We are halfway through my favorite month - July, oh July! I love it because it's intensely hot and people do crazy things in the heat. Actually, people do real things in extreme conditions and I just marvel at seeing the truth come out. I have already jumped into a few 'out of pocket' moments and those 'WTF' (what the eff) experiences are the best! It's like looking down over the cliff and wondering, 'Is it safe to bungee jump? Will I have the time of my life OR the last time of my life? Well...here goes nothing or everything!' This summer I've devoted myself to doing one thing that scares me everyday and/or trying something I've never done before. And every time, there's that initial moment of fear or thought of doubt that plagues my mind. But then, I close my eyes, take a step, hit send, or lift my voice. And it ALWAYS works out. I walk into what I think is the fountain of love that keeps us moving and the world turning...
I've spent the last few months inhaling books and journaling in my mind. The time that I've taken to listen, as much as sharing, has been a great blessing. Continually, I've been drawn to one theme - 'love versus fear.' The art of allowing versus resistance, the art of flowing versus restriction, responding with your heart versus speaking with your ego - it's all the exact same thing that keeps coming around. I am so thankful for these love lessons because it means I am ready for them. We only get what we're ready to receive.
In May/June, I was approached with several offers out of the blue - various interviews, auditions, dates, living arrangements, and even a game show - WHEEL OF FORTUNE! (Can I get a whoop whoop?!? I made it through the final round!!!) I considered every single opportunity and played out various scenarios of how my life would change or how a situation would enhance my current situation. However, one experience in particular has really set a new tone for this time. While considering a new opportunity, I openly expressed my interest but said I needed a few days to thoroughly weigh my options before accepting anything. Now most times, I jump at new things. I'm very excited and ready for the next - because if it weren't for me, it wouldn't come my way - but this time, I stood still for a moment. I said let me catch my breath before I run off into no man's land. Instead of looking at all I'd be gaining, I reflected on what I have now in this moment. All that I'm learning, all that I'm laughing about, all that I'm inspired by...right where I am standing right now. It didn't take me long to acknowledge that I'm good. I'm happy.
I decided not to move forward with the opportunity for various reasons but mostly because I have more to observe and offer here. And within days of making that decision, it feels like the world just opened up. I started to receive what I felt was coming to me - more growth, more opportunity to be who I am and share more of myself. I'm so thankful for this time.
I say all this to say - I spend alot of time analyzing and figuring things out. I wonder what's gonna happen, what's the next step, how can I avoid pain to get to pleasure, typing and sometimes yelling, 'wait wait wait let me just talk to you RIGHT NOW cause I have to get this out right now' all exasperated-like...and really -
pause, *deep breath* and a moment to recite Whitley's 'Relax, Relate, Release'
I am looking around at the beauty of the here and now and I can say, it is ALL to the good! I think those Michael Jackson parties last month really got to me. I just let the spirit and Thriller move me and I ended up with a crick in my neck first thing Monday morning. :)
Continue to let your hearts speak, let love walk you through the journey, spend at least 10 minutes a day in your silence, and we'll be alright.
I love you all so much,
Kristen Victoria
P.S. If you need a good read, pick up Marianne Williamson's A Return to Love.
P.P.S. I'm such a geek. I wanted to relate today's Chronicles to Wheel of Fortune so badly and then I was like OMG, I can do a 'Before and After' category with this one. Who knows what 'Before and After' even means in Wheel of Fortune? :)
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