PAST:
Just like Santa wrote down children's good deeds, he also kept a record of good mommies and daddies. Well of course, MY Mommy was at the top of the list because 'she's a P.T.P'er - Primetime Player. She's awesome with a capital A!' Every year Mommy would ask me for my Christmas list and like clockwork, it would be a mile long. Well one Christmas, I didn't think I was gonna make out so well. If I recall correctly, Mommy may have mentioned that things were a little tight on her end and I understood. We'd broken my piggy bank full of pennies to get food to eat so I imagine I put two and two together about needing money. Because we lived in a studio apartment with my grandmother, we couldn't fit an actual tree in our place so we had a miniature tree on top of our television. I stared at the tree when I went to sleep, praying that Santa received my letters! I was hopeful on Christmas Eve and when I woke up for a split second in the middle of the night, I saw shadows of boxes. But Santa sprinkled more sleepytime dust over my eyes so I fell back into a deep sleep. But when I rose that morning, there were goo gobbs of boxes with my name on it. Most of them said 'From Santa,' and when I woke up, I thought, 'See, I KNEW Mommy and Santa have a pact!! I KNEW IT! I knew he wouldn't let her down.' But how'd he get his big ol stomach through the crevice in our window anyway? (Cause we only had a slight opening in the window.) Aww, I wonder if he morphs shapes or if Mommy strong armed him into our home. To this day, I really don't believe how my Mommy was able to accomplish that. And I won't know how Christmas feels as a parent until I have children of my own. But all year round, she made sure that I never wanted for anything. And I am eternally grateful...
PRESENT:
For all of us Chroniclers in our 20s, I have a secret to share...we are babies in this thing! I always thought 2? was so wise and so mature, but being 2? is like being a kid in grown-up land. Not all the time, but sometimes! I've been experiencing and/or witnessing a few situations with people that have caused me to reflect a lot. These occurances take me back to thoughts of my childhood innocence but also my teenage idealism and insecurities. It took me a few years to understand the meaning of true friendship, the kind that strengthens, uplifts, encourages, and validates. But even with all that mushy stuff, true validation comes with self-acceptance and self-appreciation, and that comes with time, experience, and an open heart. Looking to other people (especially your own age) for acceptance is dangerous; people respond to the kind of energy you put out. So if you face your enemies or even your friends with a helpless nature, they're actually always going to respond to you like you're helpless. Not because they don't care, but simply because they're going through their own identity growth spurts and probably don't have the time or attention to deal with yours. In high school, I depended deeply on the opinions of friends. Since I was away at boarding school, that was the only thing that mattered to me. But the more I leaned on their shoulders, the more I felt they inched over so I could fall. The more I asked my peers 'Am I beautiful, am I this, am I that,' the less attractive I felt in a lot of ways. And because of that, I hated - I mean - HATED females, and it took me years to move passed that. It also took me a long time to get passed not having many adult male role models but that's a Chronicle for another day! I was very closed off for a while but those relationships, or lack there of, truly shaped how I view friendships now. I'm so grateful I experienced that then and not now. Imagine me being a Scrooge now? I know, not cute!
So anyway...I am extremely appreciative of the men and women who have changed my views of people, who have allowed and are allowing me to see the beauty of living. Those who have taken my hand and touched my heart because dog on it, you're awesome with a capital A! Those who have stood in the gaps for someone I thought would be there. Those who show me that without love and laughter, life is meaningless. I could go on and on because my life has truly been blessed through knowing you! Yes, yes you...you're not on the Chronicles for kicks!
FUTURE:
Hmmm, it's all seeming pretty cloudy honestly...which is a GREAT thing! The last time I felt like this was May 06 when I graduated. I didn't know what to expect...I just went with the flow and low and behold, after taking the most cleansing road trip ever with my cousin and best friend, I landed right into my profession/career as a writer. (I was always a writer but didn't consider myself one until someone told me I was one. SMH - lol) Lots of things are bubbling so that only means God's up to something! Now, you know what, that's awesome with a capital A! It could have been another way...Thank you all for being!
Our paths crossed for a reason...Soooooooo thankful for warmth in every sense of the word cause it could be a different way!!!!!!! Now go spread some good cheer!
Kristen Victoria
P.S. Just so you know, I found out Santa and Mommy were the same person when I decided to spend the holidays with another family member. I may have been 11 at the time and when I found out, I broke out into an argument with my cousins about how Santa just doesn't come to their home. It took me a few years to get over that! Actually I'm still a little salty now! :)
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