guy asked if something was wrong or if I was sick. I said no, and went back to sleep. Apparently, my nodding was so bad that this man asked my mom if I was drugged. I missed most of that concert, although I did clap and scream when Luther shouted out the cue. :)

This was the first taste of night life and my first real bout with sleep deprivation. Fast forward to my graduation trip in 2006. My mom and I visited LA at the time and again, we had a pretty strict agenda. I held on until the very last day. We toured everywhere we could for a full seven days and that day, we took a trip to Disney World. After about an 1.5 hours of heat, I just had a moment. 'I can't take it anymore. It is too hot! I'm headed to the car.' LOL This outburst was followed by another declaration that 'I'm not going anywhere on our last night, I am tired and I want to relax.' (Love you, Mommy!)

10 years later after my first vacation - I can hang with the best of them BUT if I don't get at least 5 hours of sleep, I will be nodding off in any corner imaginable. I have passed out in diners, museums, anywhere that I can close my eyes! Thankfully, I was able to party this weekend, get sleep, play in the sun, and just nap for 5 minutes if need be. Honestly, I did fall asleep while waiting for dinner last night. Ahhh well...I AM still the energizer bunny!

Have a great week!

Life is our playground,

Kristen Victoria