Good Evening Beautiful People,
...And just like that, another month has flown by...goodness jimminy ticky tacky! This has been quite the month on this side of town, but before I even get into that - A HUGE THANK YOU to everyone who participated in the pilot taping of The Chronicles of Kris. For those who sent their well wishes via text and prayers, I truly truly thank you. You all are a big part of my journey and I really appreciate the support, love and laughter! We can never get enough of that...cause for those ready for the Chronicles movement (tee hee), oh it's coming!
I have a question. What makes a four year time period so significant? Elementary to middle school, middle to high school, high school to college, college to life...let's not forget presidential terms. This month has required some soul searching on my part and I noticed a pattern. Every third year, I have a major transition. During my third year in high school, it dawned on me that I could compete academically at my boarding school and my grade point average jumped. I started a dance group and did some friend shuffling. During my third year of college, I went through some sort of emotional cleansing...well if you know about fasting or any kind of flushing out, you know the first part HURTS...and hurts like hell. Although I had not been physically harmed at all in college, I just felt attacked. I remember being painfully upset with my father and a group of guys on campus because they wanted to get to "know" me instead of know me...and although they never "knew" me, I was very hurt that they were not interested in being my friend. I was so disturbed that when I came home that summer, I told my mother, "I want to stay in the house because I don't want to meet any new people." Now...you can't NOT meet people. She tried to talk me out of my funk, but that didn't come until I began teaching and fell in love with the kids and life. Since then, I've learned how to deal with people and situations in a way that works for me and leaves me generally comfortable.
But, just as fate would have it...dun dun dun...I'm in that third year of my life post-college. Eeek, oogie, and changing I am doing! And guess what? It hurrrtttssss! Actually, I'm readjusting and finding my nook of comfort in this transformative state I'm in. I just hit this place this week cause I have way too many things going on to sit in a rut. I've had so much to write to you about lately but I've been all over the place mentally/emotionally while in the same place physically. My career is evolving...but I've never really worried about that. I'm not even really afraid of that. It is what it is. But that other kind of growth, that kind of maturity that really matters...oooof! Ok I'll stop making sounds while I'm typing. LOL. I've made a few personal revelations lately about my interactions with the opposite sex. Until recently, I never fully internalized that I steer clear of relationships because subconsciously, I've felt a man's love is conditional, whether that's the love of a mate, friend, or family member - if you piss 'em off, they're gone, no questions asked!...and a woman's love is consistent, no matter what. This stems from being surrounded by strong women and not spending much time with adult men as a youngster (which ties right back into what we were discussing a few weeks ago in regards to relationships). In case you weren't a part of that conversation - Men, we need you! I came to this realization a few weeks ago when I thought I felt my heart crack (not break) when I came to grips with the fact that I was putting commitment emotions on a friendship status. Through careful self-analysis, I've learned that I cannot avoid the trials and tribulations of being vulnerable, being excited about being "more than friends." But sometimes that gets lost in translation...Hell, I've learned I can't escape being a woman and from now on, I don't think I'll ever judge someone else's situations or relationships. Dealing with people is all a part of life and if you (or I) think we can go on remaining in nice little protected huts, forget about it!
So, I'm feeling better. The sun is shining. I'm ready to get my Springtime/Summer jogging routine on and wear some bright colors. Cause life is beautiful and God is wonderful!
Let me just say, in my attempt to meet new people, I made a big mistake and gave my number to someone in the library. Yea, I know...it was February 30th, that day when I go against the grain. The person seemed alright until he smiled at me, I noticed he had two severely chipped teeth. No offense to the enamel impaired but I don't talk to you if you don't have nice teeth. End of story. That's what I get for being all nice. But you know why it took me so long to realize the gum game? I had my glasses on. Dog on it. Now I'm playing hide and don't find me! Have you ever answered your cell phone as if it were a land line - for example, "Hello?"...May I speak to Kristen?..."Oh, Kristen is not available. May I take a message?"...Yes, can you tell her Paul Bunyon called..."Yes, I'll be sure to do that." CLICK. Yep, that's me. Don't call back! LOL
Love live life. Go with your gut. Give things time to grow, breathe, and thrive on their own...and all the joys will be yours.
Kristen Victoria
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